How do I decline meals out with a friend who avoids paying?

[Tigertigers]

A friend wants to eat out and an expensive restaurant with food I don’t like. I don’t want to go as the last few times she has made me pay and not returned the favour.

About a year ago an acquaintance was having the same issue and confided in me. I innocently told him I had the same issue but he went back and blabbed. I no longer speak to him as he was untrustworthy with other confidential issues.

Funnily enough since he told her she bought one takeaway and said it was her turn as he had told her what I had said! I bought the next takeaway a few weeks later. I know I should have told her and not him but she was using me and him for meals because she was pushing her luck.

The food looks disgusting on the menu and I personally don’t want to eat out with her because she likes to ‘take turns’ to pay but she gets out of it and then when you pay for her she leaves half a plate of food. It makes me sick as I am wasting my salary on food to go in the bin. I don’t know why people always want to catch up over expensive meals.

What do I say?

I would just tell them exactly this. next time we go out i wont be paying as its your turn.
in relation to where you go, you can chose when itd your turn to pay, where to go.

can you not go halves. Tell them in advance , if we go out tonight i am only paying for my food and drink. Ask the waiter to split the bill

or if its become such a problem , sorry i wont be coming out .

"Frankly, I don't like having to fork out money for both of us, for food I do not even like." Or else, just the simple "No." Your choice.

No, thanks, I don’t want to go there. I had a look at their website and don’t fancy the food at all. Let’s go somewhere else.

Your turn to pick up the tab, by the way. I got the last three.

If you go out with her again tell her it’s separate bills and tell the waiter that when you order

Ditch your so called friend!

Why do you stay friends with the person who doesn’t pay their way, and cut off the friend who had the balls to tell her?!

I know you’re furious with your acquaintance, but they did you a huge favour. Your ‘friend’ is a leech and you didn’t feel assertive enough to tell her. The acquaintance did it for you, now it should be easier for you to say no!

I had a "friend" like this who always wanted to go out to eat and when it came to paying would just sit there like a child and not get money or cards out or respond to how shall we split this bill. She'd just say I dont know.
She isnt my friend any more. She's not poor. We worked in simklar jobs.

Works for all situations like getting robbed and drugs and vehicle accidents. Just say no is helpful ya

What women like the OP don't understand, if they cannot even sort something as ridiculous as this out when being totally used and taken advantage of, they are literally a walking target for an abusive relationship with a bullseye on their forehead.

Abusive men target women with zero boundaries that are easy to take advantage of.

It's an important thing to teach children from an early age, to be assertive about money and never to allow anyone take advantage of them.

Say 'No'. Practice in front of mirror until it's second nature.

Just tell the waiter separate bills at the beginning

If she's a great friend and fantastic company come the conclusion that you will always pay for meals because she's worth it and thats the price you have to pay for her friendship.
If she is none of the above never bother with her again, no awkward chats about paying. The person you dumped did you a favour by confronting her previously and she's still doing it.

Say ‘no thank you, that doesn’t work for me’.
she is not a friend if she makes you pay all the time. I knew someone like this, definitely not a friend and stabbed me in the back in the end.

Yes,but you're paying.

Just say no,you dont like the food offered. Tell her you have no money to eat out for a while but she can come to yours for a meal.

You just say you don't want to eat there as you don't like the food. You don't have to agree to do what friends want. I've just ended a very long friendship because I always got pressured to do things she wanted to do (go to the gym) even though she would never be on time and didn't like me saying I was too tired or ill to go, she would just keep nagging me to go. That is not a good friend.

You need to work on your assertiveness. Just say 'Sorry, I don't like the food on the menu. How about we meet for coffee?' Or else suggest a different place, and when the bill comes, just take out enough cash to pay for your meal. It's not so difficult. Is she even a friend you like spending time with?

If she wants to go out, surely SHE should be doing the catering.....
Still believe honesty (however unwelcome) is the only way to go.

Yes on reflection you are correct! Its not really on that she is putting her friend in that position in the first place.

Say 'will you be paying for your meal? If not then no. And could we go somewhere different, I am not keen on the food there. Look how easy that is.
Alternatively, no is a full sentence.

Go Dutch. Agree at the outset that you'll each pay for your own consumption.

if she’s so shameless then there’s no issue with you saying to her, “ it’s your turn to pay this time , but can we go somewhere else, I don’t fancy anything on the menu “

Just don't go, say I can't afford it, that's dropping a hint too .