TW DW Is this a genuine apology from a husband to his wife, or is he mainly talking about himself?

[Quitebulesky27]

Two days ago, my husband physically hurt my jaw during an argument. I already suffer from chronic TMJ problems. He pushed me onto the floor and forcefully pressed my lower jaw backward with both hands. I heard a cracking sound, experienced severe pain, and struggled to move my jaw normally for hours.
While I was crying and struggling to speak because of the pain, he repeatedly shouted that I was faking.
Our daughter became frightened and tried to pull me away to safety. Because moving was hurting my jaw, I eventually managed to shout, “STOP!”
The moment I managed to speak, my husband started laughing, jumping up and down, and shouting, “See! You’re faking! Look, she’s faking!” He even called our daughter’s attention to it.
We didn’t speak afterward. The following day, he sent me this message.
This is his exact message:
“I was wrong about that. Even though it was an accident it doesn’t matter now I wish that didn’t happened to you. I didn’t mean to hurt you at all, and I feel terrible that I did.
I wish that the words could change anything now. I am speach less.
And now just send this message and thinking if I said something wrong
Because the inside of me is Utterly drained of strength, deeply consumed by despair, and with low morale.
I swear to God I never want to be the source of your pain.”
I would genuinely appreciate independent, honest opinions.
When you read his message, do you see a sincere apology?
Does it demonstrate empathy and accountability toward his wife, or does it seem primarily focused on his own feelings?
What do you think about the fact that he doesn’t mention mocking me or accusing me of faking in front of our daughter?
I’m not looking for people to automatically agree with me. I want honest opinions about what this message communicates and what it leaves out.

No it isn't a sincere apology.

whether it demonstrates genuine remorse, empathy, and accountability.

It shows none of that. It is said to placate you.

Sounds like a chat gpt message from him!
Why are you so concerned about whether his message is genuine though, rather than getting out of a situation where you're likely to end up in a box?!

God good, what on earth are you living with ? You need to have him removed. That man is one very dangerous individual. Please get him out today before you become a murder case we read about in the newspaper.

In my opinion, the words are not a genuine apology. Please go and get medically checked. Then you and your daughter get away from this man.

Even IF your husband’s message sounded genuinely remorseful or he sounded incredibly apologetic, it’s irrelevant because he is violent and abusive.

I’d be very surprised if this was the first time an altercation like this had occurred and equally surprised if it’s the last time it does.

Regardless of your daughter’s age, she should not be witnessing anything like this. Neither should you. You both need to leave and find somewhere safe away from this man.

When you read his message, do you see a sincere apology?

I don't even see a fake one. He doesn't say he's sorry and he claims it was an accident. He's simply trying to cover his arse in writing because he has committed a violent crime against you.

You're obviously desperately looking for a way to try to make this ok but it will never be ok. Your daughter has presumably seen this kind of thing before too. Please,please, he is not a good man who made a mistake and can be healed or tamed by the power of your love. He's a violent criminal misogynist who thinks harming you is his right and only cares about covering himself. You need to get away from him. They do not change except to get worse.

This.

OP, the message is IRRELEVANT. What is relevant is the outright ASSAULT he committed on you, and laughed afterwards while you were in pain. This man is a psychopath, I'm not using that word lightly. The fact that you're insisting it's his pathetic message that's important is a measure of how deep you're in denial. Just read your own description of what he did & try to grasp how serious this was. Get away from this man & get help now.

He’s a psychopath and you should go to the police and report his assault, today.

No empathy , remorse or accountability at all.

Please call Women's Aid and get help to get out of this situation begore he damages you or your daughter further.

What did I even just read?!

No, it doesn’t sound genuine. If he was truly sorry and cared about you, the only proper response on his part would be to realise that his extreme inability to control his own behaviour is putting your safety at risk and thus remove himself from being anywhere near you.

It is abundantly clear that being near him is dangerous for you. He’s not able to control his own behaviour. If he cared about you he would want to keep you safe, even if that meant staying away from you.

