Partners staying over

[StarClouds]

If you have your children full time and started dating again at what point did you feel comfortable having them over when your kids are in bed? Im thinking around 6 months?

THIS

My kids were the same. I could confidently say they would not wonder round in the night. They slept through and never got up to wee, get a drink or come into our room. If they wanted me on the very rare occasion that would happen they would call from their room and I would go to them.

No, all my kids are over 6 (some just) and I can't remember the last time one wandered downstairs. I can just about remember the last time one called us in the nighttime after they've gone to bed. They're asleep!

OP this is why I stopped going on the step parenting board on MN, attitudes to mothers dating to date on MN are wild. Relationships board is apparently just as bad these days.

All the posters suggesting you wait until they’re all grown up to date, or leave it 2 years until he stays over are so fucking deluded. You cannot sustain a meaningful relationship with anyone while keeping them at arms length, and part of forming a solid relationship means getting to know your kids and seeing how they are with him, otherwise how can you know if it’s going to work long term. Can you imagine investing 2 years into a relationship only to find he doesn’t get on with your kids when you finally introduce them?! It’s madness.

Nobody thinks you should have an endless parade of new daddies in the house, but there needs to be a sensible assessment of the situation.

And no, my kids didn’t get up and wander about in the night. They knew they’d get short shrift and sent back to bed asap as I’d earned my alone time after lone parenting all evening!

Nope .
Is it not kind of a no brainer ?
You don’t bring people into your house for casual sex with your kids there aswel ,
I’m not talking about OP , she’s seeing her guy for 6 months,
I’m addressing you now & what you have to say for yourself

Why not? Can you explain why not if you know your kids aren't prone to getting up at night and they won't be meeting nor will they be able to sneak into your kids room? Can you spell out the reason because it just seems like you are saying it is Unchristian or something rather than a real concern for anyone's safety.

I second this request @Lexibletheflexible your AMA I was in prison was the best most interesting on Mumsnet.

If people have more questions, they can ask on the same thread! Or if they want tips on procuring a good customer list 😉

Because why would you ??
I’m not talking bfs here , I’m referring strictly to casual because this is what we’re discussing at the min .
WTF would anyone bring some fucker into their home that they only want for sex , the home they raise their kids in , different thing altogether if single with no kids .

Also the point you make about , “ once the kids don’t wake, & zero chance of guy sneaking into their room “
Do you realise how wrong that sounds ???
That before you would bring someone home , you’d assess the risk in your head of what the likelihood would be of him being able to sneak into kids room !!!

"aren't always". Your reading comprehension not up to much, is it?

Snowflakesmasher , you’re a bit late to the party 😂.
I don’t think OP should wait 2 years before introducing to kids , I just think she should introduce him to her kids before he goes to her home , besides having him around when they’re gone to bed & they’ve never met him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes I can see, it’s been really eye opening how much people hate single mums dating again. 2 years is just wild and doesn’t reflect situation i know irl.

When’s he coming over @StarClouds ?

Did we find out the ages of op kids

I get many kids sleep all night

mini blondes does and has done since 4mths and now heading up to 10

and only wakes if ill. Which again is very rare

I think about the liklihood of anyone present in my home doing something like that. I'm not naive enough to think that nobody I know and like would ever do something like that.

I think the OP has been explicit about the fact that she isn't seeking a casual relationship so this is more like the early days of a serious relationship.

You would because that's where you live and know and that alone makes it a bit safer for you as a woman. It's also more practical if babysitters are hard to come by. You can minimise risk by being selective about who you invite. It doesnt sound like the OP has done this before so it is fairly safe to say she is selective.

Lexi, you & I could go around in circles for the night I’d say 😂.
However we won’t be , I’m sitting down admiring my new Autumn decos I bought today & watching “ Not a stranger on Netflix “ , only half way through First episode incase you’re wondering is it any good 😂 .
I wish OP luck with her new bf .
Goodnight to you & all ☺️

Early days? We'd booked the wedding venue by 6 months. 😂 If OP knows it's serious then it is.

That seems hasty...

When you know, you know.

You can't set timelines on things like getting engaged or married and meeting children, it's different in different relationships and families.

If OP trusts her partner to be in the house with her children (and at no point is she suggesting leaving them unsupervised together or even having them together at all) then my assumption is that she knows him well enough.

I agree mostly. I do think marriage is a bit different from a shag in the house when your kids are asleep and gone by the time the milkman arrives.

I suppose not everyone can afford to stay in hotels though.

Totally agree - I have stayed at other persons or them at mine with kids and all was fine. This is not the 1950s now!

It is down to the individual - if you want to after 2 months, then do it! Just because others dont/wouldnt is irrelevant. Likewise if you want to wait till your kids are 21, fine.

It’s interesting because I’ve literally just been reading a thread where a wife said she’d be upset if her husband met someone new after she died. The comments were full of people saying, “Why would you want him to be alone and miserable?” “Why wouldn’t you want him to find happiness?” “Why would you want him to stop living his life and moving on?”
But suddenly, the attitude seems to completely change when the person is a single mum whose partner left her. Apparently, she should just be alone and miserable for the rest of her life because he chose to leave.
Yes, he didn’t die but what’s the difference when it comes to whether the person left behind is allowed to eventually find love and happiness again?
So because my relationship ended, I’m supposed to live like Queen Victoria for the rest of my life? 😂
And yes, people constantly equate being single with being “alone”, yet when I said I didn’t want to be alone and miserable, I was judged because apparently my children should be “enough”.
So why aren’t the husband’s children enough? Why is he allowed to want companionship, love and happiness again, but a single mum is told she should just “put her kids first” as though wanting a partner somehow means she doesn’t love her children?
Funny how many of the people judging single mums here were probably on that other thread insisting that the widower deserves to find happiness again.
The double standard is wild.

Because seemingly, that woman would have fucked up by dying so her husband deserves another woman.

@StarCloudsare there any words that anyone can use to get you to understand that absolutely no one is saying you can’t have a relationship? Maybe a drawing? I don’t know how much clearer people can be.