Am I overreacting to my wife chatting with dads and coaches?

[thunderkiss77]

At our son's games and practices, my wife is very chatty with the other dads and coaches and it's starting to get on my nerves but I want to be sure I'm not overreacting or being jealous. She'll walk off from me to go talk to another dad or one of the coaches and I think that's sort of rude. She will occasionally send me to go ask something for her, but a lot of times, its something I don't think is worth asking in the moment and if don't budge, she'll go. Last week she left our spot in the bleachers to go chat with one of the other dads who was spectating by himself (granted we all know each other of course). She was there for about 15 mins until some other parents showed up whom she doesn't care for. I'd understand chatting in passing, but leaving your seat in the middle of the game to go visit? I don't know.

I don't think it's her flirting and she's very social and an involved mom and it's related to our son and the game mostly. I do think the optics are bad, especially while I'm sitting around while she's in the face of some other dad. Last season, she was talking to one of the assistant coaches for 45 mins on the phone (regarding the team- our son was around but not me for most of it) and it was a call I thought was unnecessary and went too long. Now, I do think she has a bit of a liking for this guy. He's married and we saw him with family at a game last week (his kid is on the same team) and she led the charge to go speak to him, and his wife interjected with a big "hi" looking right at my wife, almost as if sending her a message- at least that's what I read into it.

Another season, there was a quiet dad she seemed to happy to talk with (seemingly more than him even) who I never had an exchange with. She may have known his son prior through teaching if I recall. She was always engaging this guy and even once left me in the middle of a game to "get a better spot" but wound up right next to him, grinning and chatting away. I was fuming. He was married but the wife didn't show that often. I actually looked up his phone number in the team directory and checked our call log to make sure I didn't see any calls between the two.

Sorry for being so verbose. Do I need to tell her to chill out or am I just being jealous? If we had a girl in sports and I ran around chatting with all the moms and female coaches with and without her, I'm sure she'd have something to say.
I feel like it's borderline disrespectful and she's doing more than necessary.

How many men exactly do you think your wife may be angling to cheat on you with? There are three in your first post alone but I assume she doesn’t limit her conversations with men to the soccer field.

Depends whether it is a fact and you know it as fact. My husband knows that because of my OCD that I have a hard time not giving a perfectly true answer and that I’ll research to the nth degree to make sure it is correct if I’m committing to it, so he likely wouldn’t consult someone else…are you ALWAYS right? Are you coming from a place of FACT or OPINION?

If you feel undermined that’s one thing, then talk to her about it. If it is justified then she will adjust her behavior so as not to upset you, but I suspect it isn’t justified and so she shouldn’t change her behaviour and won’t.

You need a counsellor, and you’re giving narcissistic vibes too, ask them about that.

How to say you're American, without saying you're American

I'd like to but I work a ton of hours and have a lot of other things on my plate like studying to change professions.

Guilty as charged 😅

It is thoughtless if her-I agree as in if the sexes were reversed,you’d get different answers.
Maybe you need to have a calm
discussion about how you feel.It could just be she is much more of a social butterfly than yourself,in which case either you join in the conversation or get over it
She might have no clue how you feel! I would certainly be upset if my husband did this

You're giving condescending vibes. I've kept things to myself with her, and the things I just said to you are things I get nailed for when the roles are reversed. When you research things and come back to your husband, do you give him a "hey baby, I checked it out and thats correct" or do you pass it off as an idea that you came up with?

You sound grossly controlling. Leave her alone with the autonomy to talk to who she wants. If you were secure this wouldn't bother you.

It's good that you are questioning this but yes, you do sound jealous.

You are sitting around watching your wife's every move. She is socialising and speaking to the parents of her DC's friends. That is completely normal. It also sets a good example for your DC.

you are even jealous of her talking to a relatively silent shy looking person, but didn't consider that she might just be being kind and inclusive.

Maybe you should try talking to people and socialising yourself. It would take your mind off being jealous and you might enjoy your time there more.

So you are both as bad as each other? Co-dependency 101.

“Hey baby”?!

Anybody calling their spouse “baby” should be divorced immediately. Nausea inducing.

Your posts are insufferable, egotistical, narcissistic and controlling. You seem to think her main priority should be to stroke your fragile ego and prevent your thin skin from rupturing. You’re actually annoyed that you suggest something then she thinks about it, asks others for their opinions, weighs it up and then agrees with your idea just because she doesn’t fawn over you making a fuss that you are an absolute genius and explicitly emphasising that it was your idea.

I am not at all surprised that she finds conversations with other people more enjoyable.

Get yourself some counselling.

Maybe there's some kind of cultural difference as I am an American, but for most wives here, if their husbands said they were moving, by themselves and withour invitarion, to get a better seat and found the seat next to the mom by herself, whom his wife doesn't know outside of their kids being on a team together, she would take issue on some level. It's the same principle.

And again, I'm fine with her being a social butterfly. We've been together for a decade, I know she is and it's fine. Im just wondering if she's pushing the lines of being considerate.

