A friends husband is calling me

[littlelongstockings]

I am friends with a lady from our children’s school, we have been friends for about 2 years. We meet up once every few months with the children and her husband always comes along too.

A week or so ago her husband private messaged me on Facebook asking how my “solo weekend” was going as he knew I had the weekend to myself and also talking about a famous family member of mine. I didn’t think too much in to it and ended the conversation quite quickly. Thisafternoon he called me on facebook 3 times in a row, I didn’t answer but messaged back asking if all was okay and if he meant to ring me, he said he was just calling for a catch up but he’s busy now and will call again tomorrow to chat.

This is the first time he has spoken to me outside of when we all meet up. Am I right in thinking this is slightly odd? Does he just see me as a friend too? I just don’t think I would ever call my husbands friend 3 times in a row for a catch up.

Women are not responsible for covering up men's duplicity.

It would be so humiliating to have a husband who was trying to get into my friends' knickers and have them all know but be kept in the dark myself.

Block him.
Lets not investigate this. This is wrong.

I don’t think the Op detonated anything - she checked with her friend if all was ok given how many times the friend’s husband phoned her; that’s all entirely on the husband.

That's disingenuous.

OP is clearly telling her 'friend' what the husband is up to, dropping him in the shit, signalling the end of the marriage.

Actions have consequences. As he’s about to find out, serves him right. Well done OP.

I'd argue he's dropped himself in the shit on this one with his own behaviour.
She's simply asking if everything is OK, which is understandable given how persistently he's contacted her.
It's a case of not dancing around odd behaviour but instead calling it out directly.
But no, let's blame the woman!

Women are not responsible for covering up men's duplicity. If his calls were innocent, OP's actions will do nothing. OP shouldn't be left trying to fend him off whilst keeping his actions a secret from his wife. That's not fair to OP.

All OP needed to do was ignore. She just couldn't resist causing trouble.

She didn't cause trouble, he did.

Shame needs to switch sides.

No way she should have ignored.
Who knows what he'd have said if she'd answered.

It was uncomfortable for her for him to be directly calling.
If he had something to ask, like oh I'm planning a surprise party or something he could have messaged.
She's nipped this in the bud and transferred the awkwardness right back.

There wouldn't have been any trouble or shame if she had just kept quiet but it appears she couldn't resist to cause trouble.

I didn’t want to cause trouble! I valued our friendship and have respect for other women and think they deserve to know when their DH is acting strange or out of character for whatever reason. I didn’t say it to her in a bad way, I simply just checked she was okay as he had been calling me frequently. I would want to know if my husband had been doing the same.

You’re not wrong in what you did Op! I’d want to know too!

@littlelongstockings i think you’ve done the right thing. This man has called you 3 times, when his wife was on the school run time twice = 6 calls apropos of nothing. If he wanted to contact you innocently he would message you, not blow up your phone.

I seen it on here whereby some women do not want to know if their partners are acting nefariously, they prefer blissful ignorance. I’d rather be made aware.

I also disagree with the PP who said that you “rate yourself”, how high school of them.

🎯Well done OP.

I'd want to know too, OP. I don't think you did anything wrong by letting her know.

I also think you did it cleverly. You didnt make any assumptions or accuse him of anything. Framing it as asking if she is ok, shows your first thought was that something had happened to her and not that he was being inappropriate. You've also shown loyalty to her and your friendship, although whether she recognises that is a different matter.

He will explain it. She will either believe his explanation or pretend she does to save face.

She can then feed that reason back to you.

What happens next is up to her really. I hope you hear from her soon. It's very unsettling to be in this position.

I also disagree with the PP who said that you “rate yourself”, how high school of them.

I haven't RTFT so missed this but I'm 52 and I would need my feet as well as both hands to count the number of married men (including husbands of my friends) who've sent me messages/made passes/been inappropriate towards me I don't 'rate myself'. Neither have I ever encouraged or welcomed it.

FFS I hate it when women are blamed for men's actions.

OP gets multiple calls out of the blue from friend's DH.
OP: "Hey friend, I've had a lot of missed calls from your DH. What's up?"
TalkToTheHand123: Wow, OP, you just couldn't resist causing trouble for friend's DH. Shame on you!

I can imagine someone who really doesn't like women thinking like this. Like, who are women to say anything about creepy approaches from married men? They should just keep quiet, right?

Someone should feel shame here, but I bet he won't.

I know. It's gross. I expect nothing less from some of the posters on here unfortunately!

Perhaps these posters are quite happy with their DH shagging their friends as long as they don't have to think about it.

Why should women stay quiet when a man causes trouble? If there's any trouble or shame to be had, it is entirely of his own making.

If he's done nothing wrong, no harm done as your message to her doesn't imply anything but curiosity. If he's being a dog, his wife deserves to know.

I think plenty will put up with a lot if it doesn’t rock theirs and their families lifestyle if I’m honest -

I would have done the same in your position, not saying her DH is guilty but it would definitely strike me as odd and it would be odd of me not to say anything to her- if that makes sense?
I would feel like i was hiding something from her if i didn’t get hold of her and say “whats up with your OH? Been trying to ring me, everything ok?”

Idiotic comment. Either a misogynist or an internalised misogynist.

OP, please ignore these kinds of posts. Theyre only doing it because you seem unsure of yourself and they know theyll get a rise out of you or kick you when youre down.

You did the right thing both for her and for yourself. Why the hell should you have to put up with this from him? He's made you feel uncomfortable and put you in a shitty situation. It's completely unfair and you've done nothing wrong.