Partners staying over

[StarClouds]

If you have your children full time and started dating again at what point did you feel comfortable having them over when your kids are in bed? Im thinking around 6 months?

I have been with DP for nearly eight years, not once has he stayed over with my children in the house. I have 10 nights a year they aren’t with me, those nights I stay at his. Otherwise, he leaves by 11pm.

Honestly I understand what you are saying but I know my own kids they don’t wake in the night and certainly wouldn’t just walk into my room, I would stay downstairs with him anyway.

Did you expect your mum to stay alone then?

No

I think a lot of men actually!

That isn’t a good thing.

And it’s not a bad thing either, would be more worrying if they were pushing to meet the kids because they didn’t want to be “kept a secret” a lot of men would understand why you don’t want to introduce them yet.

I expect they hoped their mum would have put her children’s needs first

And why does that mean no partner lol sad you expected your mum to be alone and miserable.

Why must alone = miserable? It's possible to be happy without cock. Pay a babysitter and go out.

You continue to use hyperbole - emotive negativity for ‘maintain a peaceful, happy home where my children feel safe and prioritised.’
look - prioritise shagging some new bloke in your own home if you like. But stop pretending to yourself that there’s something wrong with the parents who either don’t date at all, or do actually date but are able to realise there’s many other options in between ‘living as a nun’ and ‘having new blokes over whilst my children sleep.’
it’s really sad how you don’t seem to think there’s anything other to life than a man.

There’s absolutely nothing at all wrong with that, but just don’t comment on my thread then as im not talking to you lol

From your responses OP you have clearly made up your mind so seems pointless replying, but 6 months is far too soon. Presumably you must have some kind of childcare to have been dating someone so just continue with that.

I wouldn't even call someone a partner after 6 months, that's a boyfriend at best. No I wouldn't be having men in my home while my son was asleep.

I genuinely think for your own sake op, this is the bit that needs addressing ‘your mum to be alone and miserable’. If you are alone and miserable because you don’t have a man in your life (and you must be because you persist on posting as if it’s the worst thing ever), then sort that out! Get hobbies. Get friends. Enjoy your kids. Whatever. Because for your own sake, going in to a new relationship with a mindset of ‘any man is better than being single’ leaves you wide open to attract abusers who are looking for vulnerable/desperate women.

The more you reply I’m honestly starting to think this thread may not be real and is just designed to get a reaction.

If you are genuine, you have very rigid, black and white thinking. Why do you think we are saying you should be a nun, shouldn’t date, or that a PP wanted her mum to be alone forever simply because we’re not in agreement that a new boyfriend of 6 months should spend the night in your house without your children knowing?

There are plenty of ways to date if that’s what you want to do, even as a lone parent. You just have to be a bit more creative and flexible than someone who shares custody with another parent.

Why not spend some time getting to know him properly and then in a year or two, you can introduce him to your kids if it works out, then it should be easier to start introducing the occasional sleepover, or when your kids are old enough to be left for a night or two, go to his place or away for a weekend.

You really need to get out of this mindset of needing to have sleepovers right now and that anything else means you’re going to be alone forever and doomed to a life of celibacy - it’s not one or the other, it’s just that maybe right now isn’t the best time for dating if the only way to do it is to sneak a man you don’t know into your bed at night and creep out in the morning.

Why is it so bad to be single for a few years until your kids are a bit older?

Boyfriend is cringe past a certain age

You dont know how long I’ve been single so best to not assume

💯 this. It’s honestly so frustrating to see these constant threads on here of women so desperate for a relationship above all else. What are we teaching young girls?

There’s no way I would have a guy stay at my house until my DD was well into teens.

Wayyyyy less cringe than calling some bloke you've known 6 months or less a 'partner'

Not as cringe as shagging your boyfriend on the sofa while your kids are asleep and him then sneaking out

I think I would probably do some checks on them before I let them stay over whilst my children were home.

I let my OH (been together 16 years now) stay over when the kids had gone to bed after about 12 months of knowing him and wouldn’t you know it; that would be the day my daughter decided to wake up in the night. Still feel a bit guilty about that.

I’m not assuming anything, but why does it matter how long you’ve been single? You’re acting like being single is this horrible thing - I personally love it and never want a relationship ever again. The idea of sneaking a man in and out of my bed just so I have a date is exhausting.

If you have to go to such measures just to date someone, then I’m saying your current circumstances obviously don’t suit dating, so if you must date, then why not wait until a time when they are? Your kids will grow up and there’s never going to be a shortage of people in the world, so what’s the rush? How long you’ve been single until this point is irrelevant.

And furthermore. The way you’re posting op is almost in desperation for people to say it’s ok. Which makes me wonder if you have a new bloke who is pressuring you for him to stay over. You know it’s wrong, but are frightened to lose him, because you need the validation, so you’ve come on here hoping that people will say it’s ok. If that’s right, and maybe it’s late and I’m tired and projecting a made up scene, but if that’s right, you need to learn to stop needing validation from men. Because it potentially puts your kids in danger. If this guy is a good guy, he will be happy to continue meeting you however you currently have been meeting for the last few months.