He’s met someone else 💔

[FajitaFriday]

Please help me. I’m breaking down. My partner and I have been having relationship problems for a while but after he came back to me in August I thought we were working on things.

We’ve been together 12 years. We have a 10 year old daughter. He’s my best friend my only friend.

Since Monday he’s been saying he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I’ve begged and pleaded and promised everything but he’s been so cold and adamant that he doesn’t love me like he used to and it’s over.

Cut to tonight he comes back home and I start up crying and begging him to give me another chance but he wasn’t interested then I ask him if he’s met someone else AND HE SAID YES. He won’t tell me who she is. He won’t tell me where he met her. Apparently it’s been going on for 5 days and nothing has happened just talking. That means nothing to me, we’ve been loyal to each other our whole relationship even during breaks (about a week long before he comes back) in my eyes he might as well have fucked her.

I’m completely in shock. We’ve been here before and always managed to work things out over a week or two but never anything like this.

I don’t even know what else to write here I’m shaking and crying and just want to kill myself. And I just want him back so badly STILL.

Please help if you can I have no one else to turn to and I don’t know how to get through the next hour let alone the rest of my life without him.

Thank you for reading x

You need to accept this is over and stop begging. If he comes back it would only be a temporary plaster over this relationship. He wants out and have tried multiple times. Accepting it is where you can start to heal. It won't be easy but over time you will get there.

Use this time now to focus on making yourself better, more independent and find your own self without being a couple, find new interests even if it is just going out for walks. No one should have been this dependent on a relationship where he sounds like you made him your only source of happiness. That can be quite suffocating.

He wasn't your only friend. You have a daughter. Let her be a source of happiness, but again, not your only 1 as it is too much to put on someone. She will grow up and want her own independence, but she will always need you, you have to be strong for her. You've had your meltdown moment, let it all out. Now time to pick yourself up, try and do something for you and get into a better space for when your daughter gets home. You haven't failed her with this relationship breakdown. It happens. Its where you go from here that matters now. A man leaving doesn't mean your life is over

The 'dick' was protecting his daughter, as he is her legal guardian too.

He's not going to leave her behind, with her mum screaming and crying on the floor, is he?

Would you do that to your 10 year old daughter??

What an awful relationship and likely a terrible atmosphere and environment for your child.

Count this definite end to the back and forth between the pair of you as a blessing

I am very very relieved that the children are not with the Op given the state she is in

I read some of OP’s previous posts and this has been going on for years.
It is clear there has been an alcohol issue which can be difficult for anyone to live with.
OP is in her fifties I assumed she was 30s/40s.
A few years younger than me. It is absolute madness to be living like this and there is also a son of 10 in the mix.
Both of these parents are doing a terrible job.
OP says she can’t go on every time he goes. In this era, you need a bit of calm in your life.
I assumed I had commented to a younger woman and I’m not saying it’s an excuse for drama but it happens.
But at this age to say you can’t live because of this man when you have two children depending on you is cruel on them.
OP says she’s recently become a Christian. Go to Church - they have fantastic communities. Get involved. Sort your life out and look after your children.
You should not be drinking a shed load with two young kids in the house never mind a step child.

Ring a help line of you have no one else.
The behaviour is abit obsessive and concerning so best the kids are away
Time to pull it together for youre daughter.
Many pull through and carry on.
Expand youre outer circle so less focus and support is on only one person.
Benefits cor a temp faze then decide what you want to do because work can be a stabilty a man can not take from you as well as being all you have.
If you seriously feel unstable gonsee the gp asap because sorry I have no sympathy for such.

Hi everyone. Thank you all for your replies. I know you are all right in what you’re saying - if this were happening to someone I knew I’d be raging for them and certainly wouldn’t advise them to hold onto hope. Somehow I feel worse today than last night I can’t stop crying. I am contacting the Drs today.

I’m 36

I understand why you feel like this
but I promise it will not feel this way forever. The relationship sounds toxic and a really terrible environment for your daughter with her parents constantly breaking up, making up, arguing etc. it’s teaching her really bad lessons about relationships and what she should tolerate when she’s older.

It sounds like breaking up is for the best. Focus on your daughter, on getting yourself happy again. Join some social groups, do fun things with your daughter, reconnect with old friends. Build a life that’s focused around you and your daughter’s happiness. You do not need him to make you happy.

My apologies about your age.
Am I right in that you have both a son and a daughter?
You deserve far better than this man leaving you on a loop. You are worth far more than that, and so are your kids.
You should never have to beg anyone for love. Keep that chin up. Hold your head high.
You have many many more years to go. This man is probably all you have known and I get it.
You will never regret building a new life and finding your own strength, ever.

I think the son might be the daughter. She’s said both are 10. Some people on here change the sexes of children so be less identifiable. So I think it’s the same child. Whether of not it’s a male or female child I’m not sure but I guess it doesn’t really matter.

You need to learn to live without him! It’s so hard, I know but the way you are feeling now will not last. I was told by a psychologist, when you feel hopeless, down, depressed.. it’s just a feeling, in a year.. will you still be feeling like dying without him?? definitely not!

You have so much to live for, your daughter! She needs you to be strong and show resilience! It’s okay for her to see you hurt, but you are an example for her. So, don’t let her see that without a man in your life, you can’t push on and continue.

Use this time whilst your daughter’s away, have a good cry, eat junk and get it all out of your system, get him out of your system!! Trust me, you’ll get there!

In terms of your finances, don’t think to much about it now and burden yourself.

All will work out in the end!!

(I’m talking from experience!)

Yes sorry the 10 year old is my daughter, I may have said son in previous posts for anonymity but I forgot this time

This is incredibly unhealthy. How can he be your whole world when you have a child? I have a wonderful husband and a child I love deeply but I am still my own person. You need to break out of this mindset and realise you are a whole, complete and worthy person in your own right and you are wasting your one life feeling this way. Do you have hobbies? What do you and your daughter like doing together? You need to rebuild yourself, and your life. For both you and you daughter’s sake.

Im so sorry you are going through such a difficult emotionally painful situation.
Im glad you are seeking professional medical advice as you do seem disregulated and very low (understandably)
Your priorities need to be your own health and your DD wellbeing.
The painful reality is that you cant make your partner want to be with you and you can only deal with this if you are strong and well yourself.
I can see a strength in you even when you are describing your pain.
Reaching out online tells me you want help to get through this and you seem clearer this morning.
Do you have anyone IRL you can talk to?

The on and off nature of your relationship must be so confusing and unsettling for the kids, him leaving for weeks then coming back.

It’s not in their best interests to live in such a turbulent home where it sounds like there is toxic codependency (including the feeling you can’t live without him / life is pointless without him, even though you have children) at play.

Would you be open to some therapy? I think it could be hugely beneficial.