A friends husband is calling me

[littlelongstockings]

I am friends with a lady from our children’s school, we have been friends for about 2 years. We meet up once every few months with the children and her husband always comes along too.

A week or so ago her husband private messaged me on Facebook asking how my “solo weekend” was going as he knew I had the weekend to myself and also talking about a famous family member of mine. I didn’t think too much in to it and ended the conversation quite quickly. Thisafternoon he called me on facebook 3 times in a row, I didn’t answer but messaged back asking if all was okay and if he meant to ring me, he said he was just calling for a catch up but he’s busy now and will call again tomorrow to chat.

This is the first time he has spoken to me outside of when we all meet up. Am I right in thinking this is slightly odd? Does he just see me as a friend too? I just don’t think I would ever call my husbands friend 3 times in a row for a catch up.

God what is wrong with men like that. It's obvious what he's after...his own wife's friend!!! And you're married too!! How dare he!! If he wants an affair he can go and choose someone who's nothing to do with his family! How dare he be so arrogant! He thinks you won't dare say anything to your husband or friend, because your friend won't believe you! Slimey git! Just screenshot everything in case he tries to blame you!!

If he wants to talk to you about your family member, why not wait until the next catch up? Surely that could wait, it's not urgent? Getting in touch and persistently like this out of the blue is a tad strange and I wouldn't welcome it either.

Just do your best not to engage, hopefully he will get bored of trying. If he doesn't take that as a hint, be blunt and tell your friend that he's harassing you?

I did wonder if he was controlling too because always tagging along to the meet ups. Either way, suss behaviour.

@HappyjoeHe doesn’t strike me as controlling but I know that doesn’t always mean anything! I just thought he liked spending time with his wife and children so would come along too.

Thinking about it he has always seemed oddly interested in my life and my relationship with my husband, our cars (strangely) and day to day life etc, my husbands job, family etc

It's dodgy. No reason to lie. Have a chat with your friend about what happened so she hears it from you. It will stop quickly.

At best he lacks social graces and doesn't understand boundaries... at worst you're going to have to fight him off with a shitty stick! (sorry, it's a phase used in jest a lot in my house).

Good luck OP, hope you manage to get him to stop.

No need to specifically say anything to him or your friend. Just casually mention it next time you’re all out together… As if it’s totally normal he called. Bet it won’t happen again!

Why don’t you just spit it out and say you think he’s trying to get into your knickers?

You clearly think it and I don’t think you’re wrong but why the wide eyed “But what does it all meeeeean??”

Block and ignore or continue if you like the drama.

She said earlier on in the thread that she’s Autistic so she doesn’t always know how to read situations that’s why she doesn’t clearly think it.

@littlelongstockings he’s making things awkward. Stop replying to his messages, don’t pick up calls and take your DH with you to the next meet-up. Show him, firmly, where the boundary is.

Personally I would answer and ask him outright what he wants and why he is calling you not his wife who you are friends with.

Then he would be going on my blocked list if he couldn’t give me a normal/logical reason.

Thank you for demonstrating why autistic people are disabled in a neurotypical world.

Nine-tenths of autistic women are sexual assault survivors compared to one in three neurotypical women. Our difficulties determining a man's true intentions is one of the contributing factors.

Being accused of creating drama is just another of the ways we are insulted for something we were born with and don't have a choice about.

Yes, me too.

He's hitting on you.

This. It’s control

In your shoes OP i would not answer any more calls or possibly block him

I would tell your friend. Id keep it light and just say something like ' your dh phoned me while I was away, he was asking about my trip and also wanted to talk about .........( family member) He did call a few more times but I missed those calls so I dont know what he wanted'

I would also tell Dh, again keeping it light.

I'd do all this just to be transparent and open with everyone.

Personally I think the bloke is just testing the waters and I'd be shutting him down immediately.

Not sure why you even asked if 'all was okay', come on - if all wasn't okay would you really be the person he would call? Block, tell friend, and stop meeting them.

This!!!

No contact whatsoever. Fucking creep!

Do you have him as a FB friend if that's how he's calling you? I'd consider unfriending him and locking down your profile. His wife is your friend and no need to have him also on your friend list.

I would ignore him he sounds like an idiot, what man tags along to a women's group anyway that's just weird.

Yep, he's fishing.

"Hi friend, is everything Ok? I seem to have missed three FB calls from DH."

The only reason for him to be calling you like that, unless he's up to no good, is because there's some sort of emergency and they need help.

I wouldn't reply to him or amswer his calls.
If it all goes sideways and his wife finds out, it will all come back on you.

He fancies you , it’s quite common for husbands to be attracted to their wives friends.