A friends husband is calling me

[littlelongstockings]

I am friends with a lady from our children’s school, we have been friends for about 2 years. We meet up once every few months with the children and her husband always comes along too.

A week or so ago her husband private messaged me on Facebook asking how my “solo weekend” was going as he knew I had the weekend to myself and also talking about a famous family member of mine. I didn’t think too much in to it and ended the conversation quite quickly. Thisafternoon he called me on facebook 3 times in a row, I didn’t answer but messaged back asking if all was okay and if he meant to ring me, he said he was just calling for a catch up but he’s busy now and will call again tomorrow to chat.

This is the first time he has spoken to me outside of when we all meet up. Am I right in thinking this is slightly odd? Does he just see me as a friend too? I just don’t think I would ever call my husbands friend 3 times in a row for a catch up.

After his message saying he’ll call you tomorrow for a chat all you needed to do was send back Why??
He’ll either take the hint and not contact you or give you a reason which you can then deal with x

If I was having a catch up lunch/drink with a female friend I wouldnt expect her DH to be tagging along. Nor would I bring my DH along, although he would rather stick pins in his eyes than listen to 2 women chatting away. Its either us and both DHs or just us girls

He’s trying to find out if you’re interested in a one on one meet up, the way he’s doing it is to try and make sure you can’t tell the wife.

Eewww, he wants to get close to you so he can have access to the family member.

I think the family member is a red herring,he's just using that as an excuse to speak the the OP.

Normally, I would definitely think this is a man looking to play away but the details of the fact that he always comes out with you and his focus on your life makes me wonder if he's actually trying to manage his wife's life. Do you know if she has other friends or goes on nights out without him ever? I just can't help being a bit cynical and thinking if you engaged withhim would he then turn it around and tell her that YOU were the problem?

Of course, it could just be he's a total sleeze ball who likes to think of himself as the big man out with m ultiple women and that they're all gagging to hear what he ahs to say, all the time.

Does he know you're autistic?

Is he autistic too?

I would go into this in a different way. I would advise your friend that you would have appreciated being asked before she gave her husband your contact details. This makes it clear that a) you didn’t give it to him and b) you’re not interested. If she didn’t give it to him she will know that he’s been through her phone and if she did give it to him, she will know you have a boundary there when you tell her you’d prefer it if he didn’t ring you. Let her know you are happy to chat with him when socialising as a group, but outside of that, you don’t have space for this kind of communication.

Theres a way of restricting people on facebook. Search it up. Other than that do not answer. This will cause massive problems if his wife/other school mums get wind

Also worth remembering that most people shoot the messenger so if his wife finds out it's very likely she will cut contact with you. Personally I would just completely blank and ignore anything from him,he'll give up hopefully and move on to his next target.

Don't send him any messages or reply to him at all. If his wife ever starts to suspect that he might be a cheat and finds out the two of you have been in contact, he will blame you and tell her that you have been chasing him.

Ignore him completely.

100% contact the wife and ask if everything is ok cos 'John has been trying to call me' on facebook this morning. Let her know he called, let him know you have told her. He has zero reason to be contacting you but if he did then she will also know what it is about. Some men just cannot help themselves fishing for the attention of other women.

Why would he ring ‘for a chat’ when he’s never done this before? Whether it’s innocent ir not, do but respond anymore. If you do, you’ll fuelling the flame, which could be construed that you’re interested (even though you’re not).

Me too

His first name doesn’t begin with an M does it?

Years ago, I had a friends husband message me on FB messenger late one night, like 1am or something. I thought it was probably a mistake (all it said was “hello”) so I ignored it but the next morning I opened it, replied and said sorry I’d only just seen it, was everything ok. He replied apologising saying he didn’t mean to message.

a few weeks later, it happened again. So I did the same again… this time he said he’d seen I was online and just wanted someone to talk to. I apologised for missing the message - definitely naive on my part believing him.

Months went by and he messaged me again. I decided to reply as I was up and awake… and I was curious as to what he was actually wanting. He seemed to just want to chat. So I told myself he was just being friendly.

Sure enough, next time he’d had a few drinks (and his wife had gone to bed) he was messaging telling me he thought I was gorgeous and sending me dick pics. FFS. Then I felt guilty thinking I’d led him on by answering him - but we should be able to talk to someone we know without them thinking we want to jump their bones (I actually knew him before he and his wife got together, but only ever as an acquaintance so not as if I only knew him through his wife - we used to go to the football on the same bus and would chat there, I’d given him a lift home as he lived around the corner from me in the past, things like that).

This man’s intentions are not good. Don’t let him manipulate you and then you feel guilty about anything he sends!

How did you handle that, out of interest?

Maybe “innocently” ask his wife if there is a problem/emergency as her husband seemed to be urgently trying to get hold of you. If it was about the famous family member surely he would’ve brought that up before?

Uhmmm just answer his next call and see what he wants?

Absolutely do NOT do this. Men like this thrive on any attention, you have to completely ignore them as any response even negative is seen as positive as far as they're concerned.

?? It's answering a phone call. She then sees what he wants. If he is a sleazy twat or if he sneakily wants info about her famous relative, gives her bad vibes, she tells him to go away and to never call her again. Then blocks him. An dif friends asks she can say what happened.

It's not hard - she has no evidence yet whatsoever ref what he is calling for. It's very chidish to assume what he is doing without any evidence whatsoever - and sticking head in sand just extends the process.

What he wants is to open lines of communication. Once that's successful things will escalate quickly.

If he is a weirdo she can block him. Then if he goes further (how though) she just gathers the evidence and tells his poor wife. Alternatively it might stop /nip in bud if she answers a call.

Well he has just tried to call me 3 times again at the extract same time as yesterday! Probably when his wife is on the school run again. I think I will send a light hearted message to my friend and ask if all is okay as her DH has been contacting me frequently.

@SmolTinyYes he knows I am Autistic and no I’m pretty sure he isn’t! Well as far as I’m aware he isn’t.

She doesn't need to answer the phone to know he's a sleazy twat. Have YOU ever pestered your friend's husbands like he's doing? I bet you haven't.

ETA it's not childish,it's experience, I'm long in the tooth and have met far too many men like this unfortunately during my considerable years.