Husband changed phone lock screen from photo of me, he's had for 10+ years to 1 with me and m best friend

[Sheepy21]

As title says, my husband has had the same lock screen photo for 10 plus year across current and old phones. Photo of me on 1 of our days in the mountains together. I have noticed he has recent changed it to a photo of me and my best friend (also female) together. Is it the latest in a series of red flags?

Bit of context, my best friend has actually known my husband longer than I've known her. They both met in scouts and are both still involved as adult staff/ leaders. I can tell when they are both at scouts together as he's always 15-20 mins later coming home as they will stay and chat. They have never dated as me and husband have been together since school. But they do go out together on walks, both share some similar hobbies and they have gone for meals out together, usually for birthdays (her husband is a chef and her birthday is a few days after Valentines day and the chance of a chef getting time off at that time of year is impossible). I didn't really spend much time with her until our kids came along and she's now very much my best friend and 'auntie' to our children, as well as my wine drinking partner when I need to escape the house

Last few years my husband hasn't spent much time with her but the last year or so they have steadily been spending more and more time together alone, as well as time with me, him, her (and occasionally her husband too). Husband doesn't have many male friends, most are women and he has always been close to her (except the few years round Covid where they didn't really talk much)

Am I reading too much into it that he is wanting to spend much more time with her again along with things like changing lock screen photos? Her husband is still working long hours away from home and they don't spend much time together as husband and wife.....

So a big drip feed of you wasn't fussed and didn't notice but your sister did and now your concerned?

If you wasn't concerned or noticing at the start then it's too late now anyway.

Why does it take your sister to point out things for you to piece together a puzzle that may not even be there?

Why is your sister invested in his homescreen photo? That's probably the weirdest thing here.

If you wasn't questioning nothing before don't start now because someone tells you you should. It's nasty of her to put doubts in your mind really

FYI - worst case, I'd say your sister is the odd one here.

All of this

bit weird isn’t it

Have you asked him why he’s changed the screen?

Yes it's weird.

He’s chosen a photo of her (and you) as his lock screen

He goes out for dinner with her one on one, including for her birthday. They go out on walks together. They do scouts together plus 20 minutes afterwards.

You’re not available to go out with them much due to childcare and auditory processing. Her husband isn’t available much due to cheffing.

She’s been cooler with you recently

Yes I’d be concerned

My ex bf had a profile picture on socials of me and him until he just got married. Now it's him and his wife. I have a profile picture of me and my children and my brother from eh, 7 years ago.

My lock screen was my children but I changed it to a photo of my dog about a year ago.

My laptop screensaver changes constantly.

My ex's lock screen was him and his ex gf and her auntie for about 8 months before he changed it to one of 'us' I only know this because he showed me and asked what one I like. I never changed mine.

Idk. But this is a bit daft if you are in a secure and happy relationship but I'm only annoyed that you've let your sister put doubts in your head over something you never paid attention too anyway.

How on earth it is 'creepy'? There's an argument its inappropriate but that's a different thing. She isn't OP's friend she is a mutual friend.

I suspect your sister is the kind of woman that has never had male friends and sees men only in a sexual context. She therefore presumes everyone else is the same and the only reason two people of opposite sex can want to spend time together is if there is something sexual there, whether acted upon or not. If sounds like you, your DH and friend don't see things this way so what is acceptable for you isn't for her. The biggest issue is why is this bothering you, did you have a gut feeling previously and sister's comments reaffirmed it or did you get completely blindsided by her comments and just want to test the water here?

Is the photo of the three of you much more recent than the previous one?

Hi OP I do think it’s a bit weird your partner having another woman’s photo on his phone even if you are also in it. Like really weird behaviour. What has your husband said about it? I don’t think it needs to be a big massive conversation but “what made you change your phone photo?” Is a good start. I’d be really worried if he got angry about such a simple question.

I think it’s okay your partner having a friend who he obviously has a connection with and you too. Would your friend find it weird he has her photo on his phone?

