He’s met someone else 💔

[FajitaFriday]

Please help me. I’m breaking down. My partner and I have been having relationship problems for a while but after he came back to me in August I thought we were working on things.

We’ve been together 12 years. We have a 10 year old daughter. He’s my best friend my only friend.

Since Monday he’s been saying he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I’ve begged and pleaded and promised everything but he’s been so cold and adamant that he doesn’t love me like he used to and it’s over.

Cut to tonight he comes back home and I start up crying and begging him to give me another chance but he wasn’t interested then I ask him if he’s met someone else AND HE SAID YES. He won’t tell me who she is. He won’t tell me where he met her. Apparently it’s been going on for 5 days and nothing has happened just talking. That means nothing to me, we’ve been loyal to each other our whole relationship even during breaks (about a week long before he comes back) in my eyes he might as well have fucked her.

I’m completely in shock. We’ve been here before and always managed to work things out over a week or two but never anything like this.

I don’t even know what else to write here I’m shaking and crying and just want to kill myself. And I just want him back so badly STILL.

Please help if you can I have no one else to turn to and I don’t know how to get through the next hour let alone the rest of my life without him.

Thank you for reading x

It is about self preservation now. If he has left you in that state then in his head he has clearly moved on. Get yourself together, a cup of tea or hot milk, phone him and tell him to bring your daughter home. Leave him be....... no more screaming or begging. Your head will be destroyed for a few days, just try and get through the weekend with your daughter, no rush...... day by day things will become easier.

I feel dead inside 😭 like it’s not even real like it’s some fucked up bad dream. I don’t want to believe it is real

Have you been drinking or anything OP x

This x

Cry it out tonight. Keep away from booze. Big girl pants on and get your sh*t together tomorrow and your daughter. But only if you're feeling stable. It's ok to give it a couple of days until you're calm. It's hard, and upsetting for you, but that will clear. For your daughter, you've got this. Think of her and get yourself together. She need sher momma

No I haven’t been drinking. I used to drink a shit ton but been staying away from it the last few weeks. Last thing I want to do is get drunk to be honest.

Good call OP. Don't let him or anyone else turn you to it or drugs.

Really sorry. OP. He is treating you very badly and clearly isn't the man you thought he was. You need some time to get over the shock, then you will be able to start rebuilding your life without him. Ring the Samaritans if you need to talk to someone about how you're feeling, and go to Citizens Advice for help planning finances and other practical matters. There are people to help you, and you will see your daughter soon.

Give yourself some time. It's grief, the end of a relationship. There's nothing you can do other than that - look after yourself and your child. You can't make anyone come back to you and hopefully in time you will see this relationship has run it's course and you were not happy truly - it sounds quite unhealthy.

Sending hugs

The further you stay away from booze, the better you will feel. You will see things much clearer and have more control over your emotions x

Are you feeling any better?

If he told you there wasn't anyone else you'd have kept refusing his attempts to break up, when it's clear to anyone outside the situation that splitting is the right thing to do.
The fact you have a history of breaking up and getting back together is evidence that this was not a happy and healthy relationship, and in time you will recognise that for yourself. It might not feel like it tonight, but I believe all 3 of you will be better for it if you give yourself the chance to be.

No 😔 I’m just sat here chain smoking feeling completely hollow.

He’s messaged me a couple of times saying “I’m sorry sorry I never wanted things to be like this!” And “I hope you’re ok” - I haven’t replied. What’s the fucking point. I was fighting so hard to get him back all week, been praying extra hard and all along this has been going on. I feel so pathetic and embarrassed.

Before i say anything what kicked it all off what caused all this to start.

I understand. But don't feel embarrassed. It's natural to want the relationship to work out. Especially as a mother. As for being pathetic. We have all been there. Stop overthinking this.

What's he doing with Ur daughter?

Is she coming home to you tonight?

Your relationship isn't healthy if you keep splitting up and getting back together. Unfortunately, as sad as it is, some relationships can't work, no matter how many times two people try. You are both creating a toxic environment for your daughter to live in, and that's not fair on her.

Your partner has made it very clear to you that your relationship has ended. You both should have mutually agreed to end the relationship way before it reached this point. If he's met someone else, then it gives a finality to the situation, with no return.

Screaming, crying and begging isn't going to achieve anything. I understand that you are upset, but your behaviour is likely to cause him to run straight to the OW. Your daughter (and I assume your step-daughter) shouldn't be witnessing this at all. Both must have been scared and worried.

Sadly, as hard as it is, you need to accept the relationship has ended. Accept that the relationship isn't healthy for you, your partner and both children. Yes, it means rebuilding your life, and that's scary/overwhelming at the moment. You need to start thinking with a practical mind, and think about housing, benefits, working more/different hours etc. All your partner will be obliged to pay you is child support.

Maybe not of use right now when things are really raw but, later, I use a technique I call “put a pin in it”.

Basically I know it’s a situation that can’t be resolved to my satisfaction right now and there’s nothing I can do to change it so, I mentally put it on a board and stick a pin in it (you can do this physically too if you want to with something that represents him or, his name on a bit of paper) and I tell myself “I’ll revisit this in on xyz date (usually a month)”. And between now and then I say out loud to myself any time my thoughts go back to the thing - “It isn’t relevant right now. It is not X date yet” and then I usually then also get up and do something physical like dance to some music or clean the house.

It allows a pause so that the feelings don’t well up too extreme. And then when and if you revisit, you maybe don’t feel as overwhelmed.

Not all men come crawling, some are just pleased to be gone even when the ow has kicked his arse out.

Screaming and crying on the floor for a man you know things have been rocky with for a while and he’s left previously. That’s just silly. This isn’t a movie and you are an adult. Relationship breakdowns are hard, and sad, but come on.
I hope you feel better soon and are able to take your first steps in building a better life for yourself with dignity and courage.

It’s hard to say exactly why. We got back together in August after 2 weeks apart. We’d been getting on well, just normal life really. He didn’t seem distant or off with me until literally Monday. I don’t understand. I know things have been bad but I thought things were on the up. He’d been so normal, loving, we made plans for Christmas to go to Scotland with our daughter on a campervan road trip. We booked it in September. I really thought we were locking in and looking to the future.

He’s taken both kids to my step daughters mums house and he’s going to pick my girl up after his work tomorrow.

You ok with this OP x

Yes - I know it sounds awful but I just can’t face her. I tried so hard to keep our family together. I never wanted a broken home for her.

Unfortunately this is common.

The one planning on leaving has it all worked out .

To the one whose cheated on it comes as a massive shock. Like out of nowhere.