Partner has gone away for a few days to a hotel with another woman

[desolate]

Hi!

Is there anyone out there who can find a few kind words for me please?

I've been with my partner for four years and we've lived together for most of that. I will be 50 on 3rd November and was hoping for a surprise from my partner for my birthday. The surprise has come early.

About six weeks ago I saw him making furtive mobile calls and when I checked his mobile found several late night texts saying things like "I love you so much". I asked him about it and he told me without any concern for my reaction that they were from a woman he had dated 10 years ago and had recently refound on FaceBook. They'd met up since. He said that she was in the process of a divorce.

He's been getting behind at work recently so I've spent a few weekends helping in the office and I found a letter from her in which she said that she was staying with her husband (2nd one) because her kids needed to stay at their school but hoped N would wait for her. She said that fate had brought them together again and there was lots of undying love stuff.

I decided to do my best to repair my relationship and asked him what his plans were. He said he didn't know and was confused. I asked if he had plans to see her again soon and he said probably not.

He came home last night and said that our relationship was over and that he was heading off today to treat her to a hotel stay till Sunday, when he will come home, so that they could see how they got on - her husband thinks she's gone to see a girlfriend.

My world has fallen apart. Does anyone have a kind word for me or any advice as to how best to navigate such a painful situation. I will be really grateful. Thank you.

Don't feed the thread.

Yeah, he;s really likely to hand over they keys to his flat to you - so that you can spend the weekend there, cutting the sleeves off his suits, stitching rotton fish into the curtain linings and generally saboaging the place.... CRAZY

You really need to move on from this - there isnt a single person on this thread who is telling you any different.

You really are coming across as a complete bunny boiling fruitcake.

You have lost all diginity and self respect. You need to concentrate on trying to get that back.

Excellent advice from groundhogs but I really agree with anyfuker.

Lady you sound insane - you cannot expect your ex to allow you to spend a weekend at his (his do you get that? Not ours!) flat.

I am not suprised the new girlfriend called you and told you to back off. Neil has made it perfectly clear that:

1 he wants nothing to do with you
2 he does not want you in his flat

Phoning him at his new girlfriends has a whiff of harassment about it.

Walk away before you end up with a restraining order or a conviction.

re the voicemail - just for info - when the phone rang in my bag underneath my seat I was horrified and switched if off until the service had finished.

That's when I listened to the voicemail. My friend Louise, a City Solicitor, was sitting next to me. It's one of the biggest churches in the City of London and quite a few of the people who go there are in the legal profession.

I'm sorry, I just needed to explain.

I would never make calls or check my phone during the service.

I just wanted to add that no Solicitor would take on a case for "harrassment" when the "harrassment" consisted of one phone call.

Further, there would be no legal aid available and the OW would have to fund anything herself.

There is no chance of a restrainng order or anything similar. That doesn't worry me.

Missing the point again desolate

YABU, leave them to it and get on with your own life for God's sake.

YOU ARE OBSESSED WOMAN - WALK AWAY

one day you will look back and laugh this all off and know wat a cheating, lieing, scumbag he really is !! sort yourself out get out there and enjoy life

Desolate harrasment is a criminal offence.

You do not need to persuade a solicitor to take the case (although it is pretty damn clear you will soon be needing a solicitor to defend you - I'd ask Jane!) nor do you need legal aid because the police investigate and the CPS prosecute Further, a Judge in the criminal court can impose a restraining order as part of a sentence.

I know this because unlike you I actually am a lawyer

Are you getting any psychological help, Desolate?

Desolate, this is not worth losing your dignity over. Truly. I second BOF.

My eyes are filling at your situation Desolate

cat, don't get too drawn in, love

this is a wind up

or a mentally-ill person who does not want to be helped

either way, don't get sucked in

lots of us have, but have come out the other side

Yes, I thought it was genuine for the first few pages; it's very credibly written. Then it started to get more peculiar. Yesterday's update went too far though.

She is the only person i know who can leave a DV situation and chooses to stay

I suspect Desolate (if for real) may be making an appearance very soon on a local news programme with regard to breaking laws put in place to prevent Stalking.

Bloody hell you are a right bunny boiler love!

He seems well shot of you and although after going through DV with my XH I would never condone any sort of violence I can see why he evebtually picked you up and chucked you out - your clothes etc would have been right behind you in a black sack if I were him!

oh blimey cat, you had me there

I am real.

I do wish this was all fictional.

I'm hoping that the final piece of the jigsaw will happen this weekend.

He texted me this afternoon saying "Ring me, we must talk" and we did, although it wasn't particularly cordial.

He was intending to move out to another flat this week but the pipes burst in the new place and he was told on Friday that remedial works will need to be done so he needs to stay put for a few days.

I have said that I will collect my things on Saturday; I am hoping that it will be as amicable as possible. I just want to put it all behind me now.

So do we.

the funny thing is, sometimes you seem quite sane (on other threads, for example) and then at others completely barking (on this thread, for example)

Yawn

You must have skin like a rhino - the majority of people on this thread are telling you that you are a bunny boiling, deranged fantasist, but you just ignore and give updates about the "final piece in the jigsaw" WTF???