If I saw someone with a photo of two women on their phone I’d think they were in a throuple 😂

Just speak to your Husband about it!

I’d be freaked out if my best friend’s husband had me in his lock screen photo (regardless of whether his wife was in it or not….!)

Yes, this ⬆️

Ive usually got DP as my lock screen, but if he’s annoyed me, I’ll put the Ddog on there instead! 😁

He has his beloved Arsenal club badge on his…always.
I would think it very strange if he were to change it to include a female that wasn’t me… In fact, we’d be having a probing conversation about it.

I sincerely hope your bestie doesn’t turn out to be your worstie but to old fashioned/lacking self confidence me it’s got danger danger written all over it.
I can’t imagine a time past or present that my husband would do any of the stuff your husband does - but I’m probably of a different generation…..having said that I’ve just realised that our kids spouses wouldn’t do it either.
I think my husband would laugh in disbelief at what you’re describing but then he’s even older than me! 🤣
Think I’d have a pleasant (non confrontational)
chat with him over a bottle of wine and see where that leads.

Hmmm from a different point of view when I was having an affair I was very much “hiding it in plain sight”.

The man was a mutual friend of me and my DP, we used to spend time together when my DP was at work and he thought we were just friends.
We all worked together and the man I was having an affair with would give me a lift home when we were on the same shifts and we would say we were chatting for 20-30 minutes after work and we were actually having sex.

I went out for meals with the other man as my DP hated doing things like that and we’d go running together.
I wouldn’t have put a picture of him on my phone lock screen though as that would have drawn attention to the affair so that doesn’t seem suspicious to me, the rest is concerning though.

Before anyone judges and thinks badly of me - no one can make me feel worse then I already do and I’d give anything to turn back the clock. It was the biggest mistake of my life.

It was 10 years ago and my DP has forgiven me and there were circumstances that led to it that he accepts and the affair made us realise what we stood to lose and both make changes.
I have bipolar disorder and wasn’t in a good place with my mental health after a series of traumatic events and my DP wasn’t very supportive but we’ve since realised we are both autistic which led to communication difficulties.

If I was OP I would be wanting to have an open and honest conversation to get answers rather then just guessing because that gets you nowhere.
I do think it would be a strange thing to do to change the picture to someone you are having an affair with if you are trying to hide it though.

Me too! The whole thing is weird and not ok!

Not sure if this has been mentioned as haven’t rtft, but does he have any recent pictures of you that he could have used instead? Maybe he likes how you look in the picture with your friend and so uses that. Men are simple but devious creatures. I don’t think he would be so obvious if he did have a crush on your friend by having her picture on display.

He could crop the photo to cut friend out ?

I think its weird you havent just asked him

Out of curiosity, where are her kids? Like her DH works long hours as a chef.. but shes got time to be your DHs main social friend, your weekly social life and I assume she wants to do things with her DH?

You are funny.
“enforced stuff”? Where did OP enforce anything?
“Ownership” “monitoring of his property”. For what? For having eyes? My mum visited me yesterday and I know what’s on her lock screen from when it lit up when she had messages etc when her phone was on the table. And we were only together for an hour.
Wait, let me guess. You’re not like other girls? Utterly ridiculous.

Pre reading hundreds of threads on mumsnet I would have probably thought nothing of this but now I've read too many posts which seem to have something fairly innocuous that eventually gets unpicked to be in something much bigger.
I do think it's a bit strange .I can't think of anybody who would have their partner and their best friend as a screensaver. The change after 10 years seems a little bit hiding in plain sight. Maybe I'm just much more overly suspicious these days

I’d have to just ask him why he decided to change the lockscreen after all this time.

Just ask him ? Well of course he's going to say " well actually I'm having an affair with her" 🙄 Be vigilant. My ex h had an affair with a family " friend".

And not realised - like he slipped and fell on an orange and went to A&E? He did not realise.

Er yeah he has a crush on her