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Husband changed phone lock screen from photo of me, he's had for 10+ years to 1 with me and m best friend

194 replies

Sheepy21 · 09/09/2026 14:33

As title says, my husband has had the same lock screen photo for 10 plus year across current and old phones. Photo of me on 1 of our days in the mountains together. I have noticed he has recent changed it to a photo of me and my best friend (also female) together. Is it the latest in a series of red flags?

Bit of context, my best friend has actually known my husband longer than I've known her. They both met in scouts and are both still involved as adult staff/ leaders. I can tell when they are both at scouts together as he's always 15-20 mins later coming home as they will stay and chat. They have never dated as me and husband have been together since school. But they do go out together on walks, both share some similar hobbies and they have gone for meals out together, usually for birthdays (her husband is a chef and her birthday is a few days after Valentines day and the chance of a chef getting time off at that time of year is impossible). I didn't really spend much time with her until our kids came along and she's now very much my best friend and 'auntie' to our children, as well as my wine drinking partner when I need to escape the house

Last few years my husband hasn't spent much time with her but the last year or so they have steadily been spending more and more time together alone, as well as time with me, him, her (and occasionally her husband too). Husband doesn't have many male friends, most are women and he has always been close to her (except the few years round Covid where they didn't really talk much)

Am I reading too much into it that he is wanting to spend much more time with her again along with things like changing lock screen photos? Her husband is still working long hours away from home and they don't spend much time together as husband and wife.....

OP posts:
Greatwiseowl · 09/09/2026 21:44

If this is the biggest worry you have in life today _ I would suggest this is more serious. Do you do volunteer work, hobbies, a really tough job? Get busier, then you won't waste time pondering insignificant shit like this.

babyproblems · 09/09/2026 21:45

Agree it’s wierd.
I actually wondered if he might be gay.. it’s the only way I can think it’s actually platonic. And you say he has many female friends.. either he’s a real flirt and a bit seedy or he’s gay. I don’t know any men who have loads of female friends; and I can’t think of one man that I know who has a real best friend who is female in the way you describe.
i would find it very very strange if a man other than my DH or my dad, had a picture of me as the background of their phone.

what would he say if you said this makes you feel uncomfortable? What does her husband make of their friendship??

HollyhocksandPeons · 09/09/2026 21:48

ShakingAndCrying · 09/09/2026 19:38

Hmmm from a different point of view when I was having an affair I was very much “hiding it in plain sight”.

The man was a mutual friend of me and my DP, we used to spend time together when my DP was at work and he thought we were just friends.
We all worked together and the man I was having an affair with would give me a lift home when we were on the same shifts and we would say we were chatting for 20-30 minutes after work and we were actually having sex.

I went out for meals with the other man as my DP hated doing things like that and we’d go running together.
I wouldn’t have put a picture of him on my phone lock screen though as that would have drawn attention to the affair so that doesn’t seem suspicious to me, the rest is concerning though.

Before anyone judges and thinks badly of me - no one can make me feel worse then I already do and I’d give anything to turn back the clock. It was the biggest mistake of my life.

It was 10 years ago and my DP has forgiven me and there were circumstances that led to it that he accepts and the affair made us realise what we stood to lose and both make changes.
I have bipolar disorder and wasn’t in a good place with my mental health after a series of traumatic events and my DP wasn’t very supportive but we’ve since realised we are both autistic which led to communication difficulties.

If I was OP I would be wanting to have an open and honest conversation to get answers rather then just guessing because that gets you nowhere.
I do think it would be a strange thing to do to change the picture to someone you are having an affair with if you are trying to hide it though.

Strange how bipolar disorder or 'I don't know what I was doing', etc. never makes people like that to, say, drink shampoo? Or howl on all fours in a supermarket? Or eat soup by conveying it to the ear in a runcible spoon? What a load of bollocks. They never hurt themselves, those bipolar and 'I don't know what I was doing', they know how to hide affairs in plain sight - strange that their disorders never seem to interfere with the course of fornication.

HollyhocksandPeons · 09/09/2026 21:51

Every time I write on MN about 'women and men can't be friends' (When Harry met Sally) - I am crushed like a flea (Molesworth) by MN-ers and accused of being from the XIXth century.

slugjelly · 09/09/2026 22:05

OP he is in love with Friend. Not because of the photo, but because of the other stuff. I’m sorry, but I would have started asking questions a long time ago.

Gwenna · 09/09/2026 22:11

Sheepy21 · 09/09/2026 14:33

As title says, my husband has had the same lock screen photo for 10 plus year across current and old phones. Photo of me on 1 of our days in the mountains together. I have noticed he has recent changed it to a photo of me and my best friend (also female) together. Is it the latest in a series of red flags?

