Partner has gone away for a few days to a hotel with another woman

[desolate]

Hi!

Is there anyone out there who can find a few kind words for me please?

I've been with my partner for four years and we've lived together for most of that. I will be 50 on 3rd November and was hoping for a surprise from my partner for my birthday. The surprise has come early.

About six weeks ago I saw him making furtive mobile calls and when I checked his mobile found several late night texts saying things like "I love you so much". I asked him about it and he told me without any concern for my reaction that they were from a woman he had dated 10 years ago and had recently refound on FaceBook. They'd met up since. He said that she was in the process of a divorce.

He's been getting behind at work recently so I've spent a few weekends helping in the office and I found a letter from her in which she said that she was staying with her husband (2nd one) because her kids needed to stay at their school but hoped N would wait for her. She said that fate had brought them together again and there was lots of undying love stuff.

I decided to do my best to repair my relationship and asked him what his plans were. He said he didn't know and was confused. I asked if he had plans to see her again soon and he said probably not.

He came home last night and said that our relationship was over and that he was heading off today to treat her to a hotel stay till Sunday, when he will come home, so that they could see how they got on - her husband thinks she's gone to see a girlfriend.

My world has fallen apart. Does anyone have a kind word for me or any advice as to how best to navigate such a painful situation. I will be really grateful. Thank you.

god i must look at dates

The more I read this thread, the more convinced I am that this starting to look as that Fatal Attraction movie

Hope you are ok.

this thread is a reminder there are 2 sides to every story

So...

op's ex goes off with another woman, tells op to move out (it is his flat after all), she doesn't, she stays and stays (haven't read whole thread so please forgive the gaps here), then people start to suspect she's not all she's cracked up to be and suddenly he physically throws her out the door without provokation and after going to the hospital, instead of going back to her flat she tries to get an order to get back into the house to live there?

What a crock.

Typical trolling though, making the situation more and more dramatic.

Pretty low to use DV though.

that's about the long and short of it, wannabe

although desolate does occasionally post on other threads, and appears to be otherwise a pretty sane individual

but not on this thread...

Ach - young Dawn has escaped from her shackles and got to the computer again.

I think this calls for uncle merv to administer the strap.

...

I just wanted to take this opportunity, as the year comes to a close, to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone who contributed to this thread. I started writing it at one of the darkest times of my life and it meant so much to me that there were people out there who, even though they didn't know me, cared enough to add something. I am so grateful to you all and will always remember the support you offered me. Thank you so much.

I'd like to wish all of you:

A very Happy New Year!

I thought I'd just put a brief update here.

Over the last six weeks, he's been asked several times both by myself and the Solicitor to leave the key when he goes away for the weekend so that I could spend a couple of days there making sure that everything was out of the cupboards and ready to go. The Solicitor asked him before Christmas, as he would be away for a fortnight, to leave the key and highlighted that it would be the best way to resolve everything if he did. He refused.

He says he is moving on Tuesday so I asked one last time for time to get my things. He said he was going away for the weekend so I suggested that he leave the key at the beauty salon across the road. Apparently when he went their door was closed so he took the key away with him to Gosport ......

I texted him on Saturday to arrange to visit today and got a reply saying he wouldn't be back today and it left me wondering how on earth this was all going to get done. I left a voicemail but no reply.

Although some people might disapprove of the following, I had noted her home phone number when she rang him while we were still living together, so I rang the nr this morning and he answered. We had a brief conversation; he said he was coming back Monday pm and I asked him to text me when he was his way.

I went to church then and during the service my mobile rang. I checked my voicemail and it was her. She said "Desolate, you have now crossed the line and I am going to see a Solicitor". That was it. Half an hour later, another call: "Desolate, return my call so that I can speak to you about your behaviour". Fortunately I was sitting next to a Solicitor in church who advised me not to respond.

Later today he sent a text telling me never to ring her number again, asking me how I had got it and then came a slew of abusive texts ending in one saying that I had caused the two of them immense trouble ..........

I think that I will have to contact Navy Welfare and the Forces Accommodation Broking Agency tomorrow. I contacted the flat's owner last week but she was in Spain and not back till this week.

I truly despair. I never ever want another relationship with a man - perhaps the odd date, a drink or something, but I never ever want to go through this again.

Can he not just pack your things for you, and leave them at a neutral place or ask a friend to go in with you while you collect them?

