He’s met someone else 💔

[FajitaFriday]

Please help me. I’m breaking down. My partner and I have been having relationship problems for a while but after he came back to me in August I thought we were working on things.

We’ve been together 12 years. We have a 10 year old daughter. He’s my best friend my only friend.

Since Monday he’s been saying he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I’ve begged and pleaded and promised everything but he’s been so cold and adamant that he doesn’t love me like he used to and it’s over.

Cut to tonight he comes back home and I start up crying and begging him to give me another chance but he wasn’t interested then I ask him if he’s met someone else AND HE SAID YES. He won’t tell me who she is. He won’t tell me where he met her. Apparently it’s been going on for 5 days and nothing has happened just talking. That means nothing to me, we’ve been loyal to each other our whole relationship even during breaks (about a week long before he comes back) in my eyes he might as well have fucked her.

I’m completely in shock. We’ve been here before and always managed to work things out over a week or two but never anything like this.

I don’t even know what else to write here I’m shaking and crying and just want to kill myself. And I just want him back so badly STILL.

Please help if you can I have no one else to turn to and I don’t know how to get through the next hour let alone the rest of my life without him.

Thank you for reading x

Course you didn't want a broken home. X

It's really not the end of the world though and you can be happy knowing you did everything to keep it together right,?

No one but no one is perfect.

It is the end of the world. I don’t know how to be without him he’s my whole world. I just keep breaking down thinking about him meeting this other woman and having some type of connection worth pursuing - all the while I’m sat at home dumb as fuck thinking everything will work out for us.

You're not dumb. You just wanted to believe the best. Ok.

I think it's best you call The Samaritans or someone who hasore experience. I'm not sure your daughter shouldn't be home with you tonight.

What do you think x

Maybe try to focus on your child. They should be more important than him. Your child should be your whole world right now.

I know. I know I should be focusing on her. I’m scared of the type of mother I will
be to her now, what type of life I’m going to be able to give her. I just want my family back.

you won’t feel like this for ever op, in fact in a couple of days you won’t feel sad you’ll be raging . From now on no more misty lenses looking back over the past , remember all the shit bits, every time you start feeling upset picture something you hate about him. If he does come back ffs see him off, this really is no way to live .
I feel for you, it’s a massive shock, however you do have an up glow to look forward to! It happens to everyone. The next steps are enshrined in law, new haircut, new bedding , move some furniture about, put his stuff in black bags/ suitcases. Make some changes for yourself , look for a new job. You will get there, I promise you will , but it is early days atm so be gentle with yourself .
the begging and pleading though , that has to stop imediately, never again , you are worth more than that. Chin up tits out 💐

Your her mum . You'll be a great mum won't you.

As for the type of life...pffftt there's loads of types of life. As long as you love her, you don't abuse her etc it will be fine.

The problem is OP, your relationship hasn't been working out for a long time. You said yourself that you've broken up and got back together a few times. This tells you that the relationship fundamentally isn't working. You've given it your best shot, but ultimately the relationship has come to an end. You're just continuing in this vicious circle of splitting up/getting back together, and it's not healthy. Your partner isn't happy, and deep down you must know you're not happy. It's a dreadful environment for your daughter, and for her sake, you need to accept the relationship has ended.

I know you didn't, but the home you had was broken anyway, it sounded very unhealthy and not a good example of what relationships should look like your children, I know you won't feel it now because you're shell shocked but being on your own is far better than what you had with him, it's hard, but let him go and whatever you do don't beg or plead, he might end up back with you out of pity and you don't want that do you? Like others have said calm down, make yourself a tea or hot chocolate and think rationally about what you really want, screaming and shouting won't change anything, you can't change what's happened but you can change how you deal with it. Best of luck OP x

I’m being inquisitive here, and you don’t have to respond (of course) but I have a lovely DH and yet I don’t feel like this about him. If he left me it wouldn’t be the end of the world, and he isn’t my whole world. I love him deeply and I don’t want him to leave me, but I was a whole and worthy person before him and I would be a whole and worthy person after him (if there is an after him). Do you not feel that way about yourself? It seems to me that you feel like you don’t exist outside of him. You do, OP.