Bit of context, my best friend has actually known my husband longer than I've known her. They both met in scouts and are both still involved as adult staff/ leaders. I can tell when they are both at scouts together as he's always 15-20 mins later coming home as they will stay and chat. They have never dated as me and husband have been together since school. But they do go out together on walks, both share some similar hobbies and they have gone for meals out together, usually for birthdays (her husband is a chef and her birthday is a few days after Valentines day and the chance of a chef getting time off at that time of year is impossible). I didn't really spend much time with her until our kids came along and she's now very much my best friend and 'auntie' to our children, as well as my wine drinking partner when I need to escape the house

Last few years my husband hasn't spent much time with her but the last year or so they have steadily been spending more and more time together alone, as well as time with me, him, her (and occasionally her husband too). Husband doesn't have many male friends, most are women and he has always been close to her (except the few years round Covid where they didn't really talk much)

Am I reading too much into it that he is wanting to spend much more time with her again along with things like changing lock screen photos? Her husband is still working long hours away from home and they don't spend much time together as husband and wife.....

Trust your instinct OP. It does sound weird.

Itllbereadysoon · 09/09/2026 22:28

Ask him to crop her out somehow and make the photo of you fill the screen. You'll know him well enough by his reaction whether it's something to keep an eye on. Don't be accusatory just say you're hurt or something that its not just your photo (You'll think of something). It is a bit weird , doesn't mean anything is going on but I wouldn't be happy about it.

Horses7 · 09/09/2026 22:35

HollyhocksandPeons · 09/09/2026 21:41

And not realised - like he slipped and fell on an orange and went to A&E? He did not realise.

We really need the laughing emoji back! 🤣

Tahlbias · 09/09/2026 22:44

That's very weird!

Iwillcomeouttheotherend · 09/09/2026 23:35

NewNameW · 09/09/2026 18:38

So a big drip feed of you wasn't fussed and didn't notice but your sister did and now your concerned?

If you wasn't concerned or noticing at the start then it's too late now anyway.

Why does it take your sister to point out things for you to piece together a puzzle that may not even be there?

Why is your sister invested in his homescreen photo? That's probably the weirdest thing here.

If you wasn't questioning nothing before don't start now because someone tells you you should. It's nasty of her to put doubts in your mind really

FYI - worst case, I'd say your sister is the odd one here.

My sister noticed subtle changes in my marriage.
She asked if my husband was having an affair.
I’d been married well over 20 years at that time.
I was so angry at her for suggesting such a thing. We had serous words, and I totally dismissed her observations.
My husband one trillion % was not the type, how dare she suggest such a thing, it was ridiculous to even think such.
I wish with all my heart I’d sat up and listened to her.
Fast forward, I Found out my husband had been having a full on 4+ year affair.
Not at all weird that my sister has always had my back and was willing to have a difficult conversation that she knew would upset me.

The Boiling frog analogy describes a fable where a frog placed in tepid water that is slowly heated does not perceive the danger and is boiled alive, whereas a frog dropped into boiling water immediately jumps out. 1]

Rothburypixie · 09/09/2026 23:45

HollyhocksandPeons · 09/09/2026 21:41

And not realised - like he slipped and fell on an orange and went to A&E? He did not realise.

I’ve done it on mine before 🤷‍♀️

Iwillcomeouttheotherend · 09/09/2026 23:46

chirpybird87 · 09/09/2026 19:13

I’d be freaked out if my best friend’s husband had me in his lock screen photo (regardless of whether his wife was in it or not….!)

Me too !!!

Dontmentionitlove · 10/09/2026 05:50

never had any reason not to trust them

But I've not seen any clear evidence of anything untowardocer the years. Just friends who enjoy time together.

and yet one photo and your sister saying she thinks it’s “creepy” suddenly has you questioning your husband and BFF of twenty years? Weird

ohnowhat · 10/09/2026 08:51

HollyhocksandPeons · 09/09/2026 17:13

Wait till they get matching tattoos, then ask. FFS!!!!! Give him a bollocking, nip it in the bud! He is your property, you are his - remember the vows? You are one!

wtf?
Unless this is sarcasm, it's unhinged.
I'm no-one's property!

HollyhocksandPeons · 10/09/2026 09:14

Iwillcomeouttheotherend · 09/09/2026 23:46

Me too !!!

Exactly, in these gender-challenged times....

MabelAnderson · 10/09/2026 09:26

Your husband has a photo of you and a mutual friend. I don’t think that’s weird. I have male friends, DH has female friends, neither of us are jealous.
If there are other reasons to be worried, then that’s a separate issue.

SomethingNewish · 10/09/2026 11:28

MabelAnderson · 10/09/2026 09:26

Your husband has a photo of you and a mutual friend. I don’t think that’s weird. I have male friends, DH has female friends, neither of us are jealous.
If there are other reasons to be worried, then that’s a separate issue.

I think.there are plenty of things in the OP that are worrying.
The amount of one on one time her H spends with this woman they appear to have a much closer and more intimate relationship than OP and her H.

LittleMonks11 · 10/09/2026 11:30

MabelAnderson · 10/09/2026 09:26

Your husband has a photo of you and a mutual friend. I don’t think that’s weird. I have male friends, DH has female friends, neither of us are jealous.
If there are other reasons to be worried, then that’s a separate issue.

