A friends husband is calling me

[littlelongstockings]

I am friends with a lady from our children’s school, we have been friends for about 2 years. We meet up once every few months with the children and her husband always comes along too.

A week or so ago her husband private messaged me on Facebook asking how my “solo weekend” was going as he knew I had the weekend to myself and also talking about a famous family member of mine. I didn’t think too much in to it and ended the conversation quite quickly. Thisafternoon he called me on facebook 3 times in a row, I didn’t answer but messaged back asking if all was okay and if he meant to ring me, he said he was just calling for a catch up but he’s busy now and will call again tomorrow to chat.

This is the first time he has spoken to me outside of when we all meet up. Am I right in thinking this is slightly odd? Does he just see me as a friend too? I just don’t think I would ever call my husbands friend 3 times in a row for a catch up.

I mean, there's always the chance he's juat a lovely, naiive bloke that's really worried about his wife for some reason and is working up the courage to speak to a friend of hers to see if she can help. Or wanting to scout out her friend for suggestions on what shape diamond they think she'd prefer.

But probably not.

@Summer26woohooOf course there is always a chance but me and his wife aren’t overly close friends so im not sure he would call me if there was a problem or if he wanted advice on a gift! They have other friends they are closer to.

Would be very tempted to out his behaviour to / in front of your friend. Don’t be roped in to keeping secrets for a dodgy guy like that.

I agree.

Ok well she can tell him that then. But I’m assuming as it’s the obvious course of action the OP had already decided against it 🤷‍♀️

I see your point.

I wouldn’t have bothered messaging him, I would have messaged my friend to ask if she was ok as her DH had been trying to ring me and was there an emergency they needed help with?
She could that either explain why he’s ringing you or it fully puts her in the picture that he is…

Where has op implied that she's considering it? No need for your snide, bitchy comment 🙄🙄

Excellent idea!

Yeah as you’re not overly close i would definitely say he’s trying to baste your chicken, just ignore him or expose him.

I would actually suggest it's nothing to do with you OP. But more like he wants to gain closeness to you in the hope he gets information about the famous family member and can then show off about it.

"Oh, my mate's Holly Willoughbys sister..." Blah blah blah.

"Oh Jeremy Clarkson recommends this, he's a friend of a friend..."

Some people are just a bit vapid like that.

Is your famous family member the sort of person this man would like to show off about?

Maybe he's working up to asking for an introduction to your famous family member.

Do you think friend is in a controlling relationship and he's trying to push her friends away so she's left with no one? So he can basically "show her what her friends are really like " And how he's the only one she can rely on .

Whatever is happening it doesn't seem right.

He’s probably messaging a few women. Dont respond. Its hugely suspicious behaviour

A friend’s husband started messaging me on FB a while back. I didnt engage. Just replied politely with minimal wording. Eventually he stopped

a while later she said she had caught him engaging in flirtatious messages over FB with another women and it caused a huge row

Don't see a problem, if you're happy with a mum calling why not a dad? I've gone on playdates with men and some of the kids have single dads. Obviously if anyone is bothering you too much it's fine to say only text to arrange playdates, but otherwise, it's fine.

Buts it’s totally new and op doesn’t have a separate friendship with him away from his wife, and he had no actual reason to call.

In your scenario it sounds like they're either single, or the wives knew. It's unclear if the wife knows here. I doubt it given he was quite insistent to call in a short specific time period with no emergency.

ETA - I'd also find it strange if a mum called 3 times in 8 minutes just for a casual chat. Surely if someone doesn't answer you wait for them to call you back?

Do you think he might be trying to get to your famous family member through befriending you?? That was my first thought

I'm going to bet that he's angling for an introduction to your famous relative - maybe for some random rubbish business plan or just because he's a fan - and your friend has told him that he is absolutely not allowed to ask you about it under any circumstances. Hence him calling when she's not there.

Weirdo.

Ask the female friend tomorrow. ‘Bob called me three times in quick succession yesterday, is everything okay?’

‘Phew wasn’t an emergency then.
I was worried you needed help picking up the kids. Sorry I didn’t answer but I didn’t hear it ring as I was on the phone/ it was on silent / another reason’

she may not say much but least you have given her the info.

I had a school friend’s husband who did the same, he started off making a couple of “cheeky innuendo” comments on my Insta posts. He later started messaging me on the ‘context’ of talking about the kids and my helping out etc , then he started phoning ( and yes I did tell her “ your husband keeps calling me” she laughed it off.)
i never found him attractive or thought it possible that he was being underhand so we gradually started talking regularly and I looked forward to hearing from him as he was funny and it brightened my day.
it then became apparent a line was being crossed and I was starting to have feelings for him. He admitted he’d always been attracted to me . A big line had been crossed and I had to distance myself from him as it was on the cusp of becoming an emotional affair.
So my advice is… be polite but don’t engage, definitely mention it to your friend and maybe say it makes you feel uncomfortable.
its quite scary how these things can grow legs .

I'm also autistic.

I suspect that he's sounding you out for an affair. And I suspect that he's chosen you as being easy prey. Your autism means that you won't be sure how to handle his advances and are hence easier for him to railroad into going along with an affair. He doesn't have to know your diagnosis to observe your social difficulties and choose to exploit them.

You would not be unreasonable to tell your friend, framing it as "Is everything alright? Your DH is acting weird lately." Don't voice your suspicions as to his motives, just state facts. If it's innocent, he won't mind telling her why. However, if it wasn't innocent, she will probably pull back from the friendship because she won't want to create opportunities for him to be around you. You may find this more comfortable in the long run as you won't be having to keep an eye on the sex pest Poundland Casanova, making sure that you are never alone with him, but it will hurt in the short-term.

But also, him keeping his marital vows is his problem and you keeping yours is your problem, so you aren't obliged to tell her. Just be aware that he is likely to keep sniffing around you.

You're right to tell your DH. PPs have said to check your social media privacy settings so that he and other non-friends cannot DM you. Lastly, do not phone him back or do anything else that could be construed by your friend or your DH as encouraging him.

I think this is the way. Just don’t engage. If you have to be polite but give him very little - grey rock.