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Husband wants to separate but still live together with the children

371 replies

PrincessCalley · 12/09/2026 12:03

Hi all, so I've posted before about my marriage being in trouble. My husband has now told me he wants to leave me. He needs to do things and wants to be on his own, maybe travel to China or South America. Ive been processing this the best part of 6 weeks. Doing okay most of the time. However, we also have 2 kids. 13 and 11. He now wants us to sell our home and move into town and live together. Im actually okay with this idea (about moving to town) but the living together while living separate lives is not sitting well with me. In a few years the kids will have gone to college etc so what happens then? He then floated the idea of buying 2 houses close to each other. Sounds great but this will cost the best part of 900k and our house is not worth near that. We have no mortgage currently. He seems to be loosing his grip on reality in that he thinks life will be great and money will come but im stressing about paying for everything. Kids are expensive, running a house is expensive. He also talks about us getting back together in a few years when we've had time apart. We can then rent the 2nd home. I think hes losing his grip on reality and am not sure whats going on. We are both early 40s. Anyone have any thoughts? Mid life crisis? There is definitely noone else involved but he has struck up a friendship with some people in their 20s who are in his gym and I am convinced this is playing a part. He spends a lot of time texting one of the 24yr old girls. She has a partner but i am starting to think she give him attention that he feels i dont. As his permanently stressed out wife.

OP posts:
Craftycariad · 13/09/2026 19:14

I know a few people who have separated and stayed together in the same house. Each one has their own rooms cupboards , bills split equally. However the issue arrives when one of the couple find a new partner and take them home, could you cope with that. Not sure I could and I know this has been the breaking point in these relationships. Having 2 properties close by seems more sensible but would that mean renting rather than buying 2 small properties . only you can decide but don't rush just be Use he has decided what he wants

taraworld · 13/09/2026 19:15

Absolutely!

notanothermother · 13/09/2026 19:15

I cannot fathom how any woman would even entertain this idea. How can anybody’s self worth be so low they would actually consider giving their husband a free pass to do whatever he wants for a few years and then just go back to normal like nothing ever happened. It’s insane. He’s basically asking for your permission to go spend money travelling (while you take on full responsibility of your children) fuck anybody he wants to. Basically live like a single childless man boy and then when he inevitably gets bored and lonely and realises he’s not actually a young, single catch, he has the safety net of you waiting for him. Girl RUN. Your kids are old enough to deal with a breakup. Split the house 50/50. Get yourself a new smaller house that you can afford. Carry on being a mum and do not entertain giving him a free pass. I promise you, because this always happens in these situations, you will land on your feet, find a new lease of life, rekindle friendships and hobbies you had forgotten about and realise that you do not need him. Never did and life is probably better without him. He will realise he is a silly old man who threw away the best thing he ever had and will regret it deeply. If you let him do this, you will always have resentment for him. Even if he comes back. Even if he doesn’t sleep with anybody else. Your relationship will not be the same as it was.

Washingupdone · 13/09/2026 19:50

Try to get into his phone and take screenshots on everything. Can you get into his bank account as it sounds he has been saving his money and relying on you to pay the mortgage and spend your inheritance. Be prepared. Find and copy all papers dealing with money, mortgage, pensions etc. All you have paid while he has saved his. It’s your Dc’s future as well as yours.
See a solicitor as soon as possible with all the documents.

everynamewastaken · 13/09/2026 20:02

Probably as others have said - pretext yourself. Get the divorce and properly separate your life with child custody agreements in place. In no way should he be shirking his parental responsibilities and swanning off to China or South America whilst you're left looking after them. If you do the divorce properly he'll have to find childcare for his days and he'll have to have a proper stable home for the kids AND have to pay his share of their upkeep. He's definitely completely out of touch with reality. How do you feel though? If it wasn't completely unhinged and coming from him would you have suggested marriage counselling and to try to stay together? Or do you think you'd be happier divorced anyway. Because when reality does hit...he may backtrack on the whole idea but if you are unhappy then I think it's best to say nope, I agree with this solution. Let's divorce.

