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TW DW Is this a genuine apology from a husband to his wife, or is he mainly talking about himself?

346 replies

Quitebulesky27 · 01/11/2026 05:05

Two days ago, my husband physically hurt my jaw during an argument. I already suffer from chronic TMJ problems. He pushed me onto the floor and forcefully pressed my lower jaw backward with both hands. I heard a cracking sound, experienced severe pain, and struggled to move my jaw normally for hours.
While I was crying and struggling to speak because of the pain, he repeatedly shouted that I was faking.
Our daughter became frightened and tried to pull me away to safety. Because moving was hurting my jaw, I eventually managed to shout, “STOP!”
The moment I managed to speak, my husband started laughing, jumping up and down, and shouting, “See! You’re faking! Look, she’s faking!” He even called our daughter’s attention to it.
We didn’t speak afterward. The following day, he sent me this message.
This is his exact message:
“I was wrong about that. Even though it was an accident it doesn’t matter now I wish that didn’t happened to you. I didn’t mean to hurt you at all, and I feel terrible that I did.
I wish that the words could change anything now. I am speach less.
And now just send this message and thinking if I said something wrong
Because the inside of me is Utterly drained of strength, deeply consumed by despair, and with low morale.
I swear to God I never want to be the source of your pain.”
I would genuinely appreciate independent, honest opinions.
When you read his message, do you see a sincere apology?
Does it demonstrate empathy and accountability toward his wife, or does it seem primarily focused on his own feelings?
What do you think about the fact that he doesn’t mention mocking me or accusing me of faking in front of our daughter?
I’m not looking for people to automatically agree with me. I want honest opinions about what this message communicates and what it leaves out.

OP posts:
Sally2791 · 01/11/2026 05:09

Please make plans to remove yourself and your child from this situation as soon as possible

Ovalframes · 01/11/2026 05:10

He is violent, abusive and manipulative.
He is gaslighting you.
You need to get yourself and your child away from this dangerous man before he kills you.

Inheritancequestions · 01/11/2026 05:13

He is violent and dangerous and is likely to seriously hurt you and/or your DC. Please get help to leave ASAP. Women's Aid or a domestic abuse charity can help.

JellyTrees · 01/11/2026 05:19

I don’t think there’s a way to appropriately or genuinely apologise for abusing you, especially in front of your child, other than allowing you to leave with as much financial support and distance as he can manage, then getting himself some professional help. Sorry for you OP

Quitebulesky27 · 01/11/2026 05:22

Sally2791 · 01/11/2026 05:09

Please make plans to remove yourself and your child from this situation as soon as possible

I appreciate your concern and thank you for responding. I understand why you feel that way. What I’m hoping for is an honest opinion about his message. Do his words show genuine remorse and empathy, or do they focus on his feelings? I’d appreciate your thoughts on what he acknowledges and what he leaves out I wanted to add my daughter is 19

OP posts:
AnyPomegranate · 01/11/2026 05:23

No, they don’t show remorse and empathy. He knows that what he did is illegal and he is trying to cover his tracks by stating that it was an accident in writing.

Quitebulesky27 · 01/11/2026 05:27

Just to clarify something in my original post, my daughter is 19 years old. I wanted to mention her age so there isn’t any misunderstanding. I’m particularly interested in everyone’s honest opinions about my husband’s message, including whether it demonstrates genuine remorse, empathy, and accountability.

OP posts:
grinandslothit · 01/11/2026 05:29

No, it's not a genuine apology at all
He is a violent man he could have killed you
You are in danger

AgentKim · 01/11/2026 05:31

Why are you asking these questions?
He will kill you one day.
I think you are brain washed and what him to be sorry but he is not.
He is just covering his self incase you call the police which you should do.
If someone loves and cares for you they wouldnt try to brake your jaw or jump up and down with glee about it.
GET OUT !!!!

FiveShelties · 01/11/2026 05:32

So what if he is remorseful, do not give him a chance to do it again.

Lavenderwindow · 01/11/2026 05:33

Who cares what it says. There is no excuse or apology that can undo what he did to you. This cannot be forgiven or repaired.

Imagine your toaster explodes and almost burns the house down. The next day you take the toaster to the skip to fucking get rid of it. You don't stand there wondering if the pop mechanism still works. It's completely irrelevant because you're dumping that piece of shit anyway.

BananaCocktail · 01/11/2026 05:35

Quitebulesky27 · 01/11/2026 05:22

I appreciate your concern and thank you for responding. I understand why you feel that way. What I’m hoping for is an honest opinion about his message. Do his words show genuine remorse and empathy, or do they focus on his feelings? I’d appreciate your thoughts on what he acknowledges and what he leaves out I wanted to add my daughter is 19

No they do not sound genuine. It sounds like he used AI to apologise. As your daughter is 19, you could ask her about leaving together, she must have been scared and horrified.
(((hugs)))

Artfuldreamer1 · 01/11/2026 05:40

His message calls it an accident and then says he didn’t mean to hurt you - from what you have described he actions were not an accident.