Mate, he’s only a man. Billions of people the world over get dumped by someone they love. It’s not a unique experience. I’m not trying to be mean but to get you to realise….life goes on…think of your daughter not some shitty man that doesn’t love you

And there’s no such thing as a ‘broken home.’ Pull yourself together.

It will be ok. My mum always said to me that if somebody doesn’t want to be with you then you’re better off without them. She was right - you don’t want to be begging and pleading with somebody to stay. You are worth more than that and are a person of value whatever happens with him.

Look after yourself and be strong for your daughter. You want to show her that if somebody leaves you it is ok and you can cope and things will get better. Ring the Samaritans if you need somebody to talk to. Never give up - you have to get through the worst part and then things will start getting better.

It feels like it now because it's so raw but honestly, time and some TLC, these are good healers. In time you will see that it's not the end of the world, it's the end of a chapter and a new one is starting now. Yes, it's not the one you wanted or planned for but unfortunately life changes beyond our control sometimes. You will be ok.

That’s exactly how I feel. I feel like I don’t have a point to life without him. I just keep thinking about how I’ll never have another happy Christmas, or a cuddle through the night. Everything feels so pointless now. Even though I know it shouldn’t feel that way.

Your relationship sounds hugely toxic and childish, and very worrying how much of being yourself relies on being with him. Screaming and crying like a toddler, with your child (and step child?) in earshot is just awful. Breaking up and getting back together repeatedly, with you having to be peeled off the floor each time is just horrendous modelling of behaviour. Your daughter will be internalising all of this. Get a grip. I know it hurts and I can understand, we all do. Everyone has been sad and heartbroken at some point, but your child is your life, you yourself are your life. Not some shit man.

What about your children? Surely they mean a point to your life? You don't need a man to complete you, and as for Christmas it's just one day, there's another 364 normal days, you will get through this

I really think a call to The Samaritans is in order OP.

You need to get some perspective on this and talk through things. They are very helpful. Xx

I know you are all right. I just feel
so pathetic and broken without him I can’t help it

You're not pathetic OP you're just shell shocked, you've only just found out so you're in processing mode, with time it will get better

That's ok. But feelings are just feelings.

You're not broken or pathetic.

Will you give The Samaritans a call.

And as for cuddles, your daughter will provide you with plenty of those. You gotta model a strong independent woman op. She will be looking to you as a role model. X I'm off to bed now. Take it easy on yourself x

OP, the problem isn’t him leaving you, the problem is that you say you don’t have a life without him. That can be fixed. The more you shore up your life, build a network, have contact with other people, the less you will feel that you need him. Start small - chat to neighbours, parents at the school gates - and gradually do more. Your daughter needs to see that you can be independent and have a life of your own.

OP you don't want to be with a man who doesn't want to be with you. You WILL be okay without him, you just need some time to get over the shock and grief. You have a daughter and she is the centre of your world, not him.

It sounds like your world has shrunk since you've been with him. You need friends, hobbies, adventures and challenges. You need to feel like a whole confident person in your own right - you don't need a man for this.

Maybe think about having some counselling? You only have one life and the only one responsible for making it a good one is you. No other person is responsible for your happiness.

Take it a day at a time and look after yourself and your daughter. Don't allow yourself to wallow in self pity. Tell yourself that relationships break down and people do pick themselves up and find happiness again. You can do this.

I felt horrific when I separated from my ex. For a long time I felt like we were letting our DC down and owed it to them to provide a stable home with both parents. It ate away at me for so long and made me feel sick with guilt.

I am a few years post separation now, and I can see that we absolutely did the right thing. Your DC need happy, healthy parents, which together you are not.

You’re not going to feel better overnight and I’m so sorry that you don’t have a support system around you, but you can do this and you will be happy again.

I would go to the GP on Monday and get something to help take the edge off for a bit. Then take things one step at a time. Write a list of everything you need to do, including sorting out any benefits, council tax etc to get your finances up and running.

Make a plan for when DC will spend time with dad. Don’t have him in the house with you for visits at the moment as him being around is not something that will be good for you right now.

At some point, have a look for some activities/hobbies that you and DC can do together and that you can do alone when DC is with dad. These are great places to meet other people and you need to start making some friends who you can meet up with for coffee and play dates etc. you might not have people around you right now, but when you’re ready, start building your village! Apart from one person, all my friends are people I met since I separated and they really are my people.

I promise you will be ok x