Forevergardening · 13/09/2026 20:32

Sounds like he wants a secure base camp when he's back from flitting off around the globe. Why don't you float the idea that you want to jet off solo and he take care of the kids. If you're separated, don't buy place together. Rent if you have to, you will have your income (if working) plus government tops ups (income depending) and child maintenance. Live your best solo life. Side tracked but Why we see singled men doing fun things with kids and say wow what a good dad while we do that anyway plus more. I bet you'd be the worst mum ever if you pissed off travelling leaving the kids. Do not get a house together of split.

Tuesdayschild50 · 13/09/2026 20:43

Sell the home get yourself sorted and never mind ex going off travelling he will have two kids to support he needs the grow the fuck up .. if it was me I would be divorcing him setting up a home for myself and kids and sorting out child maintenance and a routine where he remembers he is a father.. let him go would not put up with this and the split would not be on his terms put it that way.
Probably get back together 🤣😂 id of laughed in his face.. wake up to this selfish man-child.

Tuesdayschild50 · 13/09/2026 20:46

Justaquestionplease · 12/09/2026 12:27

He wants to shag around whilst keeping his comfortable home and family life to dip in and out of while he shags his way around the world.

Exactly just forget he has two kids selfish prick who would want him anyway.. she needs to get rid.

ForCandidDuck · 13/09/2026 21:25

Totally wants his cake and eat it...!! Don't even give him a choice. Please dear God woman leave this man and be happy on your own. You deserve so much more and so do your kids. Texting a 24 year old girl..?? Believe me there is a lot more 24 year old guys ready to show a woman in her 40's a good time than the other way around. He has been side blinded and forgotten the most important people in his life. Let him go traveling and have his midlife crisis. Meanwhile you'll be enjoying life and maybe in the future find a guy that is so much more worthy and appreciate you. You deserve more than this selfish man.

Lovemeapickledgherkin · 13/09/2026 21:38

Lurker85 · 12/09/2026 12:27

He just wants to live like a single man for a few years but with all the benefits of a wife. If you properly separate he will still have to look after his kids part of the time but if you still live together he can leave the kids with you whilst he lives his single life. Don’t play along and be a side character in his mid life crisis.

Couldn’t agree more

Ohnobackagain · 13/09/2026 22:15

@PrincessCalley he wants this so he can have you do his share of the childcare and he can eff off round the world or whatever he wants to do. He is a cheeky fucker of the highest order. You need to stop enabling this and get yourself out into your own place.

Ohnobackagain · 13/09/2026 22:19

Saw your update about 70:30. Go for what you contributed. Go for maintenance. He doesn’t get to tell you. And do not live too close to each other. Friend experienced this - ended up with one parent dropping the kids round when they’d had enough rather than the routine that was supposed to happen @PrincessCalley

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 13/09/2026 22:28

He's cheating. Start divorcing him.

Like fuck does he get to "separate" and keep living in the house. He's showing you what he really thinks you are: a housekeeper, a cook, a laundress, not a wife.

PrincessCalley · 13/09/2026 22:37

Again thank u all for your support. It means a lot. He was out last night and has just told me someone wanted to take him home but it was too close or some bullsh1t like that. Another sleepless night for me. Yippee!!! Very hard to keep calm but will be looking into legal advice this week.

OP posts:
BruFord · 13/09/2026 22:44

PrincessCalley · 13/09/2026 22:37

Again thank u all for your support. It means a lot. He was out last night and has just told me someone wanted to take him home but it was too close or some bullsh1t like that. Another sleepless night for me. Yippee!!! Very hard to keep calm but will be looking into legal advice this week.

@PrincessCalley He sounds like a teenager boasting to his mates that someone fancies him! It's pathetic, you deserve so much better.

