Is a 10-night lads holiday too soon with a 3-month-old?

[Daisysimply]

Hi just looking for peoples opinions on this. Interested in hearing both a female and males opinion as my partner doesn’t seem to think he’s doing anything wrong. We’ve just welcomed our second baby. Our eldest is 3 and youngest is now 3 weeks. My partner has just booked a lads holiday to the Caribbean in December for 10 nights. Baby will have only just turned 3 months old then. I can’t help but think it’s too soon for him to be going for such a length of time but he seems to think it’s fine. Wondering what other people’s opinions are? Am I overreacting?

Wow.
I hope you're booking a 10 night stay away in January with your girl pals, while he holds fort with his 2 kids?

He’s taking the piss.

Did he just book it without discussing it?!

I think it's too long in general if you've got kids, but especially when they are that young. However if you both usually have holidays alone/with friends for that duration then that's not an issue. Personally I think he's taking the piss.

Whether it's too soon or not is down to personal opinion. Some MNetters will say it'd be fine for them and others will say it wouldn't be so it's pretty much irrelivent.

What matters here, is that YOU are not happy and yet he went ahead and booked it anyway.

Has he always been selfish?

TEN nights?

Absolute piss take. Also will be costing a fortune. Can you afford a ten night holiday?? Plus that’ll be loads of annual leave used up.

Is it a milestone birthday they are celebrating? Has it been planned for a long time? Or just a sudden whim? If it’s a whim then he’s awfully good to himself isn’t he? Not saying he shouldn’t be going on holiday but that’s probably quite a lot of money. Does it come at the expense of you and your children?
Aside from all of these questions, YANBU. three months is too soon if it’s a whim holiday. I hope he is supporting you emotionally and physically?

This wouldn't work for me.

No fucking way. My dh would never have even considered it! Ask him when suits him for you to go away for ten nights.

what a selfish arse. This does not bode well.

Ten days on a boys holiday seems pretty extreme anyway without a three month old baby in the mix.

Absolute piss take, 10 nights that’s a family holiday!

My husband has just returned from 3 nights in Portugal with his friend, they went to play golf (yawn)
I didn’t mind because he did discuss it with me first, it was only 3 nights and our son is 12.

My ex went away for a week when we had a 6 week old - I didn’t mind but we didn’t also have a toddler…

I think it depends on what’s normal for you, whether you’ll get a reciprocal break and how confident you are looking after both children for that time/how recovered you are from birth.

There is no such general thing as "too soon" unless baby is in ICU or something. However if you have not got the back-up to have help for at least some of the evenings/weekends/nights then that holiday is not possible at this time.

I agree
been with my partner nearly 20 years he wouldn’t dream of doing this!

Ten nights? He isn’t much of a family man, is he?

Simply selfish.

That's far too long to leave you with two small kids especially over the winter when they're more likely to be unwell with coughs/colds. Unless you have a lovely relative that is happy to move in with you for the duration but I'd also imagine that the 10 days will be more like 12 as he recovers from jet lag/hangover.....

It's such a selfish thing to do when you've got children.

No that’s an absolute piss take. My DH would never even suggest this. Neither would I and I love my girls weekends away and nights out etc. Far too long, too much holiday allowance used and too expensive. That’s a holiday you’d do if you were single with no responsibilities!

You haven't said how you reacted, but probably weren't overreacting.
Since it's 'fine', make sure to get your own ten day jaunt booked for a date that suits you.
On the face of it he doesn't sound like a considerate boyfriend, don't rely on him for anything.

It’s not that it’s a piss take, it’s that it’s sad he’d want to spend that long away from his young family.

10 days! What a selfish man,seems to be a lot of them around nowadays.

Really worried about hime not discussing it first but 10 days is way too long for a lads trip under any circumstances. Most leave should be spent with his family. Long weekend maybe.

Is a 10-night lads holiday too soon with a 3-month-old?
Yes. It would not be right if the DC were teenagers.
He's taking the piss.

What part are you asking if you overreacted about?

I think he’s taking the piss, did he even discuss it first?

And how much is that costing?

Will you be getting an equal amount of money and time whilst he does all childcare?

He has a family now. He's not one of the 'lads' anymore.

Time to grow up. That season of his life is over, unless he is prepared to let you do exactly the same without complaint.

Are all the other 'lads' going fathers? 10 nights in the Caribbean is a holiday we haven't taken as a family, never mind one of us going. If we were going to commit that sort of money to a holiday it would be for the whole family. Is it for a special occasion? I have never heard of any father or mother with children the ages you two have going away for 10 days holiday. Our youngest is 14 and my DH has been away for 5 nights with my blessing, but he isn't convinced about being away too much longer even though I wouldn't mind. Plus neither of us would commit to anything without checking with the other that it fitted around other commitments. Is this what happened?