Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is a 10-night lads holiday too soon with a 3-month-old?

252 replies

Daisysimply · 27/09/2026 15:22

Hi just looking for peoples opinions on this. Interested in hearing both a female and males opinion as my partner doesn’t seem to think he’s doing anything wrong. We’ve just welcomed our second baby. Our eldest is 3 and youngest is now 3 weeks. My partner has just booked a lads holiday to the Caribbean in December for 10 nights. Baby will have only just turned 3 months old then. I can’t help but think it’s too soon for him to be going for such a length of time but he seems to think it’s fine. Wondering what other people’s opinions are? Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
CraftyNeedle · 29/09/2026 21:04

'Lads holiday' says it all 🙄He's a dad now, not a lad.

What a prat thinking he can go away for 10 days leaving you with two children, one a 3 week old baby.

Can see this becoming an annual trip 😠

heedlesschicken · 29/09/2026 21:06

Come on now OP. You know the answer.

thisismeithinkorisit · 29/09/2026 21:09

too soon by a DECADE!

Minasama · 29/09/2026 21:14

I was all for my husband retaining a life after children (as he was for me) but we thought in terms of evenings or weekends away, not 10 nights!

This seems to me entirely unreasonable, I’m afraid. It rings big alarm bells with me that he’d even want to leave such a small baby for such a long time, not to mention leaving you to cope on your own. Is your husband very young (under 25?) That’s the only mitigating factor I could think of.

Notrainingbutpouring · 29/09/2026 21:16

I can’t imagine my husband suggesting ten nights away and our kids are school age - and I don’t know of anyone who would tolerate this level of checking out within a relationship. However, all that matters is what you think of it? It sounds like you’re not married so how vulnerable are you right now? I would think carefully about what you want the future to look like for you and your children and to take steps towards that without relying on someone who doesn’t appear to be invested as a dad or partner.

yourSUGAMAMA · 29/09/2026 21:18

He wants to go on holiday in december?!

As in, Christmas month - that's ultimate family time. Like when you're working in retail, no bloody lads holidays in December

Anyway, also, he is wrong to keep going on these trips now you have kids.

Let us know when you leave him op xx

Livelaughlurgy · 29/09/2026 21:20

I'd tell him the girls are talking about a week in Spain in June and you hadn't been considering but actually you might now since he's doing December. His reaction will tell you everything. By June the baby will be 10 months, on solids. Perfect.

Minasama · 29/09/2026 21:21

Daisysimply · 27/09/2026 15:42

To add some context - he’s going with 2 friends who both have no partners or children, he is still trying to act like one of the lads when he’s not anymore, he has a family to support. Also this holiday has been booked since the birth of our second child (couple weeks ago), not something that has been planned far in advance. He’s asked for my permission before booking - I said I was not happy about it but what can I do. I have learnt with him that even if I was to say I don’t want him to go it would not change his opinion. He’s been away several times before before the birth of our second child, however the trips were a lot shorter (4 days max) and even then I wasn’t impressed. His family however seem to think it’s a great idea! Mine not so much!

Hi OP - you’ll have seen from these posts that MN in general doesn’t agree this is a good idea.
”He has a family to support” - I would highly, highly recommend going back to work after a period of maternity leave because this man is not showing you that he is a family man and you are in a very vulnerable position if you don’t work because you are not married.
If his family think this is such a good idea, will one of them be moving in to offer support while he is away? Having a baby and toddler is very, very hard.

Candidly your boyfriend sounds like a selfish and immature shite to even be considering this. It indicates strongly that the marriage won’t last… but you aren’t married! It isn’t good, OP…I’m really sorry.

ByLilacMember · 29/09/2026 21:32

10 days?!? No way. I physically wouldn't manage especially bedtimes

Laura9899 · 29/09/2026 21:33

No fucking way. Ever. Even when the kids are at school. Ten days?!?

westendgirl1 · 29/09/2026 21:35

Totally taking the piss. 10 nights!!! FFS. Would be bad enough if you had just a baby, but with a 3-year-old too, that’s ridiculous.

Geranium1984 · 29/09/2026 21:36

Wow, I can't imagine my husband going away with mates for that length of time with any age children! Is that most of his annual leave?

