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Original poster

Boyfriend can’t accept my past

137 replies

2026dreams · Yesterday 21:05

My partner wants to know about my sexual past and everyone I have slept with, is this normal ? He wants to know details of people I slept with 27 years ago

OP posts:
apigeongoescamping · Yesterday 23:51

Ponderingwindow · Yesterday 23:00

This feels like a normal conversation to me. The whole, you are sleeping with every person that person has ever slept with thing. So you share lists. It’s a normal part of dating and safer sex, at least it was the last time I was dating.

What planet are you on that’s this man’s behaviour is normal ? Ghastly
you almost seem to be doing a bit of shaming yourself ?are you always so insufferable ? I feel like you have been on other posts with similar concerning views

Original poster
2026dreams · Yesterday 23:53

Ponderingwindow · Yesterday 23:00

This feels like a normal conversation to me. The whole, you are sleeping with every person that person has ever slept with thing. So you share lists. It’s a normal part of dating and safer sex, at least it was the last time I was dating.

I don’t feel like it’s a part of normal dating, his desire to know who I slept with 27 years doesn’t feel comfortable hence why I made a post
as you thinks it’s so normal could you help me understand ?

OP posts:
NoCommentingFromNowOn · Today 00:52

Ponderingwindow · Yesterday 23:00

This feels like a normal conversation to me. The whole, you are sleeping with every person that person has ever slept with thing. So you share lists. It’s a normal part of dating and safer sex, at least it was the last time I was dating.

So if I shared that I had slept with John and Dave and Steve, and the man I was dating shared that he slept with Sophie and Lisa and Julie, is that ‘swapping lists’? How is that ‘safer sex’? What is safe about listing some names? How do you know if John had gonorrhoea and Dave had syphilis and Steve was HIV positive? A list gives you nothing.

‘Safer sex’ when dating means both (or all of you) having whatever STI testing you are able to access, and to share the results with each other, and to not have any sexual contact with anyone else without telling the other tested person/people.

OtterlyAstounding · Today 01:05

SilenceLaySteadily · Yesterday 22:19

I've had people ask for details, too. I might be a bit weird, but I've always thought that kind of thing was fairly healthy, tbh. I've always felt knowing each other sexually is a good thing. Every truly great sex life I've had has been built on complete transparency and open communication.

But, with that said, it is a bit of a minefield if there's insecurity involved. I'd probably be a lot more careful about it in a relationship where the sex was already not very good, or there was already insecurity around it.

I'm getting the sense that there's maybe something like that going on?

Edited
Show quote history

Yes, I agree – I don't think curiosity and openness is inherently negative if the person isn't judgemental or demanding. But it is frequently a red flag for a controlling, abusive man, especially if he pushes for details when the woman doesn't want to share.

Also, OP, the term 'body count' is disgusting, and I'd break up with him for that alone. He sounds like an insecure, potentially abusive prick.

EBearhug · Today 01:42

I tell them when I last tested and that it was clear. I also tell them I'm currently on annual recall for smears because a couple if years ago, I was positive for HPV. I also told the last man I slept with that it triggered a bout of thrush, and he's probably fine, but i was letting him know in case he got symptoms. He did not know what thrush is.

That's all they need to know. You only need to have slept with one person to pick up an STI, if that person has it. Numbers are not relevant.

k1233 · Today 02:03

2026dreams · Yesterday 21:13

He wants to know my body count and sexual history

I'd be asking him what is so special about him that warrants an increase to your body count.

Body count is a load of BS. You could have had sex a total of 10 times in your life, with 10 different people. Or you could have had sex 1000 times with one person. Body count is just a control tool employed by insecure men. Don't buy into it and be thankful he's revealed who he truly is.

whatsgoingonhey · Today 02:30

He’s an insecure, controlling old fart. Get rid!

JoyousWriter · Today 02:35

I'd dump him by text while he's away, the strange little man.

(Also, body count is the number of people you've killed, so hopefully zero).

MrDarcyssneer · Today 02:56

2026dreams · Yesterday 23:53

I don’t feel like it’s a part of normal dating, his desire to know who I slept with 27 years doesn’t feel comfortable hence why I made a post
as you thinks it’s so normal could you help me understand ?

Show quote history

It's extremely normal to discuss your dating past, but it's in conversation, over weeks, months or years. It just comes up. It's not normal to be grilled on it, no.

I'd actually be hard put to remember a lot about sex I had 27 years ago. I've just had a think and my body count wasn't even in double digits and yet I still don't remember the surname of two of them anymore 😅 Clearly, they made an impact.

I was married a long time after that and then single and had no interest in dating for a couple of years. When I met my second husband we chatted, over weeks, months, whatever and got an idea of one another's sexual past. It was out of interest more than anything else, just conversations like everything else about us.

I wouldn't be happy to have a spotlight turned on me and it's weird he was fixated on it, yes.

He's not going to mature out of it, so it's fair if you throw this one back.

CrazyMidget · Today 02:59

Total red flag. Tell him you were a courtesan in Paris for fifteen years and your number is in the thousands. Then dump him.

CrazyMidget · Today 03:01

EBearhug · Today 01:42

I tell them when I last tested and that it was clear. I also tell them I'm currently on annual recall for smears because a couple if years ago, I was positive for HPV. I also told the last man I slept with that it triggered a bout of thrush, and he's probably fine, but i was letting him know in case he got symptoms. He did not know what thrush is.

That's all they need to know. You only need to have slept with one person to pick up an STI, if that person has it. Numbers are not relevant.

Edited

God, the sheer privilege of being a man. Imagine not knowing what thrush is.

RelocationsMayVary · Today 03:21

Trust your gut. It’s screaming at you - listen to it. Any unsettling feelings are your personal boundaries - he’s crossing them.

This sad little creep is either getting off on the details or will weaponise and twist anything you share to destabilise and punish you.

Please use your agency to detach safely from this character and dump him.

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