Women without children, how did your life turn out?

[AnyPomegranate]

I'm 29F and don't want children. I'm having a terrible time dating - most men want children and the ones who don't are commitment-phobe types who don't want a long-term monogamous relationship (let alone marriage).

Women who are childfree by choice, how has your life turned out? Did you ever meet your husband and if so, were you both actively childfree when you met or was it just something you fell into? If you didn't meet a partner, are you happy with your childfree life or do you wish you'd chosen differently?

I'd love to hear your experiences. Thank you x

Was going to say exactly this. I also never dated men with kids. You only have to read the step parenting board to see what some women are having to cope with.
I met my OH in my forties, he had also never wanted kids. By which time we both had our own house each, so I never had to rely on a man to house me or for anything else really.
I honestly think having children can seriously fuck up a womens life in a way it never does for men.

@AnyPomegranate honestly, not really! When we both started our own businesses about 4 years in we decided that having kids would just be too much like hard work and one of us would have to change job which we didn’t want to do.

We both work around 25/30 hours a week and the rest of our time is ours to enjoy!

Met at a university reunion, when I was working abroad, hence the initial long-distance relationship.

Semi-retired in our early 50’s. Not having children definitely makes that an easier thing to afford - no school fees, no support through university, no helping them onto the property-ladder, and just being able to save more for retirement not having the costs of children.

When I say most of our friends are childfree - it’s probably 60% - some through friends we have made through interests later in life, but also just through chance - couples DW has known since university or just thereafter who happen not to have had children for a variety of reasons.

I have also never held a baby in my life, just zero interest. However present me with a kitten or a puppy ...💓

This sounds fabulous!!! I want to know all about your life! Did you find dating much harder after 30? How did you know you didn't want them? What sort of job do you do (is it a corporate job in London, a creative job, etc)?

There is a Mners without children forum if you search. Many happy child-free women there.

Thank you for sharing! This is helpful :) it's just nice knowing there are childfree couples out there!

That's fair enough. I know lots of people (especially men!) are childfree because they generally don't like the idea of being tied down in any way. Personally I really love the idea of being married and having a partner to enjoy life with without the stresses of children.

Mid 50d. It was not a plan yo be child-free, but i wasn't particularly bothered. Didn't meet anyone serious till mid 40s. Single now. Have a decent life, good mates and have been able to leave teaching early. Have bern able to do as I please most my adult life. Still need a little job to keep me ticking over.

I don't think we did talk about it much in the early stages but I've always known I didn't want kids so I'm sure it did come up. My DH could never cope with kids full time anyway😂 he's great with his nieces and nephews but one nights broken sleep and he's completely unable to function so I was fairly confident he wouldn't ever really want them 😀 he was always more on the not wanting them side anyway.

But he didn't want to ever get married either, so I suppose maybe fits into your commitment phobe category! It was his idea though a couple of years later. I was quite relaxed about it though as we were still young (as you are!)

Yes or just any of the boards in general really - so many poor women trapped in marriages with useless cheating husbands who can't leave because of the kids.

Some childfree people were telling me that post-30 the only 'childfree' men available would be fathers who didn't want any more. But that doesn't really appeal to me - I don't want to raise my own children, let alone someone else's!

I'm a proud dog mum!

Thank you, I'll check it out.

I decided in my 20s I had no interest in having kids, I preferred working, and lived with several men over the years. I met my now partner my late 30s (he was mid 30s) and fortunately he had no interest in having kids either so it was never an issue. Before him I was quite serious with a guy with a couple of children and I realised I also had no interest in being a step parent so I dumped him.

We're now in our 50s, have moved country and are very happy with our tranquil life with lots of pets, going to the beach and reading and hanging out with friends. No one in my family has ever pressured me to have children, and a lot of my friends don't have them either so it's not unusual. Not having children is one of the things in life I am truly thankful about - it looks no fun at all! Can't say I'm bothered about care in later life either - we have no one to leave the house to so we can just downsize and pay carers if necessary. I live in a different country from my parents and have done for most of my life so haven't cared for them at all but they haven't needed it fortunately.

I think your title doesn’t really match your post. You’re really not asking how childfree women’s lives have turned out, you’re asking whether they found someone to marry.

For me it was the other way - I wanted children but my ex didn’t. We are still friends - they lead a fulfilled life, yes with a partner, and also a dog, senior career and time for competitive sport.

My nephew is also married to a lovely woman - they have decided to be child free and are both now 38. Again they have good lives and still seem very much in love. There’s a lot of respect too.

Also to add - children were not on my radar at 29, but by 32 I had completely changed my mind. Biology can do that to you, so be prepared in case it does!

Child free by mutual choice. Tubes clipped at 27. Together 50 years. Retired really early. Had a great life with all our money available to spend on whatever we wanted.

No regrets at any time, it was the right decision for us, we would have made lousy parents.

I have children but have friends and family without. Late 40s /50s. All seem very happy with their choice or perhaps reconciled if it was not a choice but circumstance. Lovely house, fab holidays, good career and all in long term relationships or married.

I met my husband when I was about your age. I think I told him on the night we met that I didn't want children 😃He genuinely wasn't bothered, if I'd wanted them he would have gone along with it but he had no active desire to have them.

My main concern was that he should love my cats. At the time I had a rather volatile rescue cat who would suddenly scratch if over-stimulated. He was stroking her about a week after we starting seeing each other, and she gave him a very deep swipe on the arm requiring him to go to A&E! That was a test of cat-loving if ever there were one!

I have a lovely MIL and I do feel a bit sad that she never had a grandchild - she's never said anything to me but I know from what DH has said that she would have liked one. But that's not a reason to bring children into the world that I know I could never cope with.

I also have several child free friends, all happy. It was the right choice for them. Their marriages seem fine.

Your nitpicking has been registered with the authorities and appropriate punishment will be administered in due course! 🤣

We have a child but it doesn't mean she has to look after us in later life.
She has her own life. We (i) have made this clear to her.

Oh really? Please tell me more!

I have never ever been maternal (even as a child I hated playing with baby dolls) and I'd say I'm actively childfree for lots of reasons rather than agnostic. I'm not sure if it was simply something you hadn't thought about, rather than actively not wanting them but changing your mind?

That's admirable, and I don't want to put a downer on your good intentions, but it really does depend on how your later years pan out. If you are unfortunate enough to succumb to dementia, your DD may have little choice. My mum doesn't even know who I am anymore, much less being remotely capable of looking after herself.