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TW DW Is this a genuine apology from a husband to his wife, or is he mainly talking about himself?

346 replies

Quitebulesky27 · 01/11/2026 05:05

Two days ago, my husband physically hurt my jaw during an argument. I already suffer from chronic TMJ problems. He pushed me onto the floor and forcefully pressed my lower jaw backward with both hands. I heard a cracking sound, experienced severe pain, and struggled to move my jaw normally for hours.
While I was crying and struggling to speak because of the pain, he repeatedly shouted that I was faking.
Our daughter became frightened and tried to pull me away to safety. Because moving was hurting my jaw, I eventually managed to shout, “STOP!”
The moment I managed to speak, my husband started laughing, jumping up and down, and shouting, “See! You’re faking! Look, she’s faking!” He even called our daughter’s attention to it.
We didn’t speak afterward. The following day, he sent me this message.
This is his exact message:
“I was wrong about that. Even though it was an accident it doesn’t matter now I wish that didn’t happened to you. I didn’t mean to hurt you at all, and I feel terrible that I did.
I wish that the words could change anything now. I am speach less.
And now just send this message and thinking if I said something wrong
Because the inside of me is Utterly drained of strength, deeply consumed by despair, and with low morale.
I swear to God I never want to be the source of your pain.”
I would genuinely appreciate independent, honest opinions.
When you read his message, do you see a sincere apology?
Does it demonstrate empathy and accountability toward his wife, or does it seem primarily focused on his own feelings?
What do you think about the fact that he doesn’t mention mocking me or accusing me of faking in front of our daughter?
I’m not looking for people to automatically agree with me. I want honest opinions about what this message communicates and what it leaves out.

OP posts:
Gingernaut · 01/11/2026 06:03

He deliberately hurt you by attacking your face, knowing you suffer from an extremely painful condition there

It was not an "accident"

He is not remorseful, he was self pitying

This was not a genuine apology

TraitorOrFaithful · 01/11/2026 06:08

He may be remorseful or he may have sent the message as "evidence" in case you report him to the police. Sometimes domestic abusers are sorry afterwards but that doesn't make them not guilty of a violent crime. Sometimes murderers are sorry afterwards too. Don't stay to see if he's also sorry next time OP.

Phoenix1Arisen · 01/11/2026 06:10

Why are you concentrating on his words when it is his actions that speak the loudest!

MagnoliaParks · 01/11/2026 06:12

Quitebulesky27 · 01/11/2026 05:27

Just to clarify something in my original post, my daughter is 19 years old. I wanted to mention her age so there isn’t any misunderstanding. I’m particularly interested in everyone’s honest opinions about my husband’s message, including whether it demonstrates genuine remorse, empathy, and accountability.

Why? It could be the most empathetic and remorseful post in the world and it doesn’t change anything. You’re being physically abused and need to leave.

Many DV perpetrators are genuinely remorseful in the aftermath. They often still go on to murder their partner though, and presumably feel very remorseful after that too.

IggysPop · 01/11/2026 06:13

No it’s not genuine.

Genuine remorse would be removing himself from the household and getting help to get with his violent behaviour.

I feel sorry for your daughter. If he had done this to her, I wonder if musing on an apology would be your priority.

Finallyseenthelights · 01/11/2026 06:16

No, it is self pitying and self consumed. Any reference to your suffering is immediately met with how that negatively affects him. He is worried he over/stepped and there was a witness in your adult daughter. Get yourself and her somewhere safe as soon as possible and keep your location hidden from him. Then call the police to log this.

Was he drunk/ on drugs? Has he done something like this before? Has he hurt your daughter before? Is this an escalation of behaviour towards you?

Your safety and that of your daughter is at great risk - you must leave him as soon as possible. Find a women’s shelter, call a charity for advice - please do not stay with this man, he has seriously harmed you and it will get worse! Good luck 💐

socialbatteryisdead · 01/11/2026 06:19

No I’d say not genuine , but even if it is ? A lot of abusers apologise then go on to do it again.
This was a violent attack , he will do it again and next time it could be worse.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 01/11/2026 06:20

It's clear to us you won't leave him as you're looking for a technicality in his message to dispute rather than what you should be doing, which is to leave.

CafedelaButte · 01/11/2026 06:20

If you won’t leave or report him for yourself, please do it for your daughter. What sort of man hurts his wife, sees his daughter frightened and then starts jumping up and down laughing….absolutely chilling

Isitmyluckyday · 01/11/2026 06:24

Ridiculous. Who cates what words he writes. He violently attacked you in front of your daughter. Get out now while you can.

BabyCat2020z · 01/11/2026 06:26

No the message is not genuine or remorseful. He is rewriting history (lying) by saying it was an accident and the apology is written in a forced way. He's covering his tracks as he's scared to admit he's an abuser.

