Am I overreacting to my wife chatting with dads and coaches?

[thunderkiss77]

At our son's games and practices, my wife is very chatty with the other dads and coaches and it's starting to get on my nerves but I want to be sure I'm not overreacting or being jealous. She'll walk off from me to go talk to another dad or one of the coaches and I think that's sort of rude. She will occasionally send me to go ask something for her, but a lot of times, its something I don't think is worth asking in the moment and if don't budge, she'll go. Last week she left our spot in the bleachers to go chat with one of the other dads who was spectating by himself (granted we all know each other of course). She was there for about 15 mins until some other parents showed up whom she doesn't care for. I'd understand chatting in passing, but leaving your seat in the middle of the game to go visit? I don't know.

I don't think it's her flirting and she's very social and an involved mom and it's related to our son and the game mostly. I do think the optics are bad, especially while I'm sitting around while she's in the face of some other dad. Last season, she was talking to one of the assistant coaches for 45 mins on the phone (regarding the team- our son was around but not me for most of it) and it was a call I thought was unnecessary and went too long. Now, I do think she has a bit of a liking for this guy. He's married and we saw him with family at a game last week (his kid is on the same team) and she led the charge to go speak to him, and his wife interjected with a big "hi" looking right at my wife, almost as if sending her a message- at least that's what I read into it.

Another season, there was a quiet dad she seemed to happy to talk with (seemingly more than him even) who I never had an exchange with. She may have known his son prior through teaching if I recall. She was always engaging this guy and even once left me in the middle of a game to "get a better spot" but wound up right next to him, grinning and chatting away. I was fuming. He was married but the wife didn't show that often. I actually looked up his phone number in the team directory and checked our call log to make sure I didn't see any calls between the two.

Sorry for being so verbose. Do I need to tell her to chill out or am I just being jealous? If we had a girl in sports and I ran around chatting with all the moms and female coaches with and without her, I'm sure she'd have something to say.
I feel like it's borderline disrespectful and she's doing more than necessary.

I disagree with you. It's one thing being chatty to those in your immediate vicinity, but to leave your partner sitting alone whilst you go talk to anotheram for 15+ minutes at a time (and going to sit with another man for a while match) is rude and disrespectful

She is just chatting. It isn't a crime.

Quite honestly, OP, I would be reconsidering my relationship if my DH started trying to dictate who I could and couldn't talk to. And if my daughter was in relationship with someone like this, I would encourage her to look at it as a massive red flag.

Why do you feel the need to control who your wife speaks to? Don't you trust her?

Not in my book. My partner can chat to whoever he bloody well likes. I trust him, I certainly don't wish to control who he talks to.

I can't believe that all the mums on here would be ok with their male partner leaving them to go and sit with another mum, making a beeline for their DCs female ballet teachers and talking to them on the phone for 45 minutes

Not from me. My DH is very social, and he talks to everyone. I don't feel threatened by him chatting to other women because I trust him... and it's just chatting.

She’s probably just networking to further your kid rather than flirting. A lot of mums get quite pushy over their kids sports.

You’re a grown man, it’s not “rude” for your wife to walk off to talk to other people at an event like this. You can take care of yourself and she doesn’t need to be sitting there babysitting you. Perhaps you should be engaging more with people yourself.

Mine is exactly the same. Honestly, I appreciate it. I takes some of the pressure off me to be making small talk. I’m more introverted and glad to have someone who can be more chatty with neighbours, school mums, etc. so I don’t have to!

You don’t need to ‘tell’ her anything, you are her husband not her keeper.

That being said, if you are concerned about her behaviour, talk to her about it. And if as it appears, you are obsessing over nothing, try speaking to a counsellor too.

If she hasn’t given you a reason not to trust her, and she is being a friendly person with all, then there likely isn’t an issue. All you need to do is talk to her about your concerns and then you can work it out together.

A woman? Talking to men? Outrageous!

JFC

I agree with every word of this.

I suspect this is one of the biblical marriage as a covenant of God situations where OP believes he has ultimate authority over his wife and she is more possession than partner.

you come across as insecure but of course there could be more to it.
you don't sound aware of the networking and politics of team sports either.

The fact that you can't believe something doesn't mean it isn't true.

Some people are naturally jealous and insecure in their relationships, and this can lead to controlling behaviour. That doesn't mean that all relationships are like that.

It's more based on threads I've read on here about similar situations where the genders are reversed.
And of course it's just my opinion, that's why I said "I" can't believe rather than stating that it's not true

Do you converse with any of the other parents or coaches? If not, is it because you choose not to join in?

My children’s sports teams were very sociable. One of the mum’s partner (and child’s father) was very quiet. He used to spectate but was quite happy for his partner to chat to other parents, which sometimes meant she sat with them too. Not an issue for either, she was sociable, he wasn’t.

This is also likely an American though, and kids sport is way more cut throat and I suspect a lot of networking is needed with coaches and families to make sure your kid is in favour

If you have the free time why aren’t you coaching ?

Think you’re getting a very subtle message!

I really don't mind it and she's always been that way, it's just starting to become a little over the top imo, especially when she her own husband there giving her similar insight as the other dads- Oh, and part of my gripe isn't so much her talking to men, but taking their word as fact more so than mine. For added context.

You are making yourself sound worse now. You don’t have the same opinion as all men, or all people, and she doesn’t have to accept your word and speaking to another man means she doesn’t respect you…

You are being controlling. Your wife has the right to speak to whoever she wants, man or woman.

Now all becomes clear...

I'm 100% certain that I could not leave her sitting to get a better seat, wind up sitting next to a solo mom, whom she hasn't even been introduced to, start yapping away and not have some explaining to do. My only crime is thinking this sharing it with online strangers because I haven't said anything to her yet.

Maybe their conversation is better.

I'd bet you wouldnt be too happy if you told your spouse something but they didn't take it as fact until they consulted with other parent. What am I to her if she needs a 2nd opinion on everything I say? She resisted me on moving him to another team until a coach/dad said he was doing the same. Then, she announced it later as if it was her idea all along.

Maybe. But part of is also being considerate of the other parents who are there to support their child and not to talk about what the coaches are doing/not doing with our child because thats where the conversation will go.

Thank you. And yes, I see I've attracted people who are pure in thought and wish to come down on me for not being the same. I try to be tolerant and I've been cool about it but yeah, I'm just wondering if it's breaching a reasonable limit.