Husband received overseas paternity test request and is refusing to engage

[Operaofthephantom]

I'm pretty sure I already know what this means but I can't talk to anyone close right now because I don't have the energy.
Husband got asked to comply with a paternity test request from abroad. It was issued via a solicitor's office by post. I know the requestor, or at least have met her before some years ago. One of those times she was pregnant and she and her husband were so happy.

He denies everything and refuses to engage and says he doesn't have to.
I don't know why I am even writing this. I somehow already know that it's probably true and that he'll never admit it.

So only posts that agree that the child should not get any maintenance should be allowed? He's not seeing these posts either

And again, I ask you to point to where I said your posts shouldn’t be allowed.

You are of course free to continue opining about something OP has already said she doesn’t care about, just as i’m free to question why you’d want to.

No one is saying that the child should be cut off. They are just saying it has nothing to do with the OP. She cannot make financial decisions for a child of whom she is not the parent. She needs absolutely no advice on that. It has nothing to do with her. I’m mean Christ alive - Mumsnet is notorious for telling step parents they have no authority with step kids

Some people ARE suggesting that the child should get nothing and that no DNA test should be done.

You're not going to question me. I won't be responding to anything else you type.

Not quite. I’m saying in OP’s position that I wouldn’t encourage it. Beyond that, I don’t care.

Your husband having an affair is one thing, that's something some couples can get past and move on.

But he may have a child who is not at fault in any way and deserves the truth about his/her father. How can you ever be with a man who can turn his back on a child if he is the father.
I could forgive an affair but I could never forgive a man for being so despicable as to deny what may be his son/daughter.
If he is a decent man he will take the test, if not then how can you live with him?

My own father had a child before he met my mother and he walked away. I knew nothing about it growing up and it was only after he died that my aunt told me I had a half sibling. Completely clouded the memory of my dad.

My dad did exactly the same. He paid two pounds a week for me until I was 16 and he had to be chased through court for that. I'm sorry you went through that. I only found out my brother's name the other week (I don't refer to him as half brother as my mum had another child when I was ten and as far as I'm concerned he's my brother). I have no desire to upset anyone's life as I said in previous posts but I've lived all my life knowing that my dad loves his son and doesn't love me. And that he paid the least he could to my mum while providing for his son.

Not neccessarily. You are projecting here.

I've been the trainer coming to help the abroad team before. The team were competent professionals, many more experienced in the general bussiness or older than me in general - I was a SME for a set of topics they needed to learn quickly and incorporate into their daily work.

I wasn't in position of power - their manager was. I was a resource - they could have ignored me, but if they weren't able to solve topics A,B,C independently at the end of my stay, they would had been judged by their manager.
If we'd decided to have a situationship with one of them, no-one would bat an eyelid. Adults, different national branches, no-one in subordinate position.

@FourSevenFive yes, exactly. I think there’s a lot of projecting on this thread from people who have an axe to grind one way or another and their advice isn’t really unbiased or necessarily in OP’s best interests.

For God's sake there are at least 3 posters on this thread arguing, deflecting and being disrespectful to @Operaofthephantom . She needs support and has pulled back from this thread once already. She is processing all that has happened and needs to be able to express herself without the constant bickering.
I have seen that one of the main protagonists on this thread has upset another OP on a different thread who is in a similar position to @Operaofthephantom .

@MNHQ yet another example of where there is poor or no moderation

Moderation is reactive. You have to hit Report on anything you think shouldn't be on the thread if you want it to be moderated away.

I have seen that one of the main protagonists on this thread has upset another OP on a different thread

Trollhunting is against Site Rules.

Sorry what. Give me strength. You aren't the forum police. How sad that you need to run around looking at peoples posting history. Are you a mod?

That's never been my experience of trainer-trainee relationships in my entire career. As I said, where I work, you can get fired for that kind of thing.

I've not got an axe to grind about anything. Least of all my father. Maybe think before you hit the post button. You don't have the first clue about my life. I can assure you of that. Apparently no one can express different opinions or they've to be thrown to the dogs by the unofficial mods ? How very like Mumsnet

Of course anyone who expresses a different opinion has to be labelled a protagonist and their posting history has to be looking at and then they get thrown under the bus by the "unofficial moderating team". Honestly. How sad and predictable

There is NOTHING I have posted on here that has broken site rules. Zero.

I'm not going to prolong this but the OP herself has said she had to withdraw previously and sadly the pattern is now being repeated.
I haven't checked anyone's posting history. Just happened to be following another thread where the OP had to deal with a name I recognised on here that's doing the same to the OP.
Apologies @Operaofthephantom for derailing. Hope you are doing ok and working through this in your own way and in your own time.b

How horrible. Looking at peoples posting histories and calling them out without actually naming them. Well don't worry. If that was aimed at me I'll happily step out of here and let the unofficial mods get on with policing everything other people post

Bye now.

And as for the person who said I was projecting. My brothers dad was even worse. When my mum and his dad split when she was pregnant he emigrated. Has seen him once in his life. Never paid a penny for him in his entire life

I think I know better than you the effect of how being abandoned by your dad affects people as a person. More than you.

However the consolation that I have is that if my dad hadn't abandoned me I wouldn't have my lovely brother.

Out. You can knock yourselves out telling the Op what she wants to hear but I won't.

I hope you find the strength to dump him, one for being the lying, cheating arsehole, but also because he’s not going to do the right thing by the child.

She doesn’t deserve sympathy- that should all be reserved for you, but don’t put up with this shit.

Thank you for summarising in two paragraphs what I've spent an entire thread making an utter pigs' ear of trying to figure out and explain.

There can be no way back from this, not if the OP has the slightest sense of what she is worth and deserves.

Ok, you haven't met it. It doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

As a Czech person working in an international company, I'd add that trying to fire either of two consenting adults who met through work, but aren't in a more or less direct reporting line/ sub-ordinate position would be illegal here. Their marrital status irrelevant. Temporarily loaned specialist from different office could easily be ok.

She may not owe you any loyalty as she’s not married to you but she’s 100% complicit. If she wasn’t assaulted, she’s a stupid , conniving woman and deserves all she gets.

How utterly pathetic. He's the issue. No one made him fuck her on repeat