If you can, start emotionally detaching from him. When he says things like this, think of how you'd feel if a close friend told you that her husband was spouting this crap. You'd feel angry on her behalf, rather than sad. Keep reminding yourself that you deserve better than this man-child. Flowers

PrincessCalley · 13/09/2026 22:47

BruFord · 13/09/2026 22:44

@PrincessCalley He sounds like a teenager boasting to his mates that someone fancies him! It's pathetic, you deserve so much better.

If you can, start emotionally detaching from him. When he says things like this, think of how you'd feel if a close friend told you that her husband was spouting this crap. You'd feel angry on her behalf, rather than sad. Keep reminding yourself that you deserve better than this man-child. Flowers

Sometimes I think I am detaching but then something like this happens and im back to square one again. It's been 6 weeks now and im also so annoyed at myself for letting him treat me this way. It's so unfair.

OP posts:
Zerosleep · 13/09/2026 22:52

whippersnapper55 · 12/09/2026 12:42

He's spending a lot of time texting a 24 year old woman? And you think it's completely innocent? Really??

What you need to do is get legal advice and start divorce proceedings. Fuck living together or getting back together in a few years time when he's had his fun! Tell him in no uncertain terms that you are getting a divorce, selling the house, splitting the proceeds and that you will not be living with him ever again.

Sorry if it sounds harsh but why are you even entertaining his mad ideas? You need a clean break, for you and the children.

Take this advice!

BruFord · 13/09/2026 22:53

Six weeks is a very short time when you've been in a LTR, don't be annoyed with yourself for anything @PrincessCalley. Have you told anyone IRL about his behavior? It might help to offload to a close friend, for example.

PrincessCalley · 13/09/2026 22:55

BruFord · 13/09/2026 22:53

Six weeks is a very short time when you've been in a LTR, don't be annoyed with yourself for anything @PrincessCalley. Have you told anyone IRL about his behavior? It might help to offload to a close friend, for example.

I have told some of my close friends and they have been very good to me but they have their own lives too.

OP posts:
PrincessCalley · 13/09/2026 22:55

Im not a bad person and don't deserve this. Ha who does?!

OP posts:
Washingupdone · 13/09/2026 23:20

See a solicitor with all the documents, without his knowledge of course.
Look after yourself.

Messedupmyusernameagain · Yesterday 06:45

PrincessCalley · 13/09/2026 22:37

Again thank u all for your support. It means a lot. He was out last night and has just told me someone wanted to take him home but it was too close or some bullsh1t like that. Another sleepless night for me. Yippee!!! Very hard to keep calm but will be looking into legal advice this week.

What a vile thing to do. He is being deliberately cruel. If this really happened, what was he trying to achieve by telling you this? Is he so arrogant that he actually thinks he can do what he likes and you'll agree to all his demands? Good luck with the legal advice this week.

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · Yesterday 07:24

@PrincessCalley

All the time you’re still living together, you won’t really be able to detach like you need to.

Get that advice, and get the house on the market.

Make the break happen.

Good luck!

WellThatIsABitMad · Yesterday 07:26

PrincessCalley · 13/09/2026 22:37

Again thank u all for your support. It means a lot. He was out last night and has just told me someone wanted to take him home but it was too close or some bullsh1t like that. Another sleepless night for me. Yippee!!! Very hard to keep calm but will be looking into legal advice this week.

next time he says this, tell him he should have gone with her and never come back. He’s controlling this and being deliberately cruel, get angry and take the control from him. What a bastard.

PrincessCalley · Yesterday 07:36

WellThatIsABitMad · Yesterday 07:26

next time he says this, tell him he should have gone with her and never come back. He’s controlling this and being deliberately cruel, get angry and take the control from him. What a bastard.

I am angry but my head is melted. Got a message from him this morning telling me how well I looked yesterday. This sh1t is just mental. I have had about 2 hours sleep. Gym and run done for today. Was thinking last night how id love to head off for a few days breathing space but what about my kids?! I dont want to upset them anymore than is necessary but I feel I'm slowing going crazy

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