Boyfriend can’t accept my past

[2026dreams]

My partner wants to know about my sexual past and everyone I have slept with, is this normal ? He wants to know details of people I slept with 27 years ago

Its such a trap. Do not JADE, so you should not Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain your personal choices, boundaries, or decisions to people who are manipulative, controlling, or unreasonable. Such as Sir Arselot, your partner.

Grim.

Will you dump him? Hes not a nice man.

I just can’t understand why he cares so much about something that happened 25 years ago

Leave him OP. I had a partner like this and it ended up with physical abuse and me having to be rescued by a friend and leaving with my stuff in bin bags. Leave him now, please.

He's going to continue to mess with your head. He's not a good person.

Please dump him. You owe no one a detailed history of your past and anyone asking for that is likely to be a dangerous abuser.

Probably because you’re not doing anything now that he can use as material to emotionally abuse and shame you with. Possibly even coerce you into doing something that you did with someone in the past to prove how much you love him. There’s all sorts he can do with this material that makes him feel superior to you. I’m sorry I know that sounds horrible, but this man does not have good intentions.

He's already crushing your spirit. Take the time while he's away to really ponder the fact that he's an arsehole who will bring nothing but misery to your life.

Definitely don't attempt to argue or justify. Get angry at the names he's calling you.

No it’s not normal. He either stops or the relationship ends. It’s also know as retroactive jealousy. It will only cause you pain and no answer will ever be enough for him

I ve never heard this expression, it’s very useful

Absolutely this. I ignored this red flag and ended up with all sorts of other coercive control and abuse too before I finally left the arsehole. I didn’t really understand what a flag it was and ignored it, distracted by the love bombing. Be smarter than me!

He's probably projecting in some way.
Your 'promiscuity' is him deflecting about something.

I'm in my fifties and have dated a fair bit. It's come up in conversation but it's never been a big deal.
He sounds like a dick who is getting too heavy about something that happened long before you knew him. I would tell him you're clearly not a good match as you can't meet his stupid standards and bin him off. Bad luck.

Maybe it is because I live a quiet life now he has to reflect on other things because there has to be something to control, I genuinely thought it was because I had a few boyfriends when I was younger but maybe that is what he has found to fixate on

Every partner I've had has, at one point or another, asked about my sexual past. I've just told them, I don't really see any reason not to.

Same with infidelities, drug use, etc etc.

Realistically, if there's something there that doesn't work for them I'd rather know sooner than later.

He either has very low self esteem or is trying to get you on the back foot , so you’re always a bit apologetic , like he’s done you a favour by lowering himself to have a relationship with a filthy trollop. How very kind of him. The absolute worse thing you can do is to try and ‘understand’ him and his motives . Haven’t you got any other strife in your life you can concentrate on ? Honestly my love, find another one, men are not in short supply, especially the shit ones.

I have I just haven’t told him the specific details
I must admit none of my other partners have asked me

Don't let him move in with you, ever.

I did date a guy before who was like this but we broke up and this man asked me today if it was because he found out things that he didn’t like about my past

Whatever it is he is fixating on, and whatever excuse he gives, leave him, no explanation is necessary for why it isn't working out. This is really not normal. Also if he has a key, change your locks, and once you have dumped him, block him. I imagine this will be hard to do, and you may find reasons to stay, but don't. Please don't give him even a chink of a chance to come back into your life. It really isn't normal.

He is definitely looking for a problem. It’s so sad when you get together with somebody thinking that you’re gonna enjoy each other’s company, lift each other up and weather life‘s hard times together. And then instead that they look for stupid dramas and try to torture you psychologically. There are better men out there honestly. If he sees that this gets to you, then he’s gonna have years of leverage. Protect yourself and walk away.

Just weird
ditch
move on

I've had people ask for details, too. I might be a bit weird, but I've always thought that kind of thing was fairly healthy, tbh. I've always felt knowing each other sexually is a good thing. Every truly great sex life I've had has been built on complete transparency and open communication.

But, with that said, it is a bit of a minefield if there's insecurity involved. I'd probably be a lot more careful about it in a relationship where the sex was already not very good, or there was already insecurity around it.

I'm getting the sense that there's maybe something like that going on?

I think you are lucky you have never had to deal with an insecure partner, or someone who is irrationally jealous.
it’s completely unhealthy. Nothing like you describe tbh

Oh I have. Massively irrationally jealous, incredibly insecure about almost everything, and ultimately very abusive. Sexually, they fixated on my past, and they couldn't communicate their own past or desires, and we broke up.

Like I say, insecurity is a minefield.

None of my other partners were like that though, maybe I just got lucky.