Sexless Marriages Support thread

[Aishabibi]

I’ve noticed since coming onto this section that there are a lot of us in sexless marriages. I wonder if having a thread to share experiences, survival strategies, sex toy recommendations, FwB set ups for those who’ve agreed to open things up or anyone that has managed to get things going again.

my situation is nothing from DH for over 3 yrs. he says he’s not interested at all, no urges whatsoever. He agreed I could explore a FwB, which I did find. Before that, lots of failed attempts to get him interested (lingerie, porn, and a growing collection of toys

I was in the same kind of situation- long relationship ( not married, no children) was with someone for over 25 years - I was the higher earner- worked hard- built a career, everything looked great from the outside- but the sex was never great and dwindled to nothing for the last decade or so, we were just living as housemates

No kids, no marriage? Should have left 10-25 years earlier. I don't meant to pry but why not? Guilt? Feeling that she wouldn't cope well without you? Or just procrastinating?

@Ian154 I think the kids are still very young, and with good communication you still have time for intimacy to return.

Thanks Aisha. I really hope you are right! I just want to feel wanted again as I cannot remember the last time she showed/tried to do anything for me in an intimacy way.

You are exactly right, I should have left years earlier I poured thousands into our joint mortgage to pay the house off early and I did resent that for a while. We had a easy life together- no financial worries ( but no sex, no affection ) , it really came to a head for me in 2020 after my dad died of Cancer after being ill for about a year I realised how short life was- I did procrastinate for a few more years and tried to change things but nothing worked, so I probably checked out then eventually split and now I think both of us are probably better off separate.

@Ian154 My advice would be to keep doing the small things to show affection and intimacy. Acknowledge that you know how hard it is with such young children and you’re there for her. That said, I can get my husband to want me at all, so I’m certainly not a guru in this

Sorry to hear that Aisha. Do you have children?

Yes, 2 older children. When mine were young I didn’t fancy it much, and my husband was not pushy for sex at all. A forewarning perhaps. Once they hit about 10 my libido came crashing back as I started to feel like myself again. He wasn’t and isn’t interested in me like that, despite my best efforts.

How’s it going now ?

Has anyone found a lover or an online interest if still in the same situations?

@stringer6 I've been in this situation for years and miss the companionship (and what comes with it). I've started to actively look online now

It’s hard isn’t it. I wish open marriages were the norm and society just accepted them without it being wrong !

Yep, an open marriage would be great. I have lots of sexual interests and desires but with someone different!

Sorry that you feel this way. Hopefully your relationship will improve but from experience I think once the intimacy goes it can be really hard to get it back .

Im mid 40s and my relationship has been dead sexually for years. I get on with him but we definitely live as roommates. I stay because I couldn’t afford to live in my own.

I would like to chat or meet someone at some point but I also live quite rural so can be difficult to find someone!

In exactly the same position. Very much roommates and the sex side has long gone. A real shame as I feel I am missing out on that part of my life.

Would be great to meet someone but I don't want to mess around with family life so an affair/night of wild sex etc will remain a fantasy!

I've found this thread so useful -thanks @AishaReturns. Other than fab/tinder, where else can you connect with others?

I understand how you all feel, it's been about 3 years since me and my wife had sex. Its so demoralising, I feel isolated ugly. I get so frustrated and horny, with no way to burn it off.

@OnMidnightsLikeThis i think a lot of us feel trapped like this.

941 replies speaks volumes...glad i'm not alone in this...

Near the end of this thread too! Hopefully it will carry on to a new thread (or not, and we’ll all get properly laid 😂😂).

😂 i've given up, i came on here to get a females perspective as i thought that getting an insight into the way the female mind works would help me understand my wife better...how wrong was i...to be fair there are some great people on here but, fuck me, if you mention the S word you get slaughtered...

I wish, more chance of my becoming pope. Its nice to know im not alone though

Hello everyone. 41M here. I'm here because I don't know who else I could talk to about this, and I really need to talk to someone. We went through a long dry spell when the kids were little, that's expected, but it felt like it was coming back only I was suddenly having a very intense conversation with DW where she basically said that she was forcing herself to have sex to keep me from being grumpy and she just can't do it anymore.

The worst part is that she basically thinks I'm a sexpest in my own marriage, and what is wrong with me that I'm in my 40s, have kids and still want sex? Truth be told, I think she's always had an aversion to sex, I think she thinks it's barely above BMs and has never wanted to talk about it, but moreso now.

So I have this Want, that I think is pretty normal, in a marriage where it ought to be normal, but I can't talk about it because it's gross. She says maybe once a month, if she feels like it, but it's been more than two and I can't talk about it.

I know maybe a few months doesn't qualify me to talk here, but if I take out that brief period where (I now know) she was forcing herself, I've been sexless for ten years, and knowing how she is I don't expect it to get better. Especially if I can't talk about it with her.

@VibrantPlum

It sounds like she’s checked out of a sexual relationship with you. Is she still attracted to you? If you can’t live like this and, I agree, at your age this isn’t normal, are you able to stay married to her?

I don't know. I thought so, but reading this thread and after the argument I wonder if she sees me more as an abstract father, or brother, and not a sexual partner. I don't want to live like this, but I can't imagine not being married to her, I love her and (before this) we got along so well.

I think you are the same as most of us here mate, it’s not dirty or gross at the beginning but after time and possibly hormone changes or other reasons that’s exactly what it becomes, i don’t think any of us really understand why that happens

The problem is that when it only changes for one partner it’s an impossible situation, you still love her, fancy her and want to keep your family unit together but at the same time you’re not ready to become a monk, what do you do, you don’t want to leave, cheating isn’t the answer, wanking gets boring especially if what actually turns you on is playing with her, open relationships don’t work and the grass might not be greener elsewhere. What do you do???