A friends husband is calling me

[littlelongstockings]

I am friends with a lady from our children’s school, we have been friends for about 2 years. We meet up once every few months with the children and her husband always comes along too.

A week or so ago her husband private messaged me on Facebook asking how my “solo weekend” was going as he knew I had the weekend to myself and also talking about a famous family member of mine. I didn’t think too much in to it and ended the conversation quite quickly. Thisafternoon he called me on facebook 3 times in a row, I didn’t answer but messaged back asking if all was okay and if he meant to ring me, he said he was just calling for a catch up but he’s busy now and will call again tomorrow to chat.

This is the first time he has spoken to me outside of when we all meet up. Am I right in thinking this is slightly odd? Does he just see me as a friend too? I just don’t think I would ever call my husbands friend 3 times in a row for a catch up.

I explained back in my first reply.

However, if it wasn't innocent, she will probably pull back from the friendship because she won't want to create opportunities for him to be around you. You may find this more comfortable in the long run as you won't be having to keep an eye on the sex pest Poundland Casanova, making sure that you are never alone with him, but it will hurt in the short-term.

It's not about whose fault it is, but about her feeling uncomfortable because she knows her husband is after you. Even if she completely trusts your version of events, he's still after you.

Yes, it feels grossly unfair. It is unfair, of him.

You did the right thing - she will now either ask him or ignore you sadly

This is such a difficult situation OP but you have done the right thing. I would find it really weird if my DH started calling my friends for a ‘chat’…but will be quite tricky to maintain the friendship now.

I wonder what excuse he's going to come up with.

Sadly, as others have said, often it's the messenger that gets shot.

Unfortunately, some women when they find out their husband/partner is chasing other women, blame the woman. Usually the man makes up some bollocks and it's far easier to blame someone else, rather than face up to the fact her husband/partner is a shit bag.

Don't be at all surprised if the friendship fades away and/or you get accused of causing trouble in her marriage.

You've made the right decision by bringing his behaviour to her attention. It's up to her what she does with that information. It's clear from your friend's response, that she had no idea her husband has been contacting you.

Well just to say you did the right thing with the "are you OK as your weirdo husband has called me loads"
It's plausible deniability and allows some face saving for both of you. If any of my friends DHs tried calling multiple times for a chat I would assume: 1. Needs help urgently with kids or friend, illness, hospital etc. 2. Maybe wants to borrow money on the sly or some other type of scam or MLM 3. They're drunk?
I have to say I would have answered though because I always do. But in a way it's better you didn't as you can all brush it under the rug a little and let her deal with him alone

You did the right thing. Call it out straight away is far easier than allowing it to happen…..

She’s very aware what he’s doing…. Good job. Just pull back and maybe block the guy.

Well IMO it isn't nornal. You've been friends with her for 2 years and he hasn't connected with you before outside of those meet ups (It is odd though that he came too them all). There is no innocwnt reason that he should start contacting you now, especially when his wife is not home and clearly wasn't aware of it when you texted her.

But at the end of the day, whether she thinks it's normal or not, your spidey sense is tingling. You clearly feel off about it or wouldn't have felt the need to message us here. Trust your gut on this one. He is trying to cross a line.

FFS.
He is fishing for a no-strings sex buddy
This is from a man who knows how many men think and operate.
I sometimes think these posts are not real.
No woman could ever be this naive.

FFS.
He is fishing for a no-strings sex buddy
This is from a man who knows how many men think and operate.
I sometimes think these posts are not real.
No woman could ever be this naive.

9

Just tell him you’d rather not talk to him without your friend.

Just ignore. It's perfectly possible you are, like many of us, completely inundated with messages and you don't have to attend to them all just because people are asking you to.

It's too easy to contact people now and I completely ignore certain messages, for example, a work contact who keeps sending me his bike ride numbers and a relative who sends me dumb and sexist videos.

Both of them are not getting the message but that's not my issue.

It is suspect. You should find excuses to get away from both of them for a while. He's after you.

I wondered this too. He sounds a bit of a leech.

Tell me you don't know anything about autistic women without telling me...

I've had the same. I responded by. "Did you mean these messages for me ? I'm sure you didn't as they would be very inappropriate. Please take care and only send them to the intended person
"

Makes them loin like the twat they are

Are you reasonably attractive? Pretty sure this guy is trying to sound you out.

Did you miss the fact that OP is autistic?

As an autistic woman, it’s common to spend your life second-guessing how you’ve interpreted other people’s behaviour. What seems obvious to others can feel very confusing to a neurodivergent woman who doubts her own instincts.

And in this case, technically he’s not done anything wrong (yet). He’s behaved oddly but hasn’t said anything inappropriate. That makes it even harder to take actions that could be divisive.

You might know how “men think and operate”, but you clearly know little about autistic women.

He has perceived you to be vulnerable and his behaviour is predatory and inappropriate. I’m glad you told your friend.

You did the right thing OP. No matter what the outcome you did the right thing as he put you in an awkward position. I am friends with some of my friends husbands on social media but there is zero reason for any of them to call me directly about anything. It is awful men put us in this position to begin with.

And some women live in the eternal hope that men are telling the truth when they say 'not all men' 🤷🏻‍♀️

Did you do anything to encourage him to message you?

Wtaf?!

I don't think PP is saying all men would behave this way, only that all men who behave this way are fishing for sex.

His wife probably will want to step away from you becuase she'll be embarrassed, but you've still done the right thing.