Husband changed phone lock screen from photo of me, he's had for 10+ years to 1 with me and m best friend

[Sheepy21]

As title says, my husband has had the same lock screen photo for 10 plus year across current and old phones. Photo of me on 1 of our days in the mountains together. I have noticed he has recent changed it to a photo of me and my best friend (also female) together. Is it the latest in a series of red flags?

Bit of context, my best friend has actually known my husband longer than I've known her. They both met in scouts and are both still involved as adult staff/ leaders. I can tell when they are both at scouts together as he's always 15-20 mins later coming home as they will stay and chat. They have never dated as me and husband have been together since school. But they do go out together on walks, both share some similar hobbies and they have gone for meals out together, usually for birthdays (her husband is a chef and her birthday is a few days after Valentines day and the chance of a chef getting time off at that time of year is impossible). I didn't really spend much time with her until our kids came along and she's now very much my best friend and 'auntie' to our children, as well as my wine drinking partner when I need to escape the house

Last few years my husband hasn't spent much time with her but the last year or so they have steadily been spending more and more time together alone, as well as time with me, him, her (and occasionally her husband too). Husband doesn't have many male friends, most are women and he has always been close to her (except the few years round Covid where they didn't really talk much)

Am I reading too much into it that he is wanting to spend much more time with her again along with things like changing lock screen photos? Her husband is still working long hours away from home and they don't spend much time together as husband and wife.....

It sounds as though they are already more of a couple than you and your H are OP.
Yes I think you should be worried. I agree with the pp who said hiding in plain sight.

I think you need to mention it to him and ask why that picture, and point out it is a bit odd (because it is).

Not meaning to scaremonger, my friend, lets call her Annabel, had a best friend she did everything with, and then she bought her into her friendship group and she started hanging around with my friend all the time, at her house and would hang out with Annabel and her boyfriend, would go on holiday with them, spend loads of time with them. Her boyfriend changed his SM photo to one of Annabel and this friend. Then one day he changed it to just him and the friend. It turned out they had been sleeping together for quite a while (they are actually still together now, 12 years later).

13 years ago I would have found your husband having that photo a bit weird but not enough to act on it, but now, yes, you are right to trust your gut. This is not normal. If he comes out with any BS like she is like a sister to me, it would be even weirder for a grown man to have a picture of his wife and sister on his phone. So yes, talk to him about it, and maybe talk to her too.

I think it’s odd to have a pic of you and your friend but there could be plenty of reasons for changing it such as the phone accidentally changing/removing it so he found a different one instead.
do you look particularly attractive in it? Was it a memorable day?

Hmmm yeah, I think this is odd. If he admires the photo because you look good in it, then he should crop her out! A phone saver photo is quite personal so I would find this odd. Just speak to him about it though.

Very odd. I think your spidey senses are tingling for a reason - sorry.

I'd be afraid of what he's, er, manifesting.

I think the bestie screensaver is odd and would ask him about it. She spends more time with your husband than her own and you're not feeling quite right about it and now he sees her pic every time he's on his phone. I'm

I don't know your husband, but I can't imagine my DH or any man I have dated being so blatant as to change their phone screensaver to the pic of the woman they are cheating with! I would think if it was that, he is either extremely cruel and doing it to drive you crazy, or so madly in love with her it is off the charts — or as thick as a plank. The most likely thing is he thought it was a nice picture and decided it was time for a change of screensaver. But if your spidey senses are tingling, don't ignore them — ask him and if you must ask her!

It sounds like something they have done together to hide in plain sight or dare each other on far they can go.

Have you told him you don't like your husband having a picture of another woman on his lock screen?

Ask him tonight. It’s weird. It also sounds like they are a bit too close for pals. She may be keeping you close all these years for a reason. Do you all have kids? I’d also describe her as his best friend, not yours to be honest.

They are clearly shagging on scout camp in their spare time*.

He should have cropped the friend out then.

If all this bothers you, then you need to tackle it with him. I wouldn't like my husband spending so much time alone with, and out on "dates" with, another woman. She's the main woman in his life or is becoming that way. People who are only friends can develop romantic feelings for each other over time, people change. May not be happening here but if you're bothered by it don't let him fob you off. He'll probably be angry, or shrug it off, don't let him. And have a word with your so called bestie, if she was your bestie she wouldn't be plonking herself in your relationship.

I'm really sorry, but in my opinion it is a red flag. As others have said they seem to be "hiding in plain sight".

So no, you are not reading too much into it, unfortunately. I wish you the best, horrible position he has put you in, with her being a good friend of yours as well.

You are reading into it exactly what it is …. 😞

I mean he basically just has 2 wives tbh. Like shes just borrowing him from you cos her husbands so busy. She probably has a photo of your DH as her lock screen ffs. They go for meals out together?? That just could never be me. You obviously know the situation and dynamic better than us but from reading this post, I'm getting 'doormat'.

I agree you can't 'not react' ,to him and the odd photo,
It sounds like your own relationship with him is erring towards more platonic and needs a boost? Or why does he have 'pals together' pic, without even thinking youd be bothered about it..

So she's essentially a best friend to both of you? I don't really see an issue with having a photo of your wife and your best friend as a screensaver?

I'd guess it's just a photo in which he thinks you look particularly nice.

They may not even be sleeping together, but an emotional affair can be just as devastating (something I have experience of)...
As others have said, I think you need to sit him down and have a frank discussion.

Why don't you join your DH and "friend" for these cosy birthday dinners, OP? 🤷‍♀️

So are you saying that her own husband can’t join her for her birthday meal because he’s busy as a chef then, so she invites your husband out to celebrate her birthday- but she doesn’t invite you as well?

I work in a male dominated industry and lots of them have this enforced stuff like photo of wife on the phone and calendars and are constantly messaged and tracked etc. It doesnt make any difference by the way, some stray some dont. I would feel so claustrophobic with someone who felt this much ownership over me. I dont even know what my husband has on his lock screen, pretty sure it isnt me though and I wouldnt force him to. I think the photo is not as relevant as your monitoring of his property as an indicator of whether he is happy or not.

Call me old-fashioned, but a man having another man's wife as his best friend is not really the done thing.

Especially not when she and his wife are best friends with each other.

If she is your best friend- why aren’t you joining her & your husband when she celebrates her birthday ? 🤔

Oh give over luv

Really? So you can’t have a picture of your wife and a (presumably since there’s literally no evidence otherwise in the OP) good platonic friend as your background on your phone unless you’re shagging the friend or gagging to?!