How do I decline meals out with a friend who avoids paying?

[Tigertigers]

A friend wants to eat out and an expensive restaurant with food I don’t like. I don’t want to go as the last few times she has made me pay and not returned the favour.

About a year ago an acquaintance was having the same issue and confided in me. I innocently told him I had the same issue but he went back and blabbed. I no longer speak to him as he was untrustworthy with other confidential issues.

Funnily enough since he told her she bought one takeaway and said it was her turn as he had told her what I had said! I bought the next takeaway a few weeks later. I know I should have told her and not him but she was using me and him for meals because she was pushing her luck.

The food looks disgusting on the menu and I personally don’t want to eat out with her because she likes to ‘take turns’ to pay but she gets out of it and then when you pay for her she leaves half a plate of food. It makes me sick as I am wasting my salary on food to go in the bin. I don’t know why people always want to catch up over expensive meals.

What do I say?

"No, thank you. I'm busy"

Oh no thank you there isn't for me ! I think you need to work on your assertiveness, or you are just going to go through life miserable,

No thank you, I don’t like that food and also you never pay your way and I’m sick of it.

Just be honest with her.

This is a friend? Someone you like and enjoy spending time with?

I would say no thanks, that place doesn't appeal to me, hope you find someone else, or maybe we could try somewhere different.

Or, if she was flexible about things I want to do, I'd go and find "something" I could eat, just because sometimes it's OK for the evening out and the conpany to be more important than the food.

And I'd have a seperate conversation about the paying. Just tell her straight, you don't always take your turn, so let's just pay half each/for what we have.

What's the point of friends you can't have those conversations with?

Going forwards you should also say will we split the bill or will you balance transfer me ?

Just say no!

Well you can just say no, it’s really that simple. You have waffled quite a bit but if you need an actual reason it’s ’the food looks disgusting’ from your post.

Why do.you feel obliged to go somewhere you don't want to go with someone whose behaviour you don't like?
Why dont you tell her the truth that you think.the place is too expensive and the food doesn't appeal to you?
And perhaps start eating out with other people instead of her.

Say yes il come seen as your paying this time. And then next time say no thanks

Why are you friends with this person?

How does she "make you pay"?
Are you unableto say lets just split it ?
Unless she actually does a runner use your words

I’d fucking tell her exactly why, cos she knows full well what she’s doing.
Fool me once - shame on you.
Fool me twice - shame on me.

You say no thanks, don’t fancy the menu.
For future occasions, just be honest. Look friend, I enjoy your company (if this is true) but I don’t enjoy always picking up the bill for your meals. You know that’s not very fair, right? If money is an issue, let’s do something that’s cheaper, or free.

No thanks, doesn’t look like my thing at all.

and when you go somewhere else with her another time (although I’m not sure why you would) you say ‘let’s get out own cheques, much easier than remember who’s turn it is to pay’

No thank you, the food doesn’t appeal to me and going forward im no longer in a position to take it in turns paying for meals. I’m happy to go 50/50 in the future and each pay for our own.

This.

just don't go anywhere with her where you risk being stuck with the bill. if you don't enjoy her company don't meet up.

I don't get it, this isn't hard.

You don't like this restaurant's food, or the prices. So a simple, "Would love to catch up but that restaurant doesn't really appeal and I'm definitely not up for an expensive meal like that. What about that new tapas place that opened in town instead?"

As above, tell her the food at this restaurant doesn't appeal to you. If you agree to another venue then you have to bite the bullet and say upfront that you want to share the bill if you eat out rather than take turns, as it's a better method of keeping things equal for you both. Then, when you go out and the meal finishes, be quick to ask the waiter for separate bills. Or, when the waiter brings the bill, be prompt to tell them "we're splitting this".

How does she make you pay? I’ve never been out for dinner where I was unhappy about the payment divide!

I'm a vegetarian so have had years of declaring that "there's nothing for me to eat here we'll have to go somewhere else." I would have no problem saying "there's nothing I like on the menu here, we'll have to go somewhere else." But if you don't want to go at all just say you can't afford it.

How on esrth can she ‘make’ you psy?

Tell her you there’s nothing you fancy on the menu so she’d best go with someone else.

If you do go out with her again take cash, just enough for your own meal and a tip. Tell her that’s what you’re doing and tell the waiter at the start you’ll be splitting the bill.

What’ do you you get from this ‘friendship’?

Why can’t you just say no? Just say, “I’m not up for it, it’s too expensive and i don’t like the look of the menu. “