He doesn’t just have a photo of them (his two wives) he has it as a screen lock. Generally we choose screen lock/wallpaper photos that are very dear to us - whether it be a love, a pet or a special holiday pic. It’s giving he holds his two wives in the same high esteem.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 10/09/2026 19:33

I had a lovely family picture as my WhatsApp icon and after about a year DS1 jokingly asked why he wasn't in it. I said he was. No he was not. We took multiple photos that night and this was one he wasn't in for some reason and I presumed I had added one with him. I appreciate a lock screen is different but it's worth considering he may have not meant it.

Change2banon · 10/09/2026 19:49

Dontlletmedownbruce · 10/09/2026 19:33

I had a lovely family picture as my WhatsApp icon and after about a year DS1 jokingly asked why he wasn't in it. I said he was. No he was not. We took multiple photos that night and this was one he wasn't in for some reason and I presumed I had added one with him. I appreciate a lock screen is different but it's worth considering he may have not meant it.

How could he not have meant it? He removed a photo of 1 woman - his wife, then replaced it with a photo of 2 women, that’s very deliberate 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 12/09/2026 14:01

Why wouldn't the guy replace the original pictures - it's more than 10 years old! TBH, I would find it a bit weird if a person had their lock screen picture being one from 10 years ago unless it was of a wedding day

Oxo01 · 12/09/2026 14:26

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 12/09/2026 14:01

Why wouldn't the guy replace the original pictures - it's more than 10 years old! TBH, I would find it a bit weird if a person had their lock screen picture being one from 10 years ago unless it was of a wedding day

Yes but why one with her friend in
Surley he has more than one of her alone !

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 12/09/2026 16:58

Oxo01 · 12/09/2026 14:26

Yes but why one with her friend in
Surley he has more than one of her alone !

Because it's a nice picture? Because cropping it would make it look, well, badly cropped (like when people cut out a spouse from a wedding photo) or poorly composed? Because, so what it show man and woman, and friend (sharp intake of breath) in the same picture

MissDostoevsky · 13/09/2026 11:12

To the Cool girl MNers analysing OPs sister ....FFS 😂

@OP , start thinking about how you want to play this now. As boundaries with this female stepping into your marriage have been loose for decades now - it won't work if you suddenly get upset and want them to back off each other, you will become the unreasonable baddie and it will go further downhill for you from then with no agency left to you and them controlling the situation. Ask me how I know.

This is what I would do in your situ and I could not have known this ten years ago or even 5

  1. Cool off from her, without telling her why. She doesn't deserve an explanation. Do it gradually. And never tell her or your DH why. Edge her out.
  2. Start going out on walks, drinks, etc with a male colleague or friend. Find a new one if you have to.
  3. When your husband gets upset over it, or unsettled at the least and wants to talk about it, that is when you ask why the trust won't go both ways (be subtle, and wide eyed if he asks if you have a problem all of a sudden with the childhood female friend. In this situation now, you have a few cards to play.
  4. If your husband looks relieved that you are hanging out with new friends of your own including male and leaving him to it, it gives you a clearer picture to assess how checked out he is from your marriage. Then you can decide what you want to do for yourself - at the very least you have some new good friends and can start checking out yourself and moving toward an amicable divorce with minimal bitterness hopefully.
Sometimes, these things happen - being together since 16 is a long time....but if you still love him and want the marriage to remain in situ, then hopefully that is what happens
Sheepy21 · 13/09/2026 13:34

MissDostoevsky · 13/09/2026 11:12

To the Cool girl MNers analysing OPs sister ....FFS 😂

@OP , start thinking about how you want to play this now. As boundaries with this female stepping into your marriage have been loose for decades now - it won't work if you suddenly get upset and want them to back off each other, you will become the unreasonable baddie and it will go further downhill for you from then with no agency left to you and them controlling the situation. Ask me how I know.

This is what I would do in your situ and I could not have known this ten years ago or even 5

  1. Cool off from her, without telling her why. She doesn't deserve an explanation. Do it gradually. And never tell her or your DH why. Edge her out.
  2. Start going out on walks, drinks, etc with a male colleague or friend. Find a new one if you have to.
  3. When your husband gets upset over it, or unsettled at the least and wants to talk about it, that is when you ask why the trust won't go both ways (be subtle, and wide eyed if he asks if you have a problem all of a sudden with the childhood female friend. In this situation now, you have a few cards to play.
  4. If your husband looks relieved that you are hanging out with new friends of your own including male and leaving him to it, it gives you a clearer picture to assess how checked out he is from your marriage. Then you can decide what you want to do for yourself - at the very least you have some new good friends and can start checking out yourself and moving toward an amicable divorce with minimal bitterness hopefully.
Sometimes, these things happen - being together since 16 is a long time....but if you still love him and want the marriage to remain in situ, then hopefully that is what happens

So ...

Point 1- push my friend out

Point 2 - don't have time and really not interested in meeting up with another guy, and how's thst going to help?

Point 3 - little bit different me suddenly going out and meeting with a new guy compared to husband and friend who have been friends since their teens, well before we were married.

Don't see how any of those suggestions help keep marriage in situ ....

OP posts:
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