A friends husband is calling me

[littlelongstockings]

I am friends with a lady from our children’s school, we have been friends for about 2 years. We meet up once every few months with the children and her husband always comes along too.

A week or so ago her husband private messaged me on Facebook asking how my “solo weekend” was going as he knew I had the weekend to myself and also talking about a famous family member of mine. I didn’t think too much in to it and ended the conversation quite quickly. Thisafternoon he called me on facebook 3 times in a row, I didn’t answer but messaged back asking if all was okay and if he meant to ring me, he said he was just calling for a catch up but he’s busy now and will call again tomorrow to chat.

This is the first time he has spoken to me outside of when we all meet up. Am I right in thinking this is slightly odd? Does he just see me as a friend too? I just don’t think I would ever call my husbands friend 3 times in a row for a catch up.

Absolutely no evidence that it's any kind of 'mental health episode'.

Don't make excuses for a pervy man!

what was the message he responded to?

It's probably more likely that his wife has asked to see all the messages between you two and as he's been scrolling he's accidentally laugh reacted to one of the messages. I've done that before when looking back on old messages with people.

Block him on every platform. He sounds like a freak.

OP told him if he needed to discuss something with her she would be meeting up with his wife soon.
So she’s tried to bat him off by being polite.

He’s being bang out of order now disrespectful to his own wife, OP and OP’s husband.
That laughing emoji is disgusting.
Block him and to be quite frank you need to leave this couple behind.

Depending on the message he's reacted to, I'd imagine she's spoken to him and he's trying to minimise what he's done.

Just ignore him now.

I reckon he's been obsessing with your messages and maybe accidentally reacted, very easily done!

Take a screenshot but don't respond. It's time to block him. It doesn't matter if he accidentally sent a laughing emoji or meant to send it, both are irrelevant. Just block him.

He's still sniffing around.
Just block him.
There is no need to give him any more attention.

He’s trying to prompt you to talk to him again. Definitely time to screenshot and block.

Maybe she’s said nothing to him yet as she wants to watch his behaviour without him knowing. I wouldn’t message her again but you could update her next time you see her if she seems to want to talk about it.

This. He's a creep.

OP, if you didn't want to make things awkward with your friend that you absolutely should not have sent her that message saying her H has called you six times. I have not read the whole thread but if you did that on advice from here it was terrible advice. People on here love a bit of drama and it is not them who have to live with the fallout.

You should have just shut things down with the husband yourself. In fact someone advised on the first page ( the only one I read) that you do that.

You have made things really weird and uncomfortable with your friend now. She will clearly understand that you sent that message because you feel her H is hitting on you.

I'd be surprised if you remain friends after this.

MN is a terrible place to come for advice on situations like this as most people are here for the drama of the narrative. They don't want things speedily concluded in a mature and adult fashion.

I think its your autism that means you don't understand this.

She's unlikely to want to be friends with someone she knows her H is attracted to, and has made a move on.

You are associated in her mind with something painful and humiliating and threatending.

Or she may decide you are a trouble maker. You didn't really think anything might be wrong when you messaged her - you were giving her a message indirectly and that can be framed as being manipulative. Or trying to cause problems in her marriage. If she wants to protect her marriage, this is the easiest psychological route for her to take.

Regardless, a big and bad thing has happened here and you are in the centre of it. So don't be surprised if she decides to avoid you from now on.

Seriously, @OneTimeCode? It's not OPs fault her friend's DH is a slimeball, she hasn't encouraged him, she's sent the evidence to his wife so she also knows what he's up to. Yes the wife might be feeling awkward now but it's not her shame anymore than it's @littlelongstockings fault. All fault and shame lies with the sleazeball husband. It won't be the first or last time he gets overfriendly with his wife's friends, but at least she can make an informed decision over how to handle it now, thanks to OP.

I wonder if he's deleted all messages after that one and laugh-reacted to make it look like that's all he replied with. Bit pointless if you took screenshots.

OP said she wanted to maintain her friendship with the woman. If that is her goal, this was not the way to achieve that. She didn't understand why what she did could negatively effect the friendship, so I explained that.

Its all very well giving advice on what the world should be like and how people should react, but back in the real world people rarely behave like that.

The friend is unlikely to ditch her husband over this. He hasn't actually had an affair or even unambigously come onto OP. There is no smoking gun. She's more likely to ditch OP. And from OP's account, that is not a result she wanted.

Yes, I agree with @Onetimecode . I thihnk I might have been that poster you referred to

It's not necessarily a bad thing that this woman now knows what her husband is like, but I agree, the reality is that it will blow up her friendship. And all the posters telling her to tell the wife were, at best, wanting the wife to know the truth about her husband. But there's a ridiculous amount of drama and a cluelessness about the impact. And frankly, it's not the woman's role to stop her husband from sending inappropriate messages.

You need to block him!!!!

But who can remain friends with someone in the knowledge they're keeping something like this a secret? I couldn't. It was over either way.

Have you messaged her?

is it possible that they’ve now been looking through past messages together and caught the respond emoji, I catch them all the time on WhatsApp

Ignore, ignore, ignore!

This. If she found the messages / series of phone calls she would never trust op again.

As ever it creates a shit situation for the women the sleaze ball tried to entice. He is likely to be doing this to more than one person so he may get caught. Then if she realises you also got messages she will never trust you again.

If you don’t tell her then you are lying by omission. It’s a shit situation you were put in but I would have done the same as you did. If I lost the friendship so be it. I’d rather that than keep it from her and lie by omission. I mean if she said to you her husband was so lovely and kind - do you agree with her knowing what you know? Or do you just think he’s a sleaze while nodding your head in agreement? Nope doesn’t line up with my values.

I would have likely done this in my 20s for an acquaintance (in fact I did, I called him out face to face and told him
what I thought - but didn’t tell her - which I regretted as he eventually cheated on her and I guess had I said something maybe she would have dumped him a year earlier), but never for a friend.

This is going nowhere...