Am I overreacting to my wife chatting with dads and coaches?

[thunderkiss77]

At our son's games and practices, my wife is very chatty with the other dads and coaches and it's starting to get on my nerves but I want to be sure I'm not overreacting or being jealous. She'll walk off from me to go talk to another dad or one of the coaches and I think that's sort of rude. She will occasionally send me to go ask something for her, but a lot of times, its something I don't think is worth asking in the moment and if don't budge, she'll go. Last week she left our spot in the bleachers to go chat with one of the other dads who was spectating by himself (granted we all know each other of course). She was there for about 15 mins until some other parents showed up whom she doesn't care for. I'd understand chatting in passing, but leaving your seat in the middle of the game to go visit? I don't know.

I don't think it's her flirting and she's very social and an involved mom and it's related to our son and the game mostly. I do think the optics are bad, especially while I'm sitting around while she's in the face of some other dad. Last season, she was talking to one of the assistant coaches for 45 mins on the phone (regarding the team- our son was around but not me for most of it) and it was a call I thought was unnecessary and went too long. Now, I do think she has a bit of a liking for this guy. He's married and we saw him with family at a game last week (his kid is on the same team) and she led the charge to go speak to him, and his wife interjected with a big "hi" looking right at my wife, almost as if sending her a message- at least that's what I read into it.

Another season, there was a quiet dad she seemed to happy to talk with (seemingly more than him even) who I never had an exchange with. She may have known his son prior through teaching if I recall. She was always engaging this guy and even once left me in the middle of a game to "get a better spot" but wound up right next to him, grinning and chatting away. I was fuming. He was married but the wife didn't show that often. I actually looked up his phone number in the team directory and checked our call log to make sure I didn't see any calls between the two.

Sorry for being so verbose. Do I need to tell her to chill out or am I just being jealous? If we had a girl in sports and I ran around chatting with all the moms and female coaches with and without her, I'm sure she'd have something to say.
I feel like it's borderline disrespectful and she's doing more than necessary.

You have answered your own question. Yes you’re being jealous and need to chill out.

Why are you so jealous?
Do you talk to the mums?

You sound controlling and paranoid, no wonder she seeks out others to converse with.

You're jealous and possessive. You have a sociable wife that is outgoing and friendly but you don't like that.

I don't think you're being jealous. Like you say if you were zoning in on female coaches or mums it wouldn't look good.
Have you said anything to her?

You are nuts OP

You sound nuts

Haven't you posted about similar situations before !

You need to chill out. She’s having a chat, good social connections can only help pass the time, and possibly help your son.
Why on earth shouldn’t she ask a question?

If DH told me not to talk to men he would be told to fuck off frankly. And yes, he is allowed to talk to women because I’m not a paranoid control freak.

Far from it. I've been very cool about it and careful to make sure I'm not looking at things the wrong way. I'm not going to apologize for having human emotions.

Not yet. I wanted to be sure it wasn't in my head. And mind you, she does have a jealous streak herself that she'll let be known.

She is just talking to people. Why does it matter whether they are male or female. You said yourself there is no flirting. Stop being so controlling.

On another forum, yes. But I put it here because I was hoping for more thoughtful answers on a site that wasnt swarming with teenagers.

Did the teenagers also tell you that you sounded jealous, then?

You probably won't get an unbiased answer on here.
I personally think it sounds like she is being a bit disrespectful.
But it doesn't really matter what anybody else thinks, we're all different and tolerate different behaviors in our partners.
If you are happy with it I think it's reasonable to say something to her and see how she reacts. If she carries on doing something which you don't like then you have to make a decision about what you want to do.

I personally think she sounds like a twat, and annoying. Why can’t she just sit with you watch the game and go home. I feel what you saw with the other wife maybe was a back off warning.

Have you actually said anything to her, like maybe just sit down??

Go and talk to the mums next time, see how she reacts

How is it disrespectful? She's obviously more sociable than you, and is there for your son and for the mingling, not as your appendage. Forget about "the optics", there's more to life and relationships than your ego.

On the face of it, yes, it does sound like you're overreacting. You also sound very jealous and some of your behaviour is way out of line.

Read back your own words. If your wife wants to know information that you don't deem important, you just ignore her request. She therefore goes to find the info out herself. Who cares whether you think information about this sport is important? It's important to your wife; you shouldn't dismiss her queries like that, especially if you are trying to control who she speaks to (not that I am encouraging the latter).

Chatting to other parents at kids' activities is normal. If I saw another parent I was friendly with standing on their own, I would go over and chat to them. If you're feeling left out, go and join the conversation.

You found out an acquaintance's phone number and checked your home call logs to check who your wife was speaking to? How do you not recognise how inappropriate and controlling that is, particularly when you say you don't think she's flirting with other men.

I don't even know where to begin with your remark about 'optics'. Someone comfortable in their own skin and with their relationship would tell anyone who remarked on the 'optics' to mind their own business, as they trusted their partner.

It's clear you don't trust your wife, and think she's cheated/is desperate to cheat on you. Raise it with her or don't but, yes, you are still overreacting and inappropriate.

You are horrifically jealous and you hate your wife talking to anyone it seems. The way you talk about her the further you explain is quite horrible too 'I do think the optics are bad, especially while I'm sitting around while she's in the face of some other dad'.

It sounds like you have massive trust and self-esteem issues. Have you reason to?

I talk to everyone all the time, man woman , child , animal , myself . It doesn't mean anything . Ive been with my partner 30 years , he knows I chat to everyone , I go on trips abroad and by lunchtime I'm chatting to someone. I've just been away for 5 days and got chatting to 3 randoms I chatted to everyday from theron in
Id be fuming if my partner told me to calm it down , rein it in , stop
He wouldnt though as he knows there's nothing untoward its just my nature.

Those aren’t ’human emotions’, they’re possessive patriarchal bullshit you should slap yourself out of.

Exactly. It's your nature and I should imagine your hubby has no issue with trusting you because chatting to people doesn't mean diddly squat.

I'm similar, chat to anyone, esp in my younger days. The only fella I've ever been out with who had an issue of me talking to others or strangers turned out to be abusive. It's a them issue, not a chat issue.

Yikes. I’d go chat to a dad at sports because that’s my son’s friends parent. We all do. You sound pretty controlling to me.

Lets face it, if the sexes were reversed and a married man were behaving like this, the responses here would be very different.