That is not an apology nor is he sincere.

He also does not refer to what he said, only his thought “if I said something wrong”

Again this is not an apology nor taking account for his actions (which is a separate point if this is even possible)

Lastly he appears to qualify his actions by referring to his despair and low morale -
he does not show empathy for your feelings at all.

This message is trying to make himself feel better as he seeks some reassurance from you, rather than really taking account for himself.

No mention of how you feel or even a promise to never do again / seek counselling to fix his temper etc

So I would not read this as an apology in any way.

Coatsoff42 · 01/11/2026 05:40

No, he takes no responsibility for his actions, he doesn’t accept he was wrong, there are no steps to reconcile or compensate you emotionally or in any other way. This is a bullshit apology and you know it’s a bullshit apology because you don’t believe it’s genuine.
Talk is cheap.

This is domestic violence, you should value your self and your one precious life and get rid of your husband. You should value your daughter and show her how women respond to abusive men.

FriNightBlues · 01/11/2026 05:42

No of course it isn’t remorseful. For a start, it wasn’t an accident. It was deliberate. And for seconds, nobody who is really remorseful would send a message the next day.

And lastly, even if it was remorseful it wouldn’t matter. Next time it will be worse.

TerrorAustralis · 01/11/2026 05:44

To answer your question, no. It’s not an apology at all, let alone a genuine one. Nowhere does it say he is sorry or he apologises for what he did. He just says he “wish[es] it didn’t happen to you.” That is not apologising.

Please take note of that language. He is deliberately removing his own actions and responsibility from what happened. He is calling it something that happened to you, not something he did. This, combined with calling it an accident, makes it sound like an event that was out of anyone’s control. Don’t fall for this. You know it wasn’t an accident. It didn’t “happen to you,” he did it to you.

RelievedNoYouTubeMum · 01/11/2026 05:50

No OP. He is likely worried your daughter will go to the police (I hope she does) and he is trying to cover his back.
Abusers don’t just stop and see sense one day.

Pleae don’t jet this happen to you again.

Summerhillsquare · 01/11/2026 05:50

It doesn't matter love, he's a wife beater, he won't change. Have you been to A&E? If not just set off now, you've been assaulted and they can help you.

letsgoanonforthis · 01/11/2026 05:54

Can I ask why this is what you're focussing on?

Would it change how you feel if he had made a genuine heartfelt apology? (which IMO he definitely has not)

I'm betting this is not the first time he's physically assaulted you

You and your daughter need to remove yourselves (forever) from the presence of this monster before he kills you - accidentally or not - fake apology or not

💐

Arregaithel · 01/11/2026 05:55

"I’m particularly interested in everyone’s honest opinions about my husband’s message, including whether it demonstrates genuine remorse, empathy, and accountability"

Honestly @Quitebulesky27 No, his message does not demonstrate any of those things.

He is minimising what he did to you, to make himself feel better!

I hope you have the courage to recognise that this is domestic abuse designed to confuse you, make you doubt your reality, and keep you trapped.

You have a daughter @Quitebulesky27 it is vital, for you both, that his behaviour should never be seen as acceptable nor downplayed.

Mapletree1985 · 01/11/2026 05:55

I'm sure he is very sorry. I'm sure he wishes he wasn't the kind of man who would lay violent hands on his wife, hurt her, and then laugh at her struggles and pain.

But he is. And you and your daughter can't live with that. Will he be sobbing and heartsick and utterly speechless when he breaks your arm? When he breaks your neck?

VashtaNerada · 01/11/2026 05:58

Someone genuinely remorseful would talk about actions to make you safe in the future - ie talking to the GP about the anger issue or saying he will move out until he has that side of himself in check.
At the end of the day though, it actually doesn’t matter if he is sorry. It doesn’t matter if he has an ‘excuse’ for his behaviour or if he’s a ‘nice’ person normally.
All that matters is that his behaviour is dangerous and needs to stop. He may not have the capacity to stop by himself so you may need to remove yourself to a place of safety.
Questions - has he hurt you before? Has he humiliated you before? Has he lied to you before about what you know to be true (gaslighting)?

Lurkingandlearning · 01/11/2026 05:59

his message wasn’t a sincere apology. He said what he did to your jaw was an accident. That is a lie . Using both hands to force someone’s jaw down isn’t an accident it is assault. Why does it matter if he is apologetic? How badly does he have to hurt you before you realise you deserve better?

66babe · 01/11/2026 06:01

No .. it does not
It screams of a man who’s aware he’s a violent bully and trying cover his own back and pacify you into accepting this disgusting behaviour
You and your daughter deserve better
Leave and enjoy the rest of your life .

Notquitethetruth · 01/11/2026 06:01

No his message is not genuine, he is not remorseful and there is no accountability. He is a dangerous, abusive bully.
I presume your daughter has had 19 years of watching this behaviour. What has she learnt about relationships and what damage has been done to her? Get out of there now and get both her and you into counselling before both of you end up with serious injury. He is pushing the limits every single time. Soon there will be none.

Have you had your jaw checked out?