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TW DW Is this a genuine apology from a husband to his wife, or is he mainly talking about himself?

346 replies

Quitebulesky27 · 01/11/2026 05:05

Two days ago, my husband physically hurt my jaw during an argument. I already suffer from chronic TMJ problems. He pushed me onto the floor and forcefully pressed my lower jaw backward with both hands. I heard a cracking sound, experienced severe pain, and struggled to move my jaw normally for hours.
While I was crying and struggling to speak because of the pain, he repeatedly shouted that I was faking.
Our daughter became frightened and tried to pull me away to safety. Because moving was hurting my jaw, I eventually managed to shout, “STOP!”
The moment I managed to speak, my husband started laughing, jumping up and down, and shouting, “See! You’re faking! Look, she’s faking!” He even called our daughter’s attention to it.
We didn’t speak afterward. The following day, he sent me this message.
This is his exact message:
“I was wrong about that. Even though it was an accident it doesn’t matter now I wish that didn’t happened to you. I didn’t mean to hurt you at all, and I feel terrible that I did.
I wish that the words could change anything now. I am speach less.
And now just send this message and thinking if I said something wrong
Because the inside of me is Utterly drained of strength, deeply consumed by despair, and with low morale.
I swear to God I never want to be the source of your pain.”
I would genuinely appreciate independent, honest opinions.
When you read his message, do you see a sincere apology?
Does it demonstrate empathy and accountability toward his wife, or does it seem primarily focused on his own feelings?
What do you think about the fact that he doesn’t mention mocking me or accusing me of faking in front of our daughter?
I’m not looking for people to automatically agree with me. I want honest opinions about what this message communicates and what it leaves out.

OP posts:
Nursegladys2 · 01/11/2026 18:14

I don't think I've seen a MN post where EVERY response says the same. OP please, seek help. Get medical attention, for your injury, while you're there, please call the police, who can make sure you're safe, whilst this brute is escorted off your property, in handcuffs, and charges can be brought against him. You, and your daughter, deserve better. What if he kills you next time? Is that all right, as long as he's sufficiently sorry, afterwards? Seek help. ASAP. Please.

maxslice · 01/11/2026 18:28

Saying he’s sorry this happened to you is a non-apology. The rest of it depicts him as someone you ought to feel sorry for. It’s disingenuous and manipulative. If anything, you should report him to the police. And be checked out at hospital so that there is an official record he’s done this.

He does not deserve a second chance.

I doubt you will take this advice. But you know very well this was even more traumatic for your daughter. Do you really want her to believe it’s okay for a man to seriously hurt her as long as he says, “Sorry”.

maxslice · 01/11/2026 18:31

EverybodyLTB · 01/11/2026 10:59

It’s not a nice or genuinely remorseful message. He’s a violent abuser and you need to leave. Your daughter will be in the same position one day if you don’t show her that it’s not acceptable. Or you’ll both be dead at his hands, in all seriousness.

You don’t need to leave, you need to kick him out or have him forcibly removed. Change the locks and get an order of protection. Tell your daughter’s school he is not allowed on the premises or permitted to pick her up.

PJHB · 01/11/2026 18:35

Rereading this post again, and the replies, his note reads more like it is AI generated. Report to police and GP immediately please.

ThreadGuardDog · 01/11/2026 18:35

maxslice · 01/11/2026 18:31

You don’t need to leave, you need to kick him out or have him forcibly removed. Change the locks and get an order of protection. Tell your daughter’s school he is not allowed on the premises or permitted to pick her up.

OP can’t kick him out or change the locks if they are married and jointly occupy/own the property. She needs a court order, and for that she needs concrete proof of abuse. And her daughter is 19.

Inheritancequestions · 01/11/2026 18:42

A genuine apology would involve him moving out and seeking urgent help for anger management/ being a perpetrator of domestic violence. That "apology" is just drivel, and by trying to re-brand it as an accident, it's entirely clear that he's not sorry and isn't apologising.

You should report it to the police.

The fact that your daughter is 19 makes it even worse as he thinks he can do that kind of thing thing in front of another adult who can report him to the police. It suggests he feels he has a huge amount of control over you both.

DeadPlants · 01/11/2026 19:09

In no way does this message demonstrate empathy or accountability. It isn't even an apology, let alone a sincere one. He hasn't even used the word sorry. He doesn't care that he hurt you, only that you don't report it. He's 100% minimising what he did and making himself the victim. In his opinion, YOU should feel sorry for him.

You should leave immediately. It won't get better. What a horrible man and a miserable relationship.

maxslice · 01/11/2026 19:40

ThreadGuardDog · 01/11/2026 18:35

OP can’t kick him out or change the locks if they are married and jointly occupy/own the property. She needs a court order, and for that she needs concrete proof of abuse. And her daughter is 19.