The message is bullshit, it means nothing. It isn’t an apology. Get away from this awful man

People like that are not capable of those things. Wake up.

Posters are concerned because the fact that you are focusing on whether or not this is a real apology suggests you might be considering staying if you think it is. That’s not blaming you at all but I think you have been so worn down by him and what he does has become normalised when it really isn’t. He is incredibly dangerous.

Please make plans to leave. Don’t tell him about these plans. Have you got a trusted friend or relative who can help? Can you call the police to report his violent assault? Woman’s Aid can help with advice, support and practical help.

While I would strongly suggest that a genuine apology would still be irrelevant in terms of your need to get out, if it helps to have an answer about his message, not it absolutely is not a real apology.

‘I was wrong about that. He was wrong about your jaw being hurt - note, he is not saying he was wrong to assault you. Even though it was an accident it doesn’t matter now I wish that didn’t happened to you. It wasn’t an accident, he’s minimising. It didn’t ’happened to you’; he did it to you and isn’t taking responsibility for that.’

I didn’t mean to hurt you at all, and I feel terrible that I did. I wish that the words could change anything now. I am speach less. He isn’t ‘speechless’; he’s literally texting you. He has enough coldness and manipulativeness to find the exact words that he hopes will work to worm his was back in and stop you going to the police.
And now just send this message and thinking if I said something wrong He’s focusing on whether he said something wrong not the violent assault he committed against you. He is minimising and deflecting. Note, he doesn’t even admit that he ‘said’ something wrong, using ‘if’.
Because the inside of me is Utterly drained of strength, deeply consumed by despair, and with low morale. He focuses on his own feelings using hyperbolic language that attempts, but fails, to suggest empathy. This is completely at odds with his actions when he laughed gleefully at your pain. He focuses on his own feelings and suffering, not yours. He is trying to manipulate you to feel sorry for him He also makes himself sound oddly detached from his feelings as if he isn’t in control of them - he’s suggesting that he wasn’t in control when he violently assaulted you, but he was and will be when it happens again.
I swear to God I never want to be the source of your pain.”’ This is absolute bullshit. He took delight in your pain.

No his message displays no accountability at all and this man will hurt you again. Please leave

There is no come back from this, he was violent to you, end of marriage. Follow the advice on here.
All the best of luck.

He could and very well may kill you both. You only need to remember the names Claire and Charlotte Hart to know that this can and does happen. Incidentally, Charlotte was 19.
Please report him to the police and leave.

You have just described a serious, violent, terrifying assault. And your daughter desperately trying to help you get away to safety.
You are ignoring that and focusing instead on your husband's fake apology.
Why?
An apology/no apology is utterly irrelevant.
What you need to be focusing on is leaving him IMMEDIATELY.
Please contact Women's Aid and your GP.

You are focusing on the wrong thing

He had his hands right near your throat and held you down, he also went for a part of your body you suffer with chronic pain to inflict the worst pain.

I volunteered for a DV charity, this man could very well kill you or seriously injure you. You are also modelling this type of relationship being ok to your daughter.

I am sure some convicted murderers have remorse, it doesn’t make them ok.

Your husband violently attacked you in front of your daughter, the fact she’s 19 doesn’t make it ok, and your focus is on is the apology genuine? Not you should leave??

Did he mean morale or morals, becasue he certainly has none. He shouldn't be able to talk himself out of this - he did what he did. You can't trust him.

It is not a meaningful apology, he doesn’t even acknowledge that he did it.

He claims it was an accident
He describes it as something that ‘happened to you’ rather than saying I ‘I wish I had not done it’

It is worse than a non-apology, he is trying to gaslight you into believing that he is not responsible for attacking you.

And trying to get you to feel sorry for him

Manipulative emotional abuse on top of the violent physical abuse.

?? It doesn’t matter what he says, whether it’s genuine or not genuine, this or that.

He’s a violent man who pinned you on the floor in front of your child and mocked you. It’s not a situation where there’s any doubt about this, is there?

If you really don’t wish to be “the source of someone’s pain” then it’s really not that difficult- just don’t pin them to a floor and mock them.