Fair enough the odd weekend (ideally after baby is one) , but keep it to 2 nights till the kids are all over 3yo and a bit more manageable.

FruAashild · 29/09/2026 21:37

The only time DH has gone away from me and our kids for that long was when he went to be with his dying mother and our kids were teenagers. In that situation I obviously encouraged him to go.

If he had done that when DC2 was three months old for boys holiday he'd not be coming back. I hope you have family you can go and stay with to get some support and to plan your next steps. If you decide to stay in the marriage at the very least you need to plan a 10 day trip away of your own (leaving the children at home with him obviously).

HollyIvie · 29/09/2026 21:41

Jesus Christ. How selfish. When are you booking your ten day trip and leaving the kids with him?

SnozPoz · 29/09/2026 21:47

That's ten nights I'd be using to pack up and move out. Fuck that. Being left alone to look after a newborn and toddler on your own? He's a knob to even consider it.

MJagain · 29/09/2026 21:51

Purpleturtle45 · 27/09/2026 15:48

Utterly ridiculous to think going away for 10 nights with a baby and a 3 year old is acceptable! Even a weekend would be a push at that stage IMO.

This.

10 nights is a joke. Lads trips of 2-4 nights are ok once or twice a year.

BeeDavis · 29/09/2026 21:54

Why didn’t you tell him that it’s not acceptable to book a 10 day jaunt when he’s got 2 young kids at home?! I’m all for going away with friends (done it myself and have one booked next year for 3 nights) but 10 nights is an absolute fucking piss take. You need to do the bloody same, even if you don’t want to!

TheBayHorse · 29/09/2026 22:01

What an absolute selfish prick. My DH would never do this and our DC are much older than yours. He wouldn't want to use up that much annual leave when he could be spending that time with his family. That's before thinking about the cost. I don't understand why you're with this man.

inerja · 29/09/2026 22:02

what a wanker. No this isn’t ok

AgentPidge · 29/09/2026 22:06

He needs to grow up. So selfish to leave you literally holding the baby (and the older DC). Really unfair on you.

AnonyMumAuDHD · 29/09/2026 23:29

CarryOnRewardless · 27/09/2026 15:29

Absolute piss take, 10 nights that’s a family holiday!

My husband has just returned from 3 nights in Portugal with his friend, they went to play golf (yawn)
I didn’t mind because he did discuss it with me first, it was only 3 nights and our son is 12.

my dh does this too - and it measn only one day of annual leave has been taken.

@Daisysimply so when is your 10 day holiday booked?

Honestly, this would be marriage over for me. He can have the kids 50/50 and realise what it means to be a parent.

ArtforEveryone · 29/09/2026 23:36

I despair. How can any man think this is an acceptable way to behave. Utterly selfish on so many levels. I would go so far as to describe it as cruel. OP, you mention that his family think it’s a great idea - clearly a bunch of useless fools and wasters that you’d be better off not associating with. Unsurprisingly your family are not so keen. I hope they can support you when you decide to leave him.

Minasama · 30/09/2026 03:54

Daisysimply · 27/09/2026 15:58

He does go out a lot during the week, isn’t one for going out drinking etc but he’s meeting with this one friend from work several times a week. They are into buying and selling cars from Facebook so that keeps him busy a lot of his time out of work

Wow. For context OP - my husband made it home from work by 5.45 every night during those first few months after our second that were so hard managing baby and toddler.
Your boyfriend has a great deal of growing up to do, the fact that his family think the Caribbean idea is a good one is quite frankly astounding. I find myself wondering what sort of people they can be, quite ignorant I’m imagining.,

I do think socking one to him in the form of 10 days away for you while he manages both kids might teach him. You absolutely cannot be financially dependent on this man, you cannot rely on him. As his partner and not married you’re unfortunately vulnerable.

MadellineBellPictureMeGoneNS · 30/09/2026 04:08

"lads holiday" such a juvenile term
I take it he's not 18 and this little jaunt must be costing a fortune.

fancyfrogs · 30/09/2026 04:09

Not a chance. Couple of days, ok. TEN in the Caribbean, absolutely not. Piss take