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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner has gone away for a few days to a hotel with another woman

781 replies

desolate · 13/10/2009 12:25

Hi!

Is there anyone out there who can find a few kind words for me please?

I've been with my partner for four years and we've lived together for most of that. I will be 50 on 3rd November and was hoping for a surprise from my partner for my birthday. The surprise has come early.

About six weeks ago I saw him making furtive mobile calls and when I checked his mobile found several late night texts saying things like "I love you so much". I asked him about it and he told me without any concern for my reaction that they were from a woman he had dated 10 years ago and had recently refound on FaceBook. They'd met up since. He said that she was in the process of a divorce.

He's been getting behind at work recently so I've spent a few weekends helping in the office and I found a letter from her in which she said that she was staying with her husband (2nd one) because her kids needed to stay at their school but hoped N would wait for her. She said that fate had brought them together again and there was lots of undying love stuff.

I decided to do my best to repair my relationship and asked him what his plans were. He said he didn't know and was confused. I asked if he had plans to see her again soon and he said probably not.

He came home last night and said that our relationship was over and that he was heading off today to treat her to a hotel stay till Sunday, when he will come home, so that they could see how they got on - her husband thinks she's gone to see a girlfriend.

My world has fallen apart. Does anyone have a kind word for me or any advice as to how best to navigate such a painful situation. I will be really grateful. Thank you.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/05/2010 22:15

< scans horizon with binoculars >

< sees no sign of desolate approach...dozes off >

LittleMissHissyFit · 17/05/2010 22:16
sayithowitis · 17/05/2010 22:27

I have some rather nice chocolate brownies since all the fondant fancies have gone!

LittleMissHissyFit · 17/05/2010 22:54

hands round freshly made portuguese custard tarts (pasteis de nata) seeing as I'm slightly pissed and feeling generous....

CelticBanshee · 18/05/2010 00:11

Sits looking at the loons laid out on a picnic blanket in the freezing cold at 11pm eating custard fucking tartsWonders are they escapees from a nearby mental institutionAlso wonders how the hell she ended up in the UK when she was in Dublin a minute ago

diddl · 18/05/2010 08:07

Has someone got food?

Anniegetyourgun · 18/05/2010 08:15

Mmm, cake.

I dunno, I always read this thread as genuine, though of course I could be wrong. But she really, really didn't want to do what absolutely everyone was advising. No doubt that's why she dropped out of sight. It would be nice to have an update, if only to hear that the 'orrible ex's knob had turned green and dropped off. (Sorry if that puts you off the picnic.)

AnyFucker · 18/05/2010 08:19

< mistakes green dropped-off nob for avocado and puts it on a sandwich >

CelticBanshee · 18/05/2010 10:26

Annie, I think she just wanted someone to talk to - ultimately, everyone on here will still do their own thing no matter what people advise.

She wasn't ready to let him go and this train crash of a thread reflects that!

AnyFucker · 18/05/2010 11:16

that was yummy...a bit slimey though

OneTwoBuckleMyShoe · 18/05/2010 15:41

Blimey is this thread still going?!

AnyFucker · 18/05/2010 16:15

got any mustard ?

LittleMissHissyFit · 18/05/2010 17:39

flask of tea anyone?

Settles back down for day 2 of desolatathon.

And a one, two, three, altogether now...

''WHY ARE WE WAITING,
OH WHY ARE WE WAITING...''

CheekyPinkSox · 18/05/2010 17:47

Im about to do some minty lamb chops wit taties and veg yum yum

If i was the OP i would have found out what hotel they were staying at and dropped the rest of his clothes off and say you've made your bed now lie in the fucker, then RANG HER husband!

LittleMissHissyFit · 18/05/2010 18:31

Chicken and potato curry here....yummmmmm

cheeky... am sensing you didn't wade all the way through the thread...

Oh if it had have been that simple.... Jesus, if we'd have known this thread was going to turn out the way it did, I'm willing to bet that we 'd have staged a MN Intervention and done exactly what you suggested on Ops behalf!

catinthehat2 · 18/05/2010 19:16

Have some of my slow cooker leek, bean and beef stew, it tastes better than it sounds. All off my allotment except for the beef which is from next door's field. I strangled a cow in the night and have had a side of beef maturing in my shed since January. Delish.

catinthehat2 · 18/05/2010 19:29

OK, I did use tomato puree which I bought from a shop.

CelticBanshee · 18/05/2010 19:33

Can't believe your tomato puree isn't home-made

Disgusted.

catinthehat2 · 18/05/2010 19:39
CelticBanshee · 18/05/2010 20:17

Duuuuurty

jellyjelly · 18/05/2010 21:21

I went and slept with my edp other bit of stuff husband. It made me feel fabulous when she found out.

Petty yes, not calculated but so good to do to her after she destroyed my life.

DuelingFanjo · 18/05/2010 21:24

""

Just to say, I hope the OP did manage to sort things out and I hope she is in a happier place. However bizzare her reactions she surely deserves to be happy.

DuelingFanjo · 18/05/2010 21:25

Oh, you said Banjo not fanjo

AnyFucker · 18/05/2010 21:26

jelly, that makes you as bad as she is

not justified, IMO

SolidGoldBrass · 18/05/2010 21:39

I think I somehow missed this one first time out. However, I do hope that poor Neil the Nobber found happiness and got rid of the deranged stalky woman. (OK not that he murdered her or anythign but she either got help of found some other poor sod to obsess over). I really do think that he must have been trying to tell her to leave nicely for quite some time before he started seeing his new girlfriend.

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