A friends husband is calling me

[littlelongstockings]

I am friends with a lady from our children’s school, we have been friends for about 2 years. We meet up once every few months with the children and her husband always comes along too.

A week or so ago her husband private messaged me on Facebook asking how my “solo weekend” was going as he knew I had the weekend to myself and also talking about a famous family member of mine. I didn’t think too much in to it and ended the conversation quite quickly. Thisafternoon he called me on facebook 3 times in a row, I didn’t answer but messaged back asking if all was okay and if he meant to ring me, he said he was just calling for a catch up but he’s busy now and will call again tomorrow to chat.

This is the first time he has spoken to me outside of when we all meet up. Am I right in thinking this is slightly odd? Does he just see me as a friend too? I just don’t think I would ever call my husbands friend 3 times in a row for a catch up.

Just tell him you don’t take FB calls and that you feel there’s no need anyway.

Then adjust your settings so that only friends can message you.

@ArseSkinForAFriendSurly he could just ask his wife for my number if he wanted to call me for a chat? It seems a bit suspect

Odd. Why does this man always come along to your meet ups? That’s weird too

@Pinkissmarti have no idea! There hasn’t been one meet up where he hasn’t attended aswell… I always thought they enjoyed coming as a couple but now it seems a bit strange.

This is a bit dodgy. Keep it very brief and concise.

This is bizarre. I’d block him. It may be odd but if any of my friends husbands was ringing me I would assume there was some sort of emergency !

Solution 1 - Just ignore him. Don't be afraid of upsetting him. He knows what he's doing, and he can't really make that much of a fuss about it because he knows that if he will, it'll cause issues with your friend or your husband.

Solution 2 - Just tell him that outside group company, that you don't socialise with 1-2-1 with men.

It's be texting my friend some chatty text and asking if everything's ok, and just wondering because her DH kept trying to call. Just let her know.i

This.

He might be insisting that he comes along. I've heard of men like that. They embed themselves in their girlfriend's or wife's social group as an easy way to meet other women, and they know full well that some women are too polite to push back on this when they should.

Well yes.

This is why you need to tell him you don’t accept FB calls and adjust your settings?

"talking about a famous family member of mine"

Do you think it's something to do with this - is he a fan of your family member?

Ignore the calls, and maybe drop into conversation with friend that her dh called. Maybe casually say that he messaged about famous friend the first time, but you didn’t answer his subsequent phonecalls as was busy, and was it anything important that you need to discuss.

@PoliteRaven He does seem pretty interested in this family member of mine, but he has known about this for almost our whole friendship so I’m not sure why he would choose now to try to talk to me privately. Also if it was purely just about my family member then he could ask his wife for my number as he wants to know something about that? I mean I would still find it a little odd that he wants to discuss my family member over phone calls!!

Easy fix.

Also if someone doesn’t answer your phone call, unless it is an emergency you wait a while for a call back? Not call 3 times within about 8 minutes.

He's using your famous family member as a handy and legitimate excuse to contact you but it is blindingly obvious, considering he's mentioned your 'solo weekend', what he's really after.

Don't message him, don't reply to him, don't answer calls. Nothing. Ignore him completely.

I know you've replied to him once, so it's too late for that one, but please don't do anything else at all. If his wife gets wind of what he's up to, he will tell her that you've been chasing him and he has been fending you off. That's what they all do. If you have had online conversations, he will use outwardly innocent remarks of yours and twist & misinterpret them to 'prove. that you started it. So don't give him the ammunition.

@littlelongstockings sounds like he might like you! Slimy little shit 😂

Why should she lie? Surely it should be she doesn't accept calls from her friend's husbands unless it's an emergency because it's inappropriate? Nor should she have to adjust her settings. He needs to know it's made her feel uncomfortable.

@littlelongstockings Agreed, I would find it odd - who knows what is going on with him, people are such a varied bunch. I think my approach would be to just ignore his messages/ Facebook calls (I didn't even know you could call people on Facebook), you barely know him, really, you're not obliged to answer. I get it - I don't like being rude and so forth but sometimes it's the best way - I think he's being rude 'ringing' you three times in eight minutes. You're acquaintances, not the kind of friend who you would turn to in an emergency or what-have-you in any case - I personally wouldn't take the approach of pp's who suggested texting his wife... just feels like that could be maybe opening a can of worms.

Maybe he is attracted to you and the reason he had to ring at a certain time is because his wife was due home. I feel the best way to nip in the bud is to ignore any contact outside of your group meetings.

You're well aware what's he's up to. Considering it are we, OP?

@PoliteRavenAt the time he was calling me his wife would have been out on the school run! So that could definitely have been why he called 3 times in 8 minutes.

Wait until he messages you. Assume it's friendly until you know otherwise but also let his wife know in a friendly offhand way.

Ignore ignore ignore

Don't respond to any of his messages

It's obvious what he is after, you're not interested, therefore don't give him any attention

@gingzDefinately not! I’m Autistic and sometimes struggle to know if something is inappropriate or not so getting other peoples perspectives helps. I have also told my husband so he is fully aware!