I can see this unfolding in 2 different ways:

1. OP’s wife is a bit hyperactive - possibly over-involved in the kids’ sports? Or just someone who talks a lot and doesn’t know how to rein it in? Or is so bored by the endless sports spectatorship that she’s desperate to break up the tedium with a bit of chat? So she can’t stop wandering around and finding people to talk to. I can see how this might be irritating or embarrassing, but not disrespectful of OP specifically.
2. OP unilaterally decides none of the things his wife respectfully asks him to address on behalf of their child are important enough to bother with, so she takes matters into her own hands, and chats happily to people she knows and likes along the way, getting a bit of much needed social interaction with people who aren’t obstructive and sulky - while OP sits there on his own with a face like a slapped arse.

Either of these scenarios resonate?

Stick to the important parts and swap out rhe pet name with whatever you wish, if that makes you sleep better at night.

I might be coming here for advice, but I wasnt born yesterday. Any relationship book will tell you that giving occasional validation to your partner is healthy in a relationship. I don't demand it or even expect it all the time, but "yeah lets go with that" or "hey, you were right" can go a long ways if you're not used to getting it, and it goes for both men and women.

My wife would call me a lot of things but definitely not controlling. I actually fall on my sword more than anything to keep the peace in the house. I can agree with her 9 times but disagree on the 10th and it's a problem, or if I come around to agreeing with her, then I will definitely hear about it.

But whatever, your posts read like your looking to be argumentative and pompous and this rely was probably a waste of time for me.

I think you hit it with the first one. I think she's overinvoled somewhat. She's the lone parent that will go talk to our son on the sidelines in the middle of a game about a play or if she feels like he needs motivation. I say let him sort things out with himself, his mates and the coaches and we can debrief and advise him afterwards. If she has a question or complaint, it has to be asked right then. Last week she wanted me to shout across the bleachers to one of the dad's to come to where we were. He looked perfectly at peace spectating where he was and I said let him be, so she went across the bleachers to talk to him. I was sort of annoyed, yes.

Honestly, the "jealousy" angle isn't so much along the lines of me thinking shes going after these men (the phone call and the dad I didnt know aside), and I think you're getting close to my actual complaint. Maybe it is my ego, considering we all chit chat but the wives are usually hanging out with their husbands, and she has a husband there but consulting with everyone else's husband.

The thing that makes me think that this is a “you” problem is that you have an issue with her talking with a range of men.

If it were just one man that she kept cosying up to, then this might be cause for concern.

But you seem to take issue with just about every man she has more than a passing exchange of hellos with.

What is your actual concern? Like, the potential outcome that you are worried about? Or is it not so much an outcome, but you feel it is somehow disrespectful to you if your wife isn’t making you her focus of attention?

Does she rush over to chat with the women too or is it exclusively the men?

You said your wife is a teacher? If that's the case one of the things you might not realise is that when she is at an event with kids present, she is always "on". People expect her to be the chatty, friendly teacher that their kid liked in grade 7. If she isn't, that can affect HER job.

It's not the range of men. I think my last comment touched on the bigger issue. In the case of the lone dad, yeah, there were several times where she would seek him out to chat with. I noticed it in practices but we're all sitting in the same area so I wasn't up in arms. That led me to my wtf moment when she left and sat next to him during a game. This was also the rare instance when it was a dad I hadn't met or chatted with or even been introduced to. If I were a casual observer, I might think that woman likes that guy. And he came off like a man of few words so it was always seemingly mostly her talking.

The coach on the phone situation even seemed to draw a a subtle action from his wife, so maybe me and his wife got issues lol. Both men are good looking guys, btw, if I can say so as a guy.

Everything else, like the previous person said, is just more her being a little hyperactive, overinvoled and taking other guy's opinions over mine.

Your wife sounds like one of those annoying as fuck tiger mothers who I avoided like the plague at my kids sports. I’d be quite embarrassed by her, if I was you. Poor bastard dads on their own just want to watch their kid play and she comes along and chews their ear off. Urggh. The other parents probably feel sorry for you having to live with someone so overbearing. I know I would.

She is a teacher and that's worth considering, though she teaches a different group of kids from another district.

She talks to the moms as well but this is American football and she deems the dads to be more knowledgeable so she always seems happier to talk to them about what the coaches are doing or not doing or our son's performance. The conversation will largely center around our son.

Just earlier tonight at practice, she virtually took over the conversation i was having with a dad I had just met and had been talking to prior to her arriving, A bunch of "our son" statements and what '^her" plans are with him. But that's getting to another issue...

You lost me at ‘the optics are bad’. She’s a parent talking to other parents at a game. Shes naturally social. All of the conversations are surrounding your son and the games. It sounds like she often tries to talk to people on their own to bring them into the camaraderie.

You sound jealous and like you want your wife to sit silently next to you rather than being interested in her child’s performance. It’s not disrespectful for her to speak to men about a relevant topic, without any secrecy, in plain sight.

Well, frankly, it is a bit different because the sexes are not the same historically or socially. Men rarely seek out the opinions of women in sport, often deeming them irrelevant or unimportant whereas the opposite of true for women seeking the opinion of men especially on a men’s sport that she will not have played herself. A man in that scenario is using it as an excuse to get close to women (and men are far more likely to be leering sex pests imo). Whereas a woman can be consulting the opinions of people she naturally believes are interested in, informed on and experienced in the sport at hand.