A friends husband is calling me

[littlelongstockings]

I am friends with a lady from our children’s school, we have been friends for about 2 years. We meet up once every few months with the children and her husband always comes along too.

A week or so ago her husband private messaged me on Facebook asking how my “solo weekend” was going as he knew I had the weekend to myself and also talking about a famous family member of mine. I didn’t think too much in to it and ended the conversation quite quickly. Thisafternoon he called me on facebook 3 times in a row, I didn’t answer but messaged back asking if all was okay and if he meant to ring me, he said he was just calling for a catch up but he’s busy now and will call again tomorrow to chat.

This is the first time he has spoken to me outside of when we all meet up. Am I right in thinking this is slightly odd? Does he just see me as a friend too? I just don’t think I would ever call my husbands friend 3 times in a row for a catch up.

You did exactly the right thing, OP. And in a tactful way.

It's not up to women to "keep quiet" aka cover up the misdeeds of men.

They can fucking own their bullshit. This man was putting out feelers to see if she'd be open to seeing him behind her friend's back.

OP has let her friend know her husband's been contacting her in the perfect way and left this for her to deal with as she wants.

There is no perfect way. Anyway is just terrible. The girlfriend will think OP is just a troublemaker.

It's always the women who are blamed and not the men, even though he caused this in the first place.
He is the one harassing her, why the hell shouldn't she contact her friend and ask what's up.
You've done nothing wrong op, he has created an awkward situation, but don't be surprised if your friend takes her anger out on you for her dhs behaviour as unfortunately that can happen. x

Maybe if more women would out these sleazy assholes trying to cheat with their wives friends, men would think twice before making their wives' friends uncomfortable pursuing them. That's basic FAFO.

If the friend thinks that OP being stand up and having her back is being a troublemaker, her loss.

That may be true -- but if it is, it is because some women protect the sleazy men by keeping quiet. He thinks it is safe to creep on his wife's friends, after all most women are sure to say nothing. He is protected from scrutiny because somehow it is decreed it is the woman's role to feel the shame, not the man's. Even when it is the man who is the pervy sex pest. What a world.

If the friend shoots the messenger, that's her loss. OP has been loyal.

OP is not responsible for this man's actions.

There is NO reason for @littlelongstockings to feel "shame" either.

The blame and any shame should belong to the perpetrator of sleazy behaviour, not his target.

This man knows OP is married.
It is a good job her husband has been pretty even-minded about it and been there to support her as some men would go nuclear.
These sleazebags have no off button I am afraid and I am now old enough/invisible enough to get left alone.
This man is a creep and I think he’s been turning up at these meetings to see OP.
He is bored of his much younger wife and is now casting around for someone even younger.
So he’s thought I’ll tell you what, I’ll try my partner’s good friend who feels safe around me, who is happily married. Our children are close. So she’s the perfect solution. I mean I will fuck up two friendships and two families if I get found out whether she says yes or no to me.
They do not care. They care about their egos and their fantasies.
These boards are filled with men around this age I think they feel they are having a few last lothario chances.
I also feel for the friend here but she needed to know.

But that's what I said, so I'm not sure why you are having a go at me.

I don't think they were having a go at you?

@Cotopaxi I wasn't having a go at you, apparently I made an error in quoting. I'm sorry about that.

I was intending to include all of the post where you had quoted @'TalkToTheHand123' (15:05 on Sun) to respond in agreement with you.

@GarlicSomething Thank you.

So thismorning I have woken up and my friends DH has reacted with a laughing emoji to one of my messages I sent to him almost 3 weeks ago when he first contacted me. Why is he being so odd, I’ve had no contact from him since I told his wife last Thursday!

Screenshot and block
Do not entertain this man and his game

Have you heard from your friend since you told her that he messaged you?

What was the message he added the laugh to and what time did you get the notification?

Feels like he’s trying to make light of it / make out to you it was nothing and all in your head - the timings important as would it be when she’s in bed and he’s back at it again…

I think it's time to block him on all apps OP, including phone app, so he can't keep contacting you. Definitely something odd about him. I'm assuming your friend hasn't responded further with any explanation since either?

Yeah, time to block him on all channels. That's not making things awkward, he has done that. What a weirdo. I'm sorry you've been made to feel so uncomfortable.

You should have already blocked him OP, but the next best time to do that is now.

I missed this before- I didn't realise you'd replied to him. Your reply was fine but yes you should block him.

Laughing emoji is a way men get nasty and try and make you feel like you've done something wrong. It's nothing but bog standard male anger that you haven't done what they wanted. Again, it's not you. I've had them for example when selling a car online and refusing silly offers- men then respond with 😂

Whatever happens between them and their marriage, even if it continues and he convinces her you're mistaken or stirring, you did the right thing. To be honest if she does stop seeing you it wasn't much of a friendship with creepy hubby tagging along every time and planning making a move on his wife's younger friend.

You sound lovely OP and I hope you have and make other lovely friends you click with.

Screenshot and block him.

He may have a MH issue. Just ignore.

Oh yes, and screenshot.

Don't forget, even SHE said his behaviour was odd. And YOU know his behaviour made you very uncomfortable.

He is the one who has seriously misjudged and misread the situation and acted like a weirdo. Don't think because you're autistic you're automatically in the wrong in social situations. He's wrong.

You did the right thing, OP. You told your husband when it happened and sent your friend the screenshots. None of this can come back on you, it’s clear that you’ve done nothing wrong and just asked why your friend’s husband is suddenly trying to call and message you.

I imagine your poor friend is absolutely mortified by her dirty old perv of a husband.

Very weird! It's either he is trying to signal to you that he wants contact without ringing/texting you again so he has done this.
Maybe like he is trying to goad you into asking why he did that, so then he can show his wife acrually you're the one initating contact?
Or perhaps he is mentally unwell and in a manic episode?
Or he has been rereading through your messages and accidentally reacted but I doubt it as reacting with a certain emoji requires a long press selection?

What did your msg say? The one where you said whats going on and he said he'd phone you later on school run?

Ignore or block him! You don't need his message or to be polite as you've informed his wife now, so a block would be fine. I doubt you'll be meeting up as a three or foursome again so I don't think it would be awkward.