Thanks for setting me straight. In that case, she needs to find somewhere safe and look into what can be done to protect herself and her daughter.

Auroraloves · 01/11/2026 22:41

Quitebulesky27 · 01/11/2026 05:22

I appreciate your concern and thank you for responding. I understand why you feel that way. What I’m hoping for is an honest opinion about his message. Do his words show genuine remorse and empathy, or do they focus on his feelings? I’d appreciate your thoughts on what he acknowledges and what he leaves out I wanted to add my daughter is 19

I’m so sorry this has happened to you.

Just to be clear though, his words mean absolutely nothing, his actions tell it all. Screenshot this message from him, hope you find the strength to leave

LiuBei · 01/11/2026 22:52

Quitebulesky27 · 01/11/2026 05:22

I appreciate your concern and thank you for responding. I understand why you feel that way. What I’m hoping for is an honest opinion about his message. Do his words show genuine remorse and empathy, or do they focus on his feelings? I’d appreciate your thoughts on what he acknowledges and what he leaves out I wanted to add my daughter is 19

I just don't think is an answerable question. I don't think you can tell whether remorse is genuine from a message like this. I forgiving him would be unwise.

Blogswife · 01/11/2026 23:08

This man is abusive to you and your DD.
He is not remorseful, he has no empathy. He is gaslighting you and he will do it again .
Please try to find the strength to seek help and to get away from him. Next time it’ll be worse .

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 01/11/2026 23:23

The message was purely a CYA* tactic, nothing more.

*cover your ass (American corporate term for making sure you dont get blamed)

IrishSeaMoss · 02/11/2026 00:18

Contact Women's Aid for advice and get out as soon as you can before he hurts you again or kills you.

HebeMumsnet · 02/11/2026 12:48

Hi there, OP. We're so sorry to hear this has happened to you. We don't have any advice about the message in particular, but just in case you needed further support, we wanted to draw your attention to the links to our Relationships and Domestic Violence webguides at the top of this thread.

Mrschocciewockydodah · 02/11/2026 18:41

HebeMumsnet · 02/11/2026 12:48

Hi there, OP. We're so sorry to hear this has happened to you. We don't have any advice about the message in particular, but just in case you needed further support, we wanted to draw your attention to the links to our Relationships and Domestic Violence webguides at the top of this thread.

Hello,

How about your Safeguarding Policy?
Under your terms & conditions I read this…

“ However, on rare occasions where there appears to be a clear need to safeguard the welfare of a Mumsnetter and/or his/her family, it may be necessary to contact relevant authorities about a clearly identifiable member and his/her posts on Mumsnet.”

GiantSuit · 02/11/2026 18:43

Fifthtimelucky · 01/11/2026 06:58

I don’t think it matters whether the apology is genuine or not. The fact is that he is a very violent man.

As others have said, you should leave him.

Exactly. The violence negates any possible apology. It wasn’t an accident.

sprigatito · 02/11/2026 18:49

It’s too big an ask, OP - you want people to focus on the minutiae of what he’s written and what he might be feeling, while we are seeing an abusive, dangerous man who has physically harmed you in front of your daughter. It doesn’t matter whether he thinks he’s remorseful or not! It doesn’t affect the seriousness of what he’s done or the danger he poses to your safety. But for what it’s worth, his “apology” reads like self-pitying, pompous horseshit to me.

Please consider getting yourself somewhere safe, so that you and your daughter can heal. You’re too invested in what’s going on in his head, when it’s his fists you should be worried about.

Pieceofpurplesky · 02/11/2026 19:05

He's saying what you want to hear so he can control you further. You will believe him, he will do it again and the cycle continues

Vaxtable · 03/11/2026 00:48

No it doesn’t. He’s abused you and you need to report it and leave

Endoadnowarrior · 03/11/2026 04:07

Quitebulesky27 · 01/11/2026 05:27

Just to clarify something in my original post, my daughter is 19 years old. I wanted to mention her age so there isn’t any misunderstanding. I’m particularly interested in everyone’s honest opinions about my husband’s message, including whether it demonstrates genuine remorse, empathy, and accountability.

No, it does not show any genuine remorse or empathy. To show that there would need to be accountability for what ACTUALLY happened not his sanitised version of events.

Regardless of her age, your daughter should not be witnessing her father abusing her mother. The fact that she has witnessed this and not immediately called the police is a major red flag in itself as suggests shes been conditioned to see this behaviour as "normal" rather than the abhorrent act it was and/or she's scared of the repercussions.

AshCullen1894 · 03/11/2026 04:25

The apology is not genuine. Your husband is a vile cunt who enjoys hurting you.

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