How many infidelities would you forgive?

[Gingerteabaghag]

For me it would be none, if dh had an affair it would be the end of our 36 years relationship forever, I am an overthinker and could never come back from the deception, the lack of trust would eat me away.

DH’s cousin died suddenly a few months ago, he was only in his late 50’s, so too is his wife. They have been together since they were 18 and have 5 dc.

The wife always comes across as a strong, independent and capable person, not the sort you’d want to mess around with yet she told us yesterday he cheated on her at least four times during their marriage (one with her friend of 15 years), she’s via friends there may have been other infidelity’s too and yet she has taken him back each time, she says she did that because she adored him and felt she could never have loved anyone else.

I appreciate we are all different and I know some do forgive, forget and move on but four times??

And I just can’t stop thinking that her best friend shagged her husband behind her back, what sort of people do that?

@OfcourseitsaNC I never would and I can say that categorically. I meant every one of my marriage vows, and I am confident my husband did too. I would never willingly destroy my family's lives.

Tbh, I think you might be projecting your own doubt about your ability to remain faithful on us.

It's actually reasonable to have that doubt and to acknowledge it btw, that will protect you from "falling into" temptation.

But there literally ARE people who would never cheat, and I'm one of them.

It’s not really.

i wouldn’t accept any amount of cheating, my dh would be out the door quicker than he walked in it. For me cheating is NOT forgivable. I’m sure my marriage vows said “forsaking all others” we both said it.

Depends on the man

Someone wealthy, hot, great in the sack. How I imagine Rio Ferdinand to be

I'd be going nowhere xx

Terry who works for the council and is balding and stingy - he'd be divorced immediately.

Sounds superficial but I bet this woman's husband is hot, op

@hotmumshit You'd put "hot looks" and wealth above your self-respect?

Self respect is overrated tbh

I've been single for so long, respecting myself

It's getting tiresome

If I were in such a situation, with the I guy I imagine the one in the op is - I reckon I'd stay 🤷‍♀️

Nope, I know myself well and the morals that I hold dear, I am very much against infidelity, always have been.

I will never cheat, if I met someone who I felt could genuinely offer more to my life than my dh (which I very much doubt it as most men are knobheads) then I would rather end the marriage first before entering into another relationship but in all honesty, at my age, I would much prefer to be alone.

That is so very sad. I hope my dd18 doesn't have that mentality (although I know she doesn't because I have raised her to have a high level of self respect).

You do know there is more to life than materialism and great sex?

You really wouldn't want a life like hers, believe me. Keep your self-respect, it's a great thing to possess when you have dc.

Eh

I say live your life tbh

I dont personally think a woman who chooses such a man lacks self respect though. And I dont think your friend does.

I think they're just realists

You choose your poison in life - is a cheater who can care for you in every other way really worse than a faithful man who can't? Dunno

Is being single and away from all the drama but tired ans stressed really worth it - some days, like today, I don't know 🤷‍♀️😵

I'm speaking purely as a woman - as mother's we all tell our children to expect the best

none

None - I'm nobody's fool.

As for poster saying people won't know until they are in that position, I think that's nonsense, there are a hell of a lot of people who know exactly what they won't tolerate.

So you think living in a gilded cage wouldn't be any less stressful or miserable?

Some people (many, actually) choose it over the alternative so for them, I guess not.

None.

I know that because I kicked him out immediately upon discovery.

And, yes we had a house and children etc.

I have always said this is one of my hard red lines so I would like to think zero. I guess nobody can really know how they will react until in that situation but in similar situations when good friends have stabbed me in the back I have a light switch moment and that's me done so I imagine I would react similarly.

I don't claim it would be great, like I said, pick your poison

But sometimes, the lack of money and support I have now, I can imagine making a different choice and don't think it means someone lacks self respect 🤷‍♀️

Having no money or security is phenomenally shit, especially if you have kids.

We have threads on here every day by women in relationships that may not involve cheating but are really, really shit in other ways (often worse ways, in my opinion), but they clearly aren't going to leave because they'd be financially ruined... and they're more likely to be in a suburban townhouse or semi detached than anything gilded. I see your point; living with a cheat might be shit but living in penury with children would be shit too. I can see why people might choose either option and I think you could arguably make a case about self respect for both of them.

Completely agree

I've done the right thing for me and dd but I'm alone on a Saturday night. I've got a neighbour issue with a man who can target me because I'm a single mum - no man with good social standing to put him in his place

Would I swap with this woman - I can't hand on heart say no X

@ThatCyanCat
I left my first husband knowing financially it would destroy me (accountants know how to hide money).
A decade on and I'm still in privately rented whilst his home is worth around a million conplete with swimming pool and hot-tub.
I also "lost" my children half of the time.
So what do I have now?
Much, much more. More than he ever could have given me.
A husband who loves me, respect, a happy home and my freedom.

Everyone deserves a second chance...but not a third

I have never understood the reason women stay with a man who cheats for financial reasons tbh - you can always earn your own?!!
As someone said yes, you may have to adjust to a less wealthy lifestyle but ultimately, isn't your self-respect of far more value?
And there is something so bloody liberating about being financially self-sufficient!

None. My bf has forgiven one successfully. My exH was not worth of forgiveness and roll on 20 years and I've never been so happy living alone with my dogs. Utter bliss.