Can perfectly understand him not wanting you to visit his flat without him (why ever would you need to spend a couple of days there??)

Is there much value in what you've got there? If not, I'd write it off now - otherwise your solicitor's bills will outweigh the cost of whatever you recover. Chalk it up to experience..

OK desolate, I'm not your big sister, but I'm going to assume the role for a moment, cos you need some straight talking again..

Unless what you have left there is of immense value to you, you NEED to walk away and give it all up.

TBH, I'd not want to leave keys with you after all of this to go through my house while I wasn't there.

Sorry to say, but you really kind of have brought this on yourself, if you'd have left before, when he was actually in the hotel, you'd have saved yourself all of this anguish. You didn't, so you didn't IYKWIM..

I think his new GF reaction is awful, beyond out of line and wholly inappropriate... but you don't know what he's told her. Wake up call time here though: Don't ever put yourself in the situation where she can do that again.

Change your number, change your email, make sure that he or she can't contact you - except through your solicitor.

Can you request that any items that are NOT his are delivered on his leaving date to your solicitor?

This has been a horrific situation for everyone involved, and one that shouldn't have been so needlessly painful.

NOW.. time to fill up your life with other stuff, join a gym, get a hobby, look up your friends, anything and everything to make you feel good about yourself, and to help you realise that it's over with Neil, that he's moved on and that you need to too.

2010 is the year you find yourself and forget about Neil. Time to turn the page, close the book, and start your new journey of discovery.

Please, just let GO! It'll be OK, but it'll never get any better while you are still clinging to the past. Wishing you well and looking forward to hearing all about your journey of discovery this year... and NO MORE ABOUT NEIL.... Let this thread die, it's time.

a whole weekend when he isn't there to clear a couple of cupboards ?

did you really think he would give you a key ? I expect he had trouble enough removing the last one from your desperate grip

fgs, move on

< sigh >

you check your voicemail mail and have discussions with a solicitor during the Service??

where is God in all this?

The idea of the weekend was because my flat has no hot water and is pretty cold. A weekend in our old flat would have been a real treat.

All of my things are there. All I have been given is some joggers and t-shirts and toiletries. My clothes, shoes, books, cds camera, cookware, printer, law school stuff are still there. I need to get as much as poss as I have v little money to rebuy stuff.

I do see this ending soon. He is moving out, I will get given some stuff and that will be that.

It's been v sobering.

I wouldn't have a relationship again. Better off on my own really.

gah

Gah indeed AF....

You SEE desolate? this is why we ALL told you to get out on your terms... GAAAAH!

So you hung on in the end, until he literally slung you out with with nothing but a handful of belongings, or did he pack a bag and change the locks?....

Clearly Neil will NOT want you in his flat while he is away, and with all the shenanigans, tbh, i don't think he can be held entirely to blame. This was the slowest car crash ever... we all could see it coming.

Stand up on your OWN TWO FEET Woman!

Get your heating/HW FIXED.

Failing that, check into to a blooming hotel, there are a ton of deals on at the moment....

Contact your solicitor and tell him to do whatever it takes to get your things back, otherwise, just find some shred of dignity and walk away and not look back.

Do not, under any circumstances think that you can, or ought, to involve Neil in any of the details of your life. Your flat, your heating are not his problem. Sorry, but they are not.

So this is still going?

AF, I know you are on a supposed self imposed 'relationships' ban,

well...

I also noticed that the ban's not really working out for you too well...

I have to step away from this thread now.... and think it has to be cold turkey... fancy a pact with me? a week 'off' relationships????

Could we do it???

Starting 9am Monday....

dusts off gauntlet, drops it, retreats....

mebbe next week...

I have some business to attend to on some other r'ship threads, ya see

Tell ya what, I will agree to stay off this thread

Deal ?

Sat next to a soliciter in church??? Oh come on troll troll troll!!!

You´ve had ample time to move everything out imo.

Sorry, but you really thought you could go & have a cosy weekend in his flat while he was away? Thta is staggering. I actually dont believe it.

good god this is still going?

Please tell me no-one still believes this is for real?

Op if you're for real I think neil is well rid.

By mrsboogie
you check your voicemail mail and have discussions with a solicitor during the Service??

where is God in all this?

lolol at 'where is god'. Christ almighty this saga drags on and on. It is like a partic boring storyline in EEnders.