Husband changed phone lock screen from photo of me, he's had for 10+ years to 1 with me and m best friend

[Sheepy21]

As title says, my husband has had the same lock screen photo for 10 plus year across current and old phones. Photo of me on 1 of our days in the mountains together. I have noticed he has recent changed it to a photo of me and my best friend (also female) together. Is it the latest in a series of red flags?

Bit of context, my best friend has actually known my husband longer than I've known her. They both met in scouts and are both still involved as adult staff/ leaders. I can tell when they are both at scouts together as he's always 15-20 mins later coming home as they will stay and chat. They have never dated as me and husband have been together since school. But they do go out together on walks, both share some similar hobbies and they have gone for meals out together, usually for birthdays (her husband is a chef and her birthday is a few days after Valentines day and the chance of a chef getting time off at that time of year is impossible). I didn't really spend much time with her until our kids came along and she's now very much my best friend and 'auntie' to our children, as well as my wine drinking partner when I need to escape the house

Last few years my husband hasn't spent much time with her but the last year or so they have steadily been spending more and more time together alone, as well as time with me, him, her (and occasionally her husband too). Husband doesn't have many male friends, most are women and he has always been close to her (except the few years round Covid where they didn't really talk much)

Am I reading too much into it that he is wanting to spend much more time with her again along with things like changing lock screen photos? Her husband is still working long hours away from home and they don't spend much time together as husband and wife.....

Sounds like her birthday meal that they go out on is a Valentine's meal - why aren’t you invited?

Hey @Sheepy21

Before you blow up your life because total strangers have suggested your DH and BFF are having an affair PLEASE just ask him about the screensaver!

When you’re reading loads of comments like “hiding in plain sight” and “they’re not at scouts…” you’ll be convinced of something that might not be true.

Honestly, if they’ve been friends for decades it’s unlikely they’d suddenly fancy each other.

😂

There is nil in the OP to suggest he was made to have her photo as a screen saver, or that he is tracked or monitored.
Also, it maybe that the change of photo is just the straw that broke the camels back for OP.

My partner recently changed his phone lock picture from me to one of our dogs. He'd had my pic for 10 years. I just laughed when I saw it.

Seriously though, it is a little red flag that he spends that much time with her, is now spending more time with her, and she now features on the phone lock screen. And just seen that she has cooled a little with you.

It's possible that he has developed new feelings for her. Just because he never had them before, doesn't mean he can't develop them.

Honestly, if they've been friends for decades it's unlikely they'd suddenly fancy each other

Perhaps not, but there's friends and there's friends you can be too fond of.

I would definitely find it odd on a lock screen. Eg if my husband changed it to a picture of one of his male friends I would find that extremely odd. What you choose to put on your lock screen is usually something that matters most to you in the world - or just a plain generic design.

Nah that’s not normal op, sorry.

If they're very good friends and have been for years, to the point where they go out for dinner with each other and you don't bat an eyelid...what's do you think has spooked you about one photo? It is a combination of little things that are making you question things? Has anything else changed within your relationship?

You see I think the exact opposite. There is nothing suspicious at all in the OPs post.

Was about to say the same. If you press the wrong button on you iPhone it changes rhe lock screen. Forever got random photos

I’d say there are several red flags here which if they occurred on their own probably wouldn’t mean anything, but with all of them I would be asking questions.
Firstly, they go for walks together. How comes it’s just them & not you too? How often are these?
Secondly, just he goes to her bithday dinner? Again, why not you? Surely she could wait a few days to have her meal & actually go with her husband?
Thirdly, your lock screen. That’s just wrong. There is no way my dh would have me with a female friend for his lockscreen!

I would think there’s something going on, having read your posts.

We used to all go out together the 3 of us when we were in our 20's. Since kids came along tends to just be the 2 of them as we struggle finding family to babysit as daughter is SEN and struggles with routine change. Have a few times tried sleepovers at grandparents that didn't go well at all

Is she an attractive women?

So he’s changed it to his wife and good friend - this is not an issue.

However your gut feeling shouldn’t be ignored and you obviously don’t trust him.

I personally wouldn’t say anything and just keep an eye/ear out for anything more concrete.

Hang on, why didn’t you and your friend go for dinner and leave him to babysit. That’s really weird.

Well that’s a drip!

Because I'm not a fan of sit down meals. He quite often looks after the kids for the evening to allow me and bestie to go out together, either round to her house for a drink, or we go for a run together or go to gigs. He probably averages at least once a week looking after them to allow me to go out, if not some weeks even more regularly.

For her birthday she prefers going out for dinner and I get bored, or struggle hearing conversations due to background noise.

You aren’t a fan of sitting down for a meal?

I would be wary ... too many little things there ...

I would sit him down and ask him ‘Are you happy in this marriage?’ Assuming his answer is yes, why? You say ‘Just something I’m trying to understand.’

You wait a moment, let the silence get a bit awkward then ask ‘How come you chose that photo as your new screensaver?’

His reaction should show whether there is something to be worried about.

Anger, deflection, panic - he’s hiding something.

Confusion, but calmly trying to understand why you are bothered, to the point you are questioning the marriage, is a sign he’s doesn’t have an ulterior motive.

It will also hopefully open up the conversation on why you are feeling uncomfortable.

They are 100% shagging, sorry OP.

Always trust your gut instinct!

If you’re never normally the jealous type, then something is telling you that something feels ‘off’.

You have had no boundaries in your relationship for such a long time. I am not sure why you would find all these arrangements normal. The picture is the straw that broke the camels back really. It just shows how loose your boundary is with your husband that he thinks the screen saver is normal. His reaction when you ask him as the pp has deceived how to will tell you all.