Partners staying over

[StarClouds]

If you have your children full time and started dating again at what point did you feel comfortable having them over when your kids are in bed? Im thinking around 6 months?

I actually do believe there is a judgement on me “daring” to date again as a single mum. I think that’s where a lot of the comments have come from disguise by “ohhh but what about keeping your children safe” it’s perfectly normal step to eventually invite someone you are dating round to your house in the evening when kids are asleep. All single mums I know have done that at some point.

Except not one single person on this thread has said that. Not one.

you are making it up, as it helps your cause to believe that anyone who wouldn’t invite a man their kids haven’t met over for sex is a nun. Which simply isn’t true.

and yes, I have no doubt whatsoever that all of your friends do this. Birds of a feather and all that.

They just can't stand the thought of a woman being able to raise her kids as a single mother and have some adult companionship that genuinely doesn't get in the way. I mean, if you're too nice and fun to be around their man might want you instead!

@Lexibletheflexible you are coming at this issue from someone who began a relationship with, moved in and fell pregnant with someone all within 8 WEEKS of you being released from a 3 year stint in prison!!….does it not occur to you that most of us have a very very different benchmark for parenting and relationships than you?

Im starting to think there’s some truth to this. Maybe they have a reason for wanting single mums to stay single 😂

That is the reason. Single mums are most likely to be okay with their slightly chubby, middle-aged husband and being a stepmum to their 3 kids.

Op. You have stated that your friends and you wouldn’t babysit for each other and also all of them that are single mums are happy to have their new blokes round for sex before the kids have met.

I can tell you how me and my friends approach this exact same situation of a single mum wanting to date. We help each other out. So that there is simultaneously no risk to our kids, and so that our single mum friend can date.

Are you talking to me who has had 2 serious relationships in my whole life and have all my kids in one long term relationship that I am still in? You talking about the couple who owns a business and private secondary school in inner London?

Maybe prison taught me something about commitment, relationships and people that has widened my perspective and allowed me to enjoy the happy, stable life that I do.

Nice try though. It seems like that sexless misery you live in has made you quite a spiteful person.

Quite aside from the issue itself, this thread has been interesting from another angle.

the side that wouldn’t do this are able to put across their argument without insult, without making stuff up to attempt to smear the other side, (I think I might be right in thinking that the vast majority of the ops and the other ops posts end every time with a paragraph of invented insults), and are able to find practical solutions to keep their children totally safe whilst dating.

and the side that would do this, can’t.

Lies, I’ve been called a shit mother, told I drug my kids, told I shouldn’t have kids, no insults? Lies 😂🤦‍♀️

And that’s good for you but everyone’s situation is different and some people dont want to act as regular child care, they would in an emergency but not as a regular set up which I don’t blame them! 🤣

Are you kidding?

Have you read the thread?

She has been called a bad mum, desperate for a shag and all sorts of other insults on here just because she wants to invite her friend over, who she has been seeing for 6 months, while her kids are asleep in bed.

The insults she has received are awful.

And what you are implying here is that those of you that wouldn't, are better than those of us that would. 🙄

And ive been insulted, too. My history has been dragged up, my (alleged),views on totally unrelated issues (FWR, here's looking at you) and been accused of being a sock of the OP.

More as a general theme, rather than the odd extreme comment. You seem to have a lot of time on your hands given your response rate, so if you take a look back over your own posts (double if you are the other poster too given the exact same style) you will discover that at the end of most of your posts, you add a pointless made up insult to it.

I haven’t RTFT but I have read the OPs (mainly). I don’t think the ages of the kids have been mentioned but how happy I would be to ‘sneak’ someone in for the night would depend a bit on what I thought the consequences would be if for some strange reason the man did get discovered. Do I think it be a bit embarrassing but not the end of the world (ie the kids are teenagers) or do I think my primary school / early teen child would be genuinely very upset? I think I’d probably prefer to wait a bit and introduce them in a day time setting outside the home (coffee / park etc) the. At least if there as some freak emergency and the BF was discovered in my home, it wouldn’t be so shocking for the kids.

I noticed that @Lexibletheflexible. I think the fact they were trying to subtly discredit you by raising your past matches the fact that for them it is a moral crusade of some kind and not really about safety precautions. Sorry that happened. Ditto to the OP ‘I bet all your friends are like that’ etc

What I find most sad is their disbelief in and pessimism for good humans and real connections. The comments about ‘just shagging’ I find especially crude.

Ah I'm used to that kind of thing from women. Learned that many are that way inclined when I was locked up with them. Its the lack of ability to deal with your own poor hand and basic jealousy. Prison helped me understand all women much better.

You own a private secondary school in London 😧

my point is - in 8 weeks you left prison after 3 year stretch, began a relationship, fell pregnant and moved in with a man - so the OP’s question must seem like saying for half a decade in that context!

So absolutely everyone around you in real life thinks this is 100% fine and dandy @StarClouds

and you say you always knew Mumsnet was like “this”

So begs the question - why ask?

So when’s he due around?! This weekend?

Your history dragged up? You literally posted ALL that I have posted on your own thread TODAY entitled AMA I was in prison!!

Because I thought I may get some sensible answers, how wrong could I be. Maybe I should just not date at all.. maybe no single mothers should. I asked what time frame other people do it, not whether I should at all.

The sensible answer being “go for it”?

How have you got together face to face with him in the past if you have absolutely no one to ever watch your children?

School hours

You say you want him over “to get to know him”

can’t you get to know him more during school hours?

however seeing as you have no issue with him coming over whilst your kids are asleep - I guess my question is - have you invited him over yet? You’ve been with him 6 month, yes?