It made me so sad for you that he is treating you like this. One thing that is certain is that he won't get better so you need to leave. Report him to the police. Your daughter also is at risk so do it for her if not for you.

sodthesalami · 01/11/2026 06:31

No there is nothing genuine about that message. He is refusing to accept responsibility for his direct action by calling it an ‘accident’. Just because he didn’t ‘mean’ to hurt you does not cancel out the fact he did actually very much hurt you. It is not a sincere apology. It is more gaslighting from a dangerous man. Please make plans to leave urgently.

Kitjo · 01/11/2026 06:32

Actions speak louder than words - his actions are horrifying! His words pointless.

Yoheresthestory · 01/11/2026 06:34

Your poor daughter. Nobody should ever see that. And poor you. He’s disgusting.

SpaceAngel1999 · 01/11/2026 06:37

This is absolutely not normal. I’d of called the police if someone had done that to me. Don’t allow your child be be bought up in that environment. He needs help

TerfOnATrain · 01/11/2026 06:38

Of course he is minimising his actions, he’s shitting a brick that you may need medical help and professionals may be involved.

There is no apology, he’s telling you that what happened didn’t actually happen, to cover his arse.

Textbook abuser.

Pumpkindreams · 01/11/2026 06:40

he called it an accident which it wasn’t, that tells you everything he is trying to excuse what he did. He hasn’t actually apologised, asked how you are now or showed any care and quickly goes on to how he feels, it is not a sincere apology.

has he hurt before?

Crushed23 · 01/11/2026 06:41

Sally2791 · 01/11/2026 05:09

Please make plans to remove yourself and your child from this situation as soon as possible

This.

Fuck the apology. Who cares if it’s sincere or not. You’re focusing on the wrong thing?

OpheliaNightingale · 01/11/2026 06:42

He has put in writing that it was an accident to cover his tracks. Should you seek medical attention and his crimes come to the attention of health care professionals, they would need to safeguard you. This could involve a police report. That is his motivation for this ‘apology’. You must make plans to get yourself and your teenage Daugher away from this highly abusive male. Show your daughter that this is not ok so she makes better choices for herself.

Cardamomandlemons · 01/11/2026 06:42

Quitebulesky27 · 01/11/2026 05:27

Just to clarify something in my original post, my daughter is 19 years old. I wanted to mention her age so there isn’t any misunderstanding. I’m particularly interested in everyone’s honest opinions about my husband’s message, including whether it demonstrates genuine remorse, empathy, and accountability.

  1. Absolutely not, no real remorse, no accountability, no empathy, he is covering his own arse only.
  2. No apology could ever compensate for that behaviour. It's irrelevant.
  3. Call women's aid and make a plan to get the heck out before he does the same or worse. Don't ask for or expect apologies. Just protect yourself.
AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/11/2026 06:42

Indeed this is textbook from an abuser to his chosen targets if you and in turn your daughter who is also swing violence within the home. Like the others have written too this is no fulsome apology, this is he trying to cover himself. You need to get your jaw looked at too by a medical professional. Do also consider contacting Women’s Aid.

You have a choice re this man. Your daughter does not and she’s likely seen her dad abuse you on many occasions to date.

LetMeStayInBed · 01/11/2026 06:42

Thie message is not an apology nor does it show empathy.
Out of interest given that your daughter is a young adult, how many times in
her life has she been witness to her mother being abused by this man? Please think about the consequences to her mental health and what message it will give if you forgive him.
Even if the message had been written in genuine remorse you forgiving him is not an option. As others have said this will happen again.
You should be getting medically checked to make sure there is no damage and to log the assault.
You should definitely be focusing on getting him out of your house or yourself and daughter out. The message is just a string of words that mean nothing so stop focusing on that and make sure you and your daughter can start to live a good safe and happier life away from this abuser.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/11/2026 06:43

Did you see similar between your parents at home ?

NoWeaponsOnTheTable · 01/11/2026 06:43

Why are you wasting you time tying yourself in knots to figure out what his message means?
He physically hurt you, in what sounds like quite a calculated way. Where are his hands the next time, round your throat?

Get the fuck away from this man as soon as you possibly can and take your child, 19 is still your child, with you.
He's not misunderstood, he's evil.
Please get away.

Lillers · 01/11/2026 06:43

No, this is not a genuine apology: it’s an attempt to get his version in writing in case the law becomes involved. He’s probably hoping you’ll respond with something forgiving or equally minimising so that if this ever were to go to court (either for abuse allegations or divorce proceedings), he could say that you accepted his version of events. Do not put anything in writing that suggests you agree in any way (so nothing like “that’s ok, we’ll talk later” or anything like that). Get your injuries medically documented at the very least - even if it’s just getting your version in writing at the GP.