Is a 10-night lads holiday too soon with a 3-month-old?

[Daisysimply]

Hi just looking for peoples opinions on this. Interested in hearing both a female and males opinion as my partner doesn’t seem to think he’s doing anything wrong. We’ve just welcomed our second baby. Our eldest is 3 and youngest is now 3 weeks. My partner has just booked a lads holiday to the Caribbean in December for 10 nights. Baby will have only just turned 3 months old then. I can’t help but think it’s too soon for him to be going for such a length of time but he seems to think it’s fine. Wondering what other people’s opinions are? Am I overreacting?

How old are you and your partner OP?

He has a LOT of growing up to do.
@Daisysimply

Really selfish especially to book regardless of what you feel.

My DH wouldn’t even ask. The fourth trimester is real and very difficult, I couldn’t imagine having to deal with a 3 month old and a 3 year old alone whilst my DH was off getting pissed somewhere that’s a nine hour flight away! What a selfish man.

Why are you with him? He doesn’t respect you or care about your well-being. I’m another one who can’t understand why you had a second child with him as there are such huge problems in your relationship.

I wouldn’t have had a problem with DP going away when DS was 3mths old. I’d have a massive problem though with him eating up a chunk of precious annual leave to spend with the lads instead of family. Trips with mates are usually short breaks, why do they need 10 days?

I find it so hard to believe that anyone could think that the bar for being a good dad or partner could be this low!

My ex went to Japan for two weeks and left her 4 month old with the mother in law.

I think it's bonkers but not going to tell her that as it's not my problem.

Who the hell goes on 10 day lads holiday to Caribbean (baby or not)

I'd be furious at him using so much annual leave and spending so much money while leaving you on your own with a small child and a pretty new baby.

He sounds like a shit husband and father.

His family sound like enabling twats. No wonder your parents don't think much of him. If he keeps doing this and leaving you on your own with the two children, you will find that you don't really need him and can manage perfectly well without him.

Yup agreed. An expensive 10 day holiday when you’re stuck with 2 kids = taking the piss. Especially when you feel you can’t say no to him. He is behaving v poorly.

If he was my DS I would be telling him exactly what I thought of him and would be embarrassed that he would even think this was a good idea never mind actually book the damn holiday. I would hope as a parent I would have modelled good parenting behaviour

Christ, I’m no stranger to holidaying with friends, but even I think 10 nights in the Caribbean is taking the piss (even before taking a 3 month old baby in to consideration).

Do you have the funds and annual leave available as a family to do family holidays too? Will he be happy to look after the kids while you also have a 10 night Caribbean break with friends?🙄

He is bang out of line - almost seems like a joke

It’s way too long with young kids anyway never mind a 3 month old. A weekend when you have young kids is fair but not longer. He is a pr**k!!

So how many 10-day girl only holidays have you had since your oldest was born?
I'm betting zero

It is a complete piss take it's right in the middle of the holiday season too

He seems like the type who thinks he's single and does what he wants to do without much thought for you or his kids

I think it’s an incredibly arsehole thing to do. 3 months plus a toddler!

What would he say if you suggested the same for you?

I'm male and I think this is completely out of order. A night out two away is fine, provided you get the same. Longer holidays should only be with you and the children.

Man’s opinion here as requested. I would never do it, I think it is totally out of order. Even if the kids were a few years older, 10 days is still too long to go away for and leave you at home with them. I personally don’t know of any dads who would do it

these things are never in isolation - you can't even begin to contemplate leaving a family with a 3 month old (and a 3 year old) unless you have a fundamental lack of responsibility towards them.

I guarantee that in his mind it is "the wife and the kids" and "him" as two separate groups. And sure he has to pay/help you a bit, but mostly he has to do what is right for him. While you have to do what is right for the kids.

You can accept it, if his other good parts make up for it - and you are happy to take on the vast majority of family life burdens. But if you aren't, enjoy resentment growing and growing because it won't get better as the kids get older..

Please tell me you will be booking yourself a holiday for the same duration in a few months time? Even if it's not a girls holiday, I would go alone and make a point - see how he finds it looking after his children alone and maybe he'll think twice next time. If he's happy to go himself and thinks it's fine then he won't have an issue you going.

It sounds like you spend very little time together. Is that true? I had a friend in a similar situation. It was the sort if thing he would do and he would not be influenced by her opinion.
She was lonely and unsupported and not considered. His way of the high way. She left when her youngest child was 7 and he was a total arsehole during the split. I wish she had been better prepared.

I suggest you listen to some relationship podcasts and The Divorce Podcast by Kate Daly to get an idea of what healthier relationship behaviours and what could be ahead for you end up splitting which I sadly suspect is likely if you are questioning this kind of issue and framing it as you have.

Does he think the kids are your "hobby" by any chance? Whatever the case - he sounds very inconsiderate. Seek outside help

No! Thats way too much.

He is unbelievably selfish & uncaring.
If he goes, tell him not to bother to come back.
Better still move house with no forward addres.

He is completely out of order either the lads or you and the baby. It can only get worse if that is his attitude.