Partners staying over

[StarClouds]

If you have your children full time and started dating again at what point did you feel comfortable having them over when your kids are in bed? Im thinking around 6 months?

I agree! Op just wants to get things moving and seemingly is here for validation of that.

Op, you’re choosing this guy to enter your children’s home, they’re not. There’s absolutely no need to force a stranger on your children after a 6 month relationship. No need to be a nun and I think you know that’s not what people are saying. Date? Absolutely. Staying over at 6 months? Desperate.

This is true.

You cannot put a time limit on these situations.

If it feels right then make an informed decision but be open to the fact the kids may find it difficult. Adjust it accordingly if you need to.

My kids met my partner within 6 months, we are together 6 years and due to be married next month.

But partner is not the right word. The term partner implies that you are sharing your life either each other.

If you are happy to stay single thats your choice but im not asking to speak to you.

Why are you taking things to extremes? No one is saying don’t have a partner so you’re deliberately twisting that.

I’m sure your children would be pleased to know you feel alone and miserable and you’re coming across as putting your own needs above your children’s.

I give up. You’re completely missing the point - whether deliberately or not I can’t tell, but I genuinely don’t know why you posted when clearly all you want is for everyone to say that it’s fine to bring a guy you’ve known for mere months and allow him to sleep overnight in your home while your kids are there, without them knowing.

Anything else means that you’ll be alone forever, apparently. There’s absolutely no point in anyone wasting any further time in trying to convince you otherwise.

It’s just sad to see yet another woman so lacking in self esteem that you think the only way you can be happy is to have a man in your life - even if that means you’ve got to sneak him in and out of your house so that you can “date” him.

Im not asking if you would or wouldnt though thats what you’re missing, im asking people who are in relationships how long did they wait, never isnt relevant ok you wouldn’t good for you.

You posted on a public forum asking for opinions. You can’t dictate who replies or that only people who agree with you are allowed to reply.

I’m single by choice now, but when I was dating and my DD was younger, I still wouldn’t have thought this was the right thing to do.

You honestly need to address why you’re so desperate for a man above all else.

OP - Am I being unreasonable to sneak my boyfriend in to my kids home when they’re asleep?
Everyone: Yes.
OP: No I’m not lol

Not everyone at all, try reading the thread. Just the uptight nuns.

no one is saying no to sex, most saying no to night time meet up's at your home.
figure out daytime or babysitting options.

I find it fascinating how many of you would happily leave your children with a babysitter you don’t know but lecture someone having a partner over after 6 months of dating!

Tbf, your post title does say ‘staying over’

And
leaving before kids wake up

I was a lone parent, broke up with my son’s dad when he was only 2 months old, never heard from him again for 12 yrs.
i didn’t date at all for more than a year, was a bit off the idea of having a man at the time. Casually dated without my son being involved slept over when my child stayed at my parents I night a fortnight or day time dates when my son was at nursery none of them were step dad worthy so no need to ever meet my child. Met my DH when my son was 3 1/2 knew he was a keeper introduced them on little days out to start with after 6 months together, he slept over at about 9 months and he moved in just past the year mark together now 30 + years. So for me the length of time wasn’t the most important factor it was about intention, random boyfriends no need to meet at all, proper partner meets them when it feels right

Lone parent here so def no eow /2nights a week off

I’ve always said 6mths before they meet kids

you want to know it’s going somewhere but not to meet lots of men if met at 2/3mths then break up

at 6mths you hope going so somewhere

I wouldn’t have them stay at 6mths esp with young kids tho. Not sure why as if like /trust them - but you don’t know them really

older kids not so much of an issue

tho they are more aware and Possible could hear you shagging …..

maybe 9/12mths

tho as I’m not dating yet after Divorce I may find 6mths is ok to stay

I'm neither a single or lone parent but several of my family and friends are. I'd say they wait around 6-12 months before the person is openly sleeping over.

I know one person who split with her husband when her daughter was about 4 and she is now 19 and just starting her 2nd year at uni. Her mum never dated the whole time in what was IMO, some sort of martyr complex, but I digress.

Daughter greatly struggles socially and has had massive trouble living with peers and dealing with the fact that people have passionate relationships. She finds the idea that people would have sex in close proximity to her (in their own room in shared accomodation) disgusting or even that someone might snuggle on the communal sofa with a boyfriend.

IMO, this is linked to the fact that she hasn't seen the signficant adults around her in normal, healthy relationships. She could only really remember the end of her parent's marriage, if any of it at all, and her dad doesn't seem to have a partner, either.

Her mum has made one tentative attempt at dating, but as she hasn't mixed with men with the potential of romance for over 20 years, she is quite a bit out of touch.

We have to model healthy relationships to our children and we can only do that by having them.

But if you have someone staying over at let’s say the 9 month mark, and that relationship doesn’t work out, then you meet someone else and they stay over at 6/9 months, then the next year meet someone else and they stay over, within the space of a few years that child has seen a few different men stay over. I don’t think that is modelling healthy relationships at all

Would I be correct in thinking that you and your ex actually only split very recently?

How long have you actually been with this boyfriend @StarClouds ?

You can’t possibly really know someone after a mere 6 months of irregular and infrequent dating @StarClouds . In fact, in many respects a virtual stranger.

So quite simply, f* no at 6 months.

Your 6 months won’t even be a “normal” 6 months as you’ll barely be able to spend any time with him to get to know him anyway.

Actually yes that’s a good point - what will you do to be able to get to know him in the 6 months? You can’t stay at his ever and you can’t date so - all virtual messaging?

Ppl are focusing on the kids knowing, I’d be a bit more worried about how well I know the man and worried about his access to my children at night.

The comparison with say new jobs where probation is 6-9 months yet ppl are letting new partners stay in close proximity to sleeping children?

Having said that - I’m not a single parent and I get it must be very hard and lonely.

A babysitter who’s been DBS checked and is a professional versus a random guy you barely know yourself? God, I know, crazy the lot of us.

You might as well just not send them to school, either. I mean, you don’t know them either do you?

Uptight nuns 😂. Just because we wouldn’t bring random men home while our kids sleep 🤦🏻‍♀️.

You need to make the call based on your situation. What is not good for kids is to be introduced to a string of boyfriends/ girlfriends, but exactly when you make the call that this is more than a casual relationship will vary from person to person. Age of kids matters a lot, older teens get the concept of dating plus you’ll get more opportunities to go out, with younger ones the last thing you want to do is let them start building a relationship with someone and it all falls apart quickly. 6 months isn’t a bad benchmark for many but I do think you know if it’s serious or not quickly, dh reckons he knew he wanted to meet me before we met in person, we just clicked, my dc were over 18 so I didn’t hide my dating from them

Why would you assume that staying over means meeting the kids? Many single parents I know typically have the person leave before the kids wake. Women and men that is. The other person understands that it is too soon to meet the kids so is okay with that for a while at least. They may be in the same position but they want to spend time together so make do.

There is nothing wrong with also modelling to your kids that relationships end, though, either. Most relationships do not get off the ground as you discover incompatibilities in the first few months that werent always apparent in the first few days.

Modelling that you can let that relationship and person go gracefully is also something key for young people to learn. You don't have to freak out, harass, obsess or harm yourself over a relationship that didnt work out. I think that daughter I mentioned earlier will not be able to cope with that type of rejection at all should she ever be able to have normal relationships with her peers.