Why is it seen as “wrong” on MN to want a relationship?

[Sunshine231]

I’ve noticed on threads on here that it is seen as really bad to admit to wanting a relationship. Being happy as a single person seems to be pushed as the holy grail. Why is that? Aren’t human beings biologically wired to be with someone? We are literally programmed to dislike being alone. So why is it so shamed when someone admits that they don’t like being alone?

For context I am not long out of a bad relationship and NOT looking for another relationship, before anyone jumps at me. But I can’t deny that the thought of being single forever doesn’t exactly fill me with joy. Clearly I’m wrong for feeling that way but I don’t feel like it’s a choice and maybe some people just don’t enjoy being single??

Ok so how long is the period that one must stay single then? I’ve seen threads where it’s been 5 years and the poster has been slammed for dating again. There is someone in this thread who was widowed 4 years ago and gets vilified for mentioning wanting another partner. So reading between the lines, it must be longer than 4 or 5 years…??

I don’t need to revisit anything. I have zero intention of getting back with him or getting with anyone else. I lived with him so I know exactly what it was like. You cannot possibly know him better than me just based on two previous threads about him. I already left him so you don’t need to panic but you are exactly the kind of person I’m talking about on these threads. Sorry I don’t fit into your narrative about how joyful and fulfilling life is when you leave your partner.

First of all, where did you get 10 years from? No one suggesting that. However, there are often threads where people jump from one relationship into another - that's always a bad idea. Three month is not enough to recover after break up.

Blended families can be happy but its hard work and very often they dont work. It may look all nice an rosy on the outside but you only need to speak to the kids grown up in such families to understand its not an easy ride for anyone. What your friend has is an exception, not a rule.

People dislike them because parents put their needs before the needs of their children. Moving them, making them share bedrooms, houses, lives with someone who is not family. Very often without asking kids what they actually think about all this.

The decade thing was obviously not serious. But I definitely have seen threads where it was 5 years and people were telling the person it was too soon. I will try to find them

I don’t think it is that rare unfortunately and that’s the bit MN often tries to call out. Some posters come on here posting about men’s awful behaviour, their behaviour towards their kids (from an equally awful relationship) or their awful lack of access to money but yet these woman either won’t leave or jump straight into another similar relationship. These are the woman they encourage to stay alone for a while so they can figure out that they don’t NEED to be in a relationship.

Well my kids won’t turn 18 for another 15 years. So I’ll be quite old by then and even then it is not guaranteed my kids would leave home at 18. So I can’t really see it happening but maybe I will be hitting up tinder as a 50 odd year old woman who knows 🤷‍♀️

I do feel that some people don’t know how to be alone and jump from relationship to relationship just so they’re not alone and some likely put up with a lot of crap just so they have someone. But I’m coming from it as someone who has been single a while and I know I get judged for that, and judged for not having been married or having children.

There is a woman literally in this thread saying she’s 4 years single and gets vilified for wanting a relationship 🤣 and I DEFINITELY have seen ones where it’s been 5 years

Are you ok? Why do you care so much. I’m literally just asking why people don’t like others to want a relationship. Since you know everything, what is the time cut off then after which it would be acceptable to date again following a relationship breaking up?

Completely agree with that. 'Blended families' also cause a lot of stress and problems for children, so there's always that angle here that crops up often.

Telling someone they only want a partner for ‘some dick’ is pretty revolting no matter how ‘tongue in cheek’ it may be and I’m pretty disgusted that’s seen as acceptable tbh

I haven’t stayed with him though. So you can quote previous threads all you want.

Oh I see. You’re hell bent and desperate to push your narrative because you’re one of the people I’m talking about. I will not respond to you any further.