He’s met someone else 💔

[FajitaFriday]

Please help me. I’m breaking down. My partner and I have been having relationship problems for a while but after he came back to me in August I thought we were working on things.

We’ve been together 12 years. We have a 10 year old daughter. He’s my best friend my only friend.

Since Monday he’s been saying he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I’ve begged and pleaded and promised everything but he’s been so cold and adamant that he doesn’t love me like he used to and it’s over.

Cut to tonight he comes back home and I start up crying and begging him to give me another chance but he wasn’t interested then I ask him if he’s met someone else AND HE SAID YES. He won’t tell me who she is. He won’t tell me where he met her. Apparently it’s been going on for 5 days and nothing has happened just talking. That means nothing to me, we’ve been loyal to each other our whole relationship even during breaks (about a week long before he comes back) in my eyes he might as well have fucked her.

I’m completely in shock. We’ve been here before and always managed to work things out over a week or two but never anything like this.

I don’t even know what else to write here I’m shaking and crying and just want to kill myself. And I just want him back so badly STILL.

Please help if you can I have no one else to turn to and I don’t know how to get through the next hour let alone the rest of my life without him.

Thank you for reading x

This sounds toxic. Repeatedly breaking up, he's your only friend, wanting to die.

I think this might be for the best

Gently, it hasn't just been five days. It'll have been much longer. He might have finalised plans in the last five days, but this hasn't come out of the blue for him. He's been distant and not emotionally invested for a long time from what you've said.
Check your finances, speak to a solicitor. Work out what is yours and what you're entitled to. One day at a time. And if a day is too long, one hour at a time. Hugs.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health Resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare. 🌺

@mnhq the Samaritans have stopped the email service now

We’re not married. My finances are fucked - I was working nights but had to quit the job because there would be no one to look after my daughter. I will have to look into going on benefits. I miss him so much. I wish I could hate him but I can’t.

Wow he sounds horrible. He’ll come crawling back when his new woman ditches him. Please stop begging him, you deserve better.

I’m so sorry, you are obviously upset and afraid about the future. You will survive though, and will have a happier life that doesn’t involve repeated break ups. Let him go. He doesn’t want to stay- and it’s probably healthier for your DD if the arguments and repeated break ups stop.

You haven’t been ‘Fixing the relationship’ so much as persistently refusing to recognise the ending.

Tell him to leave for tonight. Have a warm bath and go to bed. Do not drink alcohol.
Get your ducks in a row tomorrow.

Sounds like an extremely toxic relationship. It’s not normal to frequently break up.
let him become someone else’s problem and move on.

You do not want a man you have to beg to love you. I agree that this situation sounds toxic and will make you a shell of yourself over time. It doesn’t feel like it now but this is for the best. You deserve so, so much better.

Please do NOT fill the OP’s head with this nonsense.

He may well never come back no matter how much she begs and pleads.

OP nothing is going to happen quickly. So go make yourself a cup of warm milk and take some deep breaths.

You have to be strong now for your daughter. Is he still in the house? X

I know this is hard and honestly you will survive this.... you have to for your daughter. You will find the strength from somewhere, women always do. Please don't beg him to stay, respect yourself, let him go. In all honesty I think he has been seeing someone else for a while, men rarely leave unless they have someone else. We have all been through this, you are feeling scared and alone, you will end up much stronger and happier in the long run although you can't see it now. Let him go..... and when he comes crawling back (which he will) tell him absolutely NO. One day at a time, hour by hour, minute by minute, keep occupied and breathing, heartbreak is the worst but you will be ok, I promise.

He’s taken both kids (don’t even know where) our daughter and his 13 year old daughter. Because I was literally sobbing on the floor. Kids didn’t see anything but they would’ve heard me screaming and crying so now I feel even worse especially for my 10 year old I know it would’ve upset her to hear me like that.

Have you any family that could come over?

No 😔 I don’t have any family. Except my mum who I’m not close to.

Ok that's not acceptable. You can't scare your kid like that. He was right to take them, you need to take a breath and pull yourself together a bit.

Is there someone you can call to come and sit with you?

what about a neighbour? Is there anyone who could be there with you?

Don't be feeling worse. Shock does terrible things to our system. How are you feeling now? Any calmer?

I don’t have anyone 😔

This.

You have to put your daughter first, she's only ten.

Yes you do. There are people who can help.

Don't worry now about benefits or anything like that. One day at a time. Worrying about tomorrow won't help. Just think about today. X

I know you’re all right about acting how I did with kids in the house. I just lost it. I just can’t believe he’s done this to me. We’ve had problems over the years but never involving a third party.

The past is in the past.

How are you feeling now?