Partners staying over

[StarClouds]

If you have your children full time and started dating again at what point did you feel comfortable having them over when your kids are in bed? Im thinking around 6 months?

It depends on the child, so thats a big variable.

Our son met my husband just shy of six months as we accidentally bumped into him when we were out and about, I had been aiming for six months. From first meet to staying over was about three months, I had a spare room and he was used to my friends staying, so someone else staying the night wasn’t an odd or new thing for him.

unless you drug them, kids DO wake up.
If you are serious about dating, then at the very least introduce them like a normal human being during the day, even just as a "friend".

Or get a babysitter and see him without bothering the kids.

But looking at your tone on here, you clearly only want people to tell you: whenever you want 😂

Young kids. Older ones not usually.

Thank you for a normal comment.

Where do you get ‘most’ from?

tgis isn’t something I would do. Dd1 just wouldn’t like it. I have dated someone for two years and it was either when the kids weren’t home or at his. I doubt I’ll properly date till they’re at uni.

All the lone parents I know of have new partners, only on mumsnet are you expected to be a nun.

No, people just don't agree with bringing people home around your kids. It's just not necessary and it's entirely selfish.

So how do any single parents ever have other kids or get married again, plenty do, cant do that without ever having someone “home around your kids” 🙄

You can establish a relationship just fine without them being in your child's home at the 6 months mark?!

Whats the rush?!

FFS these replies. OP I was a totally lone parent due to DH death when kids were tiny. Fortunately I ignored the mumsnet cries to embrace being a nun and now DP met my kids after six months. Sleepovers about a month after that. It’s been 6 years of living together as a happy blended family and the girls are very excited to be our bridesmaids next year.

It took a lot of hard work and strong boundaries to get here. And watching him and the kids like an absolute hawk. But it was worth it.

Who has said anything about being expected to be a nun?

I would say one of the wonderful things about mumsnet is that you get opinions from different demographics. No one I know would do this. I get that’s it’s normal in your circle, you’ve said that plenty. If you don’t want opinions of others, don’t ask on a forum which includes all mothers from every demographic.

Thanks, thats so lovely to hear! Yes mumsnet is really and truly out of touch with the real world. Glad to hear you met someone.

Thats why im asking how long other lone parents have waited, if you aren’t in this position why comment with never lol then the thread is not relevant to you is it?

What on earth did you post on a forum for? It’s literally pointless if you’re just going to dismiss any opinion that isn’t an echo chamber.

I met my partners kids at 6 months then did the odd staying over, but they actually asked me to sleep over as we had a lot of fun and they still ask me to sleep over when I visit. I think they like seeing dad happy and I’m not stealing his time as we do things together, but I’m female so it’s different I think? I see myself as a fun aunty. I don’t go over in the week as I let him have time alone with them, I tend to stay weekends

I don't care what other people do.

I didn't have a bf stay over at all with my kids in the home, I dated outside the home. I was sexually assaulted by one of my mom's bfs and even besides that, it's really awkward as a girl or teen running into your mom's bf coming naked out of the bathroom. I wouldn't put my kids in the position I was put in by my mom. And yes, I was the only living parent.

I know that's not what you want to hear, but there it is.

As the stats unfortunately show us, having a stranger who is a female stay over is a world away from having a male you don’t know over.

Yes, my DD is a lone parent the children met the boyfriend on the rare social occasion before the 1 yr mark, zero sleeping over before year 2.

Mumsnet is extremely prissy and judgmental about this. Under the veil of safeguarding concerns. Which are valid concerns in selected cases, but the prissiness and pearl clutching on here is TBH off the scale. So take it with a big pinch of salt OP.
There's also a lot of projection from some people who, for whatever reason have made different choices.
FWIW, my situation was introduced at 6-8 months and slept over for first time at around 9 months. Older kids but still school age.
The OP is allowed to start building a life for herself ready for when her kids are grown up.

Mine moved in after 14 months, no one needed therapy and still together 30 years later

No no, I am the Mum of teenage daughters. Even after 2+ years he has never stayed over when they are here.

I'm with someone new now my youngest is at university. My children have always been my main priority. We're all different, I guess.

I don’t understand your point here. Why is dating only possible if someone stays over? Surely you go elsewhere for a date and then go back to your respective homes?

I think having a new partner of a few months to stay over just so that you can date is crazy and unnecessary.