Partners staying over

[StarClouds]

If you have your children full time and started dating again at what point did you feel comfortable having them over when your kids are in bed? Im thinking around 6 months?

Wow. To be that sure that multiple older children will NEVEr get out of bed because they have had a bad dream / ill / thirsty / need a wee. Unusual

Does he have kids too?

It’s more normal than older kids getting out of bed wandering or calling mummy because they’ve had a nightmare!

No

Lol.. hardly.. that 'ordeal' was the least of my problems at the time. My comment was in response to the OP who said that her stepdad was super lovely with the implication that stepdads are nice and nothing to be afraid of. I was just pointing out they aren't always. My mum was married to that man over a decade. As far as I know, that was the only indecent behaviour he did so just a moment of opportunity for him as I was there.

So you decided to use your experience to say that they're always awful? Makes sense...

I’m really shocked and depressed by some of the replies on here. I think, from my own posts as a lone parent, that a lot of people really just morally disapprove of being one. I certainly have had no sympathy whatsoever on anything I’ve posted in the past. There’s a level of vitriol that goes far and above considerations over whether OP’s children will be safe. There’s a very cruel attitude dripping from some of these posts.

Very much agree. A lot of these kids sound traumatised or anatomically "different".

You need to say what you regard as “older children” for this to make sense

What do you regard as “older children” @Lexibletheflexible

The statement is meaningless without an idea of what the Op regards as a older child

I'll say any NT kid over the age of about 6 should be reliably sleeping through every night. I say that age because that is the age DLA and PIP start to acknowledge that not sleeping through is abnormal and count towards their assessment.

If your children aren't doing this, you need to think about their mental and physical health.

I think you came to the wrong place.

As you have noticed, Mumsnet has bizarre opinions on Mums dating.

It's entirely normal and appropriate to have your boyfriend visit whilst the kids are in bed. Just make sure he leaves before they get up for breakfast as no kid wants to wake up to a strange man scrambling eggs in the kitchen.

6? 100% concrete certainty that never have a bad dream / need the loo / feel hot or cold / feel ill - right

My own kids were sleeping through reliably every night from the age of about 3. As in I no longer had to wake them to pee either. So I could plan to wrap all their presents all night in the living room for instance and know they wouldnt go in there.

The other thing is they've always been more likely to call out to one of us to come to them than wander out of their room.

No, no reason to think they would in a normally developing child who feels happy and safe at home.

No my children after about 4 would never wander out looking for mummy because they "felt hot", they'd kick their blankets off and/or strip off. They're pretty competent and independent to an age appropriate level.

Never ever felt ill? Never a bad dream?

Maybe they didn’t feel they could 🤷‍♀️

Ps i agree with the above poster by the way - your prison AMA was hands down best on Mumsnet! Pls do a part 2!!

Nothing to do with feeling happy and safe - and puking / needing a wee / or having a bad dream (about Father Christmas forgetting them!)

As i said, they'd call us if they did. They wouldn't just wander out of their rooms.

But no they've never gone to bed perfectly fine and woke up in the night ill. It has been clear by evening they aren't well in which case, any plan can be changed.

It's a good idea to make sure overly anxious children who have trouble sleeping have a professional outlet where they can discuss their personal worries and concerns without judgement.

I used to go into my parents much older than 6 when there was an annoying fly or a spider in my room 😆

At 10 they’d call out if they needed a wee?

No my kids have always been fine with a pee before bed by about 3 and definitely by 6. They werent very "sicky" kids and it would be clear by dinnertime if they were ill. They werent plagued by nightmares that things that should be certainties wouldn't happen, either. They haven't had a life plagued with haunting disappointments, I guess.

Never ever
not once
curious

But as I say @Lexibletheflexible i bow to you on the basis of your AMA so ok… you are totally right!

At 10, they'd not need a wee in the night. Healthy prostrate and/or good potty training, I suppose. But no, 10 year olds in this house don't need to wake to pee. The 40 year old doesn't either, yet