Does this email suggest my husband had an affair with our nanny?

[Catloverlady]

A woman who worked for us as a housekeeper / nanny part time, sent me a message on Facebook messenger. I don’t use it often and found it yesterday. It was sent last November.

it says my husband slept with her in our bed.

then I asked my husband and showed him her messages. He said she approached him but he dismissed her. But then had some emails he said she had written.

one reply from him as follows :-

Hi, I only just found this email….as I was not expecting to hear from you again.

I am happy to have a call with you to talk things over as I do not want you feeling used or upset. I would like to be on good terms with you…I don’t want bad feeling.

I think it is unfair to suggest contacting my name you said you would not cause trouble. To contact my name would just cause huge upset for both our partners and families and helps nobody.

We were nice to each other, but things didn’t work out ….we simply couldn’t arrange to meet at any time, so it effectively fell apart.

You might feel rejected or dismissed…but I didn’t reject or dismiss you - it just wasn’t workable. I did respect you, despite what you think.

what do you make of this? Surely it’s an admission ?? He’s denying anything happened.

Seems very damning to me. The question is what are you going to do about the cheating sleaze?

That email sounds very incriminating to me. I don’t understand why he’s shown it to you.

100% sounds like he did.

Sorry OP but yes I think it does.

It doesn’t sound like anything happened, but not because they didn’t want it to.

Sounds like something happened, but then he back tracked pretty quickly…

Something happened. He then dumped her.

I think it’s the line about him not wanting her to feel used which makes it sound like he did something which could be construed as likely to make her feel used. Unless he’s claiming it was to do with making her scrub his dirty socks by hand it sounds to me like something went on.

Yes it heavily suggests that they've had an affair thats now ended and she's threatened to tell you and he's trying to shush her. I'm sorry OP.

I think she started asking for money, he said no and the threat began and so it ended - that’s my theory. He thinks he’s being smart showing me the email but I think it frames him. As another said he says he doesn’t want her to feel used. Why engage with someone who is causing trouble. You’d ignore it surely or show your partner ?

I agree it frames him. His reply doesn't say "I don't and have never wanted to be with you". It says "It didn't work because we could find an opportunity to get together".

I'm so sorry OP.

If nothing else it was an emotional affair. I wonder if she deliberately targeted him to blackmail him, either way he’s a fool and you’ll never trust him again.

Why would she feel used unless he fucked her? I’m sorry OP but I would take that as guilty.

Even if nothing physical DID happen he was 100% willing to cheat with her and that would be what I focus on😬

Sounds like he shagged her and now she’s blackmailing him.

It definite sounds like something happened. The reference to "feeling used". Why would she feel used if nothing had happened?

The comment about contacting you and causing trouble and that it will cause huge upset to both partners and families.

Things not working out because they couldn't meet at any time.

That all smacks as an admission something was going on. Did you get any sense of over familiarity or awkwardness between them when she was working for you OP?

It’s really bizarre that he showed you such an incriminating email, thinking that it would exonerate him.

At the least, he is showing that he wanted something to happen and couldn’t arrange it. The ‘used’ bit suggests that something did happen and he promised it might become something more, but then backtracked.

I agree the subsequent emails about a conversation, the threat to tell you etc does suggest that maybe she was looking for payment to keep quiet. Although, maybe she still wanted something to happen, or some kind of closure.

The only interpretation which seems impossible is that they had a purely professional relationship!

Why does he think this email clears him? I can’t see why he’d think that?

It also “fizzled out” as they couldn’t arrange time together . Of course something happened and they tried to maintain it out of the house hold and couldn’t . So yes I’d believe they slept on your bed .

Yep, he slept with her. It was an ongoing thing, not just the once. But he couldn’t be arsed with the hassle of an affair so he ended it. She was hurt and felt used. I’m so sorry but, it is all there in black and white.

Yes it does, so sorry OP

What does he think this email means? I’m confused why he’d show you it?
if our nanny came onto dh I’d expect him to tell me immediately

How does he explain the bit about not getting to meet and things falling apart?

Something definitely happened between them and she is threatening to tell you about it. It isn't clear whether she was just out for revenge at being rejected afterwards or whether she is trying to blackmail him for monetary gain.

Either way, it's not good. He is a liar and he's been unfaithful with the woman who was paid to look after your children. I couldn't get past that.

“things didn’t work out ….we simply couldn’t arrange to meet at any time, so it effectively fell apart”

What is his explanation for this part? It doesn’t sound like they necessarily slept together, but it sounds like she or both of them definitely wanted more. If he didn’t want more then why was he planning to meet up with her? What “things” didn’t work out and fell apart??