Partners staying over

[StarClouds]

If you have your children full time and started dating again at what point did you feel comfortable having them over when your kids are in bed? Im thinking around 6 months?

Yet it's lasted until now so it seems like I wasn't wrong, eh? Again, how long has been.your longest relationship?

Mine found out about him after 4 months.

Met him after 6ish months.

He was then very rarely around them for at least 2 years.

After that he was occasionally (once a week max) around in between them coming home from after school club and would usually leave when I took them up for bed.

After around 4 years, maybe, he started staying once a week on a night they were around.

We still don't live together. It's been over 10 years.

Probably yes. They likely screen anyone who has admitted going to jail.

Listen I get that it makes you really mad that I am in a happy long term marriage despite comceving after 8 weeks, but there isn't anything I can do about it. All I can say is that all that talking we did via letter and phone probably ensured that we were actually compatible.

What is that supposed to mean? Is that some dig because I am a cleaner? Please elaborate

Self employed

Bloody hell just reading your AMA prison thread in full. Backs away slowly

That isn't my "job", my job is as a cleaner. Self employed is my employment status.

🐔

So you're not backing away slowly?

Hands up…. I bet you’re bloody terrifying in RL so yep… I reckon I would be a bit of a 🐔 around you!!

Good point. I will read your other thread. What a life you have led

Ok

Well, to be fair, I am asking you. Did you need a DBS check and how is that possible after being in prison?

Why would you ask in someone else's thread about their new bf and their kids? That's derailing. The question is answered in my AMA, but I will.answer it again, there, if you like

Oh I’m just reading that bit now
in one post the Op says not “really” ever needed

then in the next she says she does but she thought posters were asking whether it was a clean DBS (which clearly no one would think!)

It’s great that your relationship lasted and is a good one. But you need to look at a population level when making decisions that could affect your children. Most relationships of 6 months do not last 20 years. 98% of sexual assault is committed by males. And the most common demographic of that is step-fathers. And aside from the safety, I personally would not be comfortable with one of my children waking up and coming across a man they’ve never met in their house.

1. most relationships don't make it to 6 months. That's ok! Realising that you are incompatible isn't a failure and it isn't bad for kids to understand that relationships don't work out, rejection even happens, but you can deal with it gracefully.

2. your stats on sexual abuse aren't wrong, but they are irrelevant to what the OP has presented. The man isn't about to becomes anyone's stepdad. He isn't even going to meet them.

3. and we have well established that many of our kids do not wake up. I wasnt going to reveal this but someone odd has essentially made me speak about the fact that 2 children in my house have disabilities and yet they reliably sleep all night.

most relationships don't make it to 6 months. That's ok! Realising that you are incompatible isn't a failure and it isn't bad for kids to understand that relationships don't work out, rejection even happens, but you can deal with it gracefull. But what happens if these children have grown fond of this new person (who’s been showing off about how great they are with kids to impress new girlfriend) and then suddenly - “nope, never going to see him or hear from him ever again”

and it happens a few times

I don't think there's necessarily a timeframe, but more to do with how well you know each other and where you think this relationship may be headed.

When my kids were younger I had two relationships where the men came round after my kids were asleep. In once case it happened after about three months and in the other around 5 months. Neither relationship was viewed as turning into something long term so I was happy for them to creep in for sex and out a few hours later. Neither stayed until early morning because we had work. I kept the bedroom door locked and there was no need to wander around my flat as toilet was directly across from my bedroom. Both relationships lasted a few years a piece. We all wanted something relatively casual (one was a single dad too) and it worked for the stages of our lives. When my kids were late teens I started dating with the purpose of a committed relationship and he met my kids around the 10 month mark but didn't stay over for a few more months after that.

It's practically impossible to sneak a man in unknown with teenagers but equally they can also be left for a few hours.

I did meet another guy in my casual relationship days who I wouldn't have sneaked into my home. I ultimately stopped seeing him after a few months because, well, I can't put my finger on it but the more I got to know him through phone calls the less I wanted to.

So you’re asking if it’s ok to have a new boyfriend over for dinner and then leave that evening? And not staying the night.

probably best to have made that clear in the Op @StarClouds

I’ve corrected it many times, you are pretty late to the party 🤷‍♀️

So you wouldn’t have him sleep over?

i guess the question then is - what time do you think is reasonable for sleeping over because it is that question that 99% of posters are answering?

The Op is asking if she can invite a boyfriend of 6 months over for dinner whilst her kids are asleep and then leave….

I have read the entire thread and everyone answers about you having him sleep over and you respond accordingly

He would leave before morning otherwise it would make no sense if he came when they were asleep if he was going to be here in the morning