Sexless Marriages Support thread

[Aishabibi]

I’ve noticed since coming onto this section that there are a lot of us in sexless marriages. I wonder if having a thread to share experiences, survival strategies, sex toy recommendations, FwB set ups for those who’ve agreed to open things up or anyone that has managed to get things going again.

my situation is nothing from DH for over 3 yrs. he says he’s not interested at all, no urges whatsoever. He agreed I could explore a FwB, which I did find. Before that, lots of failed attempts to get him interested (lingerie, porn, and a growing collection of toys

Sorry that's what I meant. It was an online order from a pharmacy. He did disclose current medication. He's had it on prescription before but as it's so difficult to get a GP appt these days decided better to just pay. Tbh more than happy with that...much better uses of GP time.

And no. I don't want to fuck someone else. I just want more than an occasional shag...!

Yes he made me feel good wanting me.

I think I just don't understand how anyone can not want sex when it's always good?! Pure madness in my eyes 🤣🤣

In the same boat, been together 10 years, sex was never amazing but has dwindled and dwindled plus she has health issues and put on weight whereas I am in good shape for my age and get looks from other woman. Don't want to give up on her (plus we get along fairly well) but need an outlet, constantly thinking of having an affair even an online one only. We are in separate beds as we both sleep better so at least easy for me to get "relief". Surely you sex life should not be over in your 40's!

You'd like to think not right?!

Do you find her attractive regardless of the weight gain? Is she comfortable with it?

Masturbation provides a relief but can't cuddle you after!

Have you discussed it with her at all? Any idea of the reasons?

And what about what you want? Yawned while you were giving him a BJ? 😳

Do you want the rest of your life to be like this? You could live to 100

Hi Lugol,

he has agreed to N open relationship. I will take a lover again at some point.

She simply never enjoyed or wanted physical contact. As a virgin I never knew what to expect or that it was any different from any other woman. Seeing a flash of boob as a teenager was mindblowing, so never thought much was wrong.

That sucks. Are you happy in the marriage overall?

Yes. Love my family deeply. Just that one thing missing. It's not enough in itself to justify leaving the people I love.

But, that’s nothing more than a friendship…

@BreezyShaker that is exactly how I feel too.

And I agree. It is just a friendship. Have you been able to explain to her how you feel? Is she aware?

My marriage is a really good friendship that raises kids together. If I can get other needs met elsewhere, I can live with it if he can. I’m grateful to have had that difficult, frank conversation about trying ethical non-monogamy.

Hi just come across this thread. I’m female in my late 40s and husband late 50s. Two teenagers together. My husband hasn’t wanted sex and it’s now been over 2.5 years since the last time. I think in the past 4 years we have had sex 3 times. In 2024 after telling me that if was him and not me, he told me he didn’t find me as attractive, as I had put weight on, went up to a size 18 due to been in a lot of pain with physical health problem, still have physical health problems. I’m now a size 8 and have been for a year. Last night I asked him if he fancied me and he said yes, I asked him if he found me sexually attractive and there was a long pause and he said we need to spend more time together to get things back on track. But we have had this conversation before about spending more time together and unless I arrange or suggest something, it doesn’t happen. I don’t think he does find me sexually attractive. I honestly don’t know what to do, I’ve said before I don’t want to be in a sexless marriage but that’s what it has come

Your weight loss proved he was using your weight as an excuse. I fucking hate men who do this

I am in a sexless marriage. Have been for many years. I am so resentful over it. I am 36 and this began when I was 28. We have two young children, and we have been to counselling. Husband has ED, so never initiates, not even non penetrative activities. The two young children came from promises that were never fulfilled. I have had hundreds of conversations with him and each time he promises me the world, that he finds me attractive, that he wants to have sex etc etc but it never comes through. When we do have sex, it’s all a rush as he’s worried about his ED. He is addicted to his work, works away a lot. He is a very high earner (as am I) but are we happy, no. I feel so lonely, low self esteem and just continually rejected. I am now working on losing weight (currently a size 12-14, always used to be an 8-10) and, to be honest, feel ready to leave if things do not change.

Hi, just thought I'd add my name to the list too! Similiar situation to you all - love my family deeply and my W but its clear that she doesn't want to be intimate. We work well as a team but the lack of intimacy is having a big impact to our relationship as she doesn't want to discuss it any more (we've had 2 discussions about it and she shut it down very quickly). So, here I am trying to a to normal knowing that it's a pretty untenable position to be in in my late forties! I don't want to break up my family for this but I am increasingly missing adult companionship and physical contact.

That is so young to be going through this @Tadah123, my absolute sympathy to you and all the others. Impossible to find a solution when the other person won’t engage and seems so minor to break a marriage and family apart. I get it all

@AishaReturns will you be setting up another thread once this one is full. I do feel it’s made people in a sexless relationship feel less alone so well done in doing this.

I have read your posts and I feel it’s not just sex but connection and affection you also need. I hope at least you do find someone at least for your sexual needs. I feel you are potentially your husbands beard. I think one day maybe when kids are older you may break free and find the happiness you deserve.

I came out of a sexless relationship. I was the one withholding sex basically because my ex h was abusive and was also having an affair. He would still try and coerce me to have sex with him at times. This is a lot different to what I am reading here. Lots of kind and loving people here who are shut out of a very important aspect of a loving relationship.

You are too young to be in a sexless marriage. Insist on couples counselling and if he won’t go you have a clear answer. Do not settle at synchrony a young age! Xxx

Your message sounds exactly like my situation with my DW. For our 2nd child I was promised more regular sex but as soon as the baby came along it was a closed shop! Promises out of the window. I too thought it could be my weight, I went from a waist 40 to a waist 32 last year and made no difference whatsoever. Do it for yourself though, not your partner - good luck

@AnonAnonmystery I will when this gets full. I hope that the thread provides support for people trapped in loving, but platonic relationships.

Hi all,
Sorry as this is probably just a repeat of some of the above. I’m a 36m and have been married for 9 years with two children. Our sex life has never been amazing but for the last few years it has dwindled to nothing. She never initiates and I can’t help feeling unloved/unwanted sexually.

I do lots around the house (cooking, washing, ironing and cleaning) and am the sole earner while she organises the children. I know that’s stressful and they can both be v needy which I understand makes her feel like physical contact is the last thing she wants.

Anyway, I don’t think anyone has a magic wand and I couldn’t put my kids through the pain of me leaving so I think this is just a vent.

How old are the kids @Ian154

I was in the same kind of situation- long relationship ( not married, no children) was with someone for over 25 years - I was the higher earner- worked hard- built a career, everything looked great from the outside- but the sex was never great and dwindled to nothing for the last decade or so, we were just living as housemates - I moved to the space room took the decision to leave in my 50’s and (she bought me out) and started again- I did feel very guilty about it- but being single is better than being in a sexless relationship.
Have met someone new now ( who was also in a sexless relationship) and we are making up for lost time- the only advice I would give anyone is don’t waste your life with someone who doesn’t want what you want- you will definitely feel guilty about leaving but it’s better to choose to be happy that choose to be unhappy

They are 7 and 3

Thanks for the advice. I just don’t think I can do it to the kids, having come from a home with divorced parents I know the pain it causes.