The worst thing anyone has said to you?

[Tiredofbeingalowpriority]

Just going through a break up with someone I thought I loved very much but should have been aware it wasn’t going to work - we met just as he was splitting from
a long relationship and in hindsight I should have realised he wasn’t ready for another one. I’ve been crying uncontrollably and it hurts …but remembering some of awful things he said to me - the top two being:

1: on our first holiday in gorgeous Athens after we had been together for two years - I was so excited to be with him until he asked me to take a photo of him and another group of people so he could say to his family he was on a history trip rather than away with me.

2: I have some bad perimenopause and had said that I had quite bad anxiety. He said “don’t put that on me”. What a gent.

anyone got anything better?

“oh nice, I’ll drink that with my friend tonight!”, when handing over a really nice bottle of wine to my friend I’d known since I was 16. Admittedly, yes, I’d moved abroad, but on a home visit I came to see her and handed her the bottle as a welcome to her new house. Fucking bitch. 10+ yrs of friendship instantly wiped out - cut all ties after that.

That is so disgusting it makes my skin crawl. What a vile man, and spitting on you?! Oh I'm furious on your behalf.

I think my most prominent memory was an ex saying "if you get pregnant accidentally and don't get an abortion i will leave you", a man who begged and begged to stop using condoms.

I am so sorry. The bastard!

Some years ago I returned to work following time off after a bereavement. I told a work colleague that my DM had died on my birthday, and she said:

"Oh no. You'll never be able to have a happy birthday ever again, will you?"

I'm so sorry.

OMG I’m so sorry that’s unspeakable.

Senidng hugs.

"You took the piss too much"

DP cannot sing. She has a lovely voice, and can produce a lovely tune with it sometimes. But that tune is not the one playing in her brain, and if she tries to sing along to something, or tries to a sing a song expecting me to recognise it, then it is the most out of tune, out of time thing in the world.

And it was the source of much amusement to me and DD, and anyone else who listened. Not in a mean way, at least not intentionally. It was one of the things I loved about her, just like all the other flaws that a person has that make you fall in love with them.

And then one day we were sat in the car and her favourite song came on the radio, and she didn't sing along to it. And I realised I hadn't heard her sing in months. "You never sing any more?" I asked.

"No, I don't. You took the piss too much"

I have been lied to, lied about. Insulted, screamed at, sworn at, accused of things I didn't do by various people over my life. None of them hurt as much as that did.

Because it was true. And because it meant that I was a shitty human being. I'd stopped the person I loved from doing something she loved.

Obviously I apologised hugely, grovelled, offered to do whatever I could to fix things. DP accepted my apology, but she didn't start singing again, not for years.

She does sing again now, initially when she thought no-one could hear her, then when she thought I couldn't hear her, then quietly in the car with me, and now she will happily belt out her favourites within earshot of me. But it has literally taken years for her to show me that piece of her again.

So that is the worst thing I've ever heard, because it shone a light on the worst thing I've ever done.

I had to take early retirement from a career in disability support a while ago and now do volunteer work with a disability charity whenever I can. I was in town in my lunch hour a couple of weeks ago, minding my own business doing a bit of window shopping - I’m a wheelchair user too. A man came up to me completely out of the blue and told me that I’m a drain on society, did I realise I was spending tax payers’ money, and that if I could go shopping I could bloody well work for a living !! I spun around and asked him what right he had to assume that just because I was in a wheelchair I wasn’t working - and showed him my ID tag. He went red in the face, mumbled some excuse and scurried off !!

I think the debate about the state of the country’s finances, and the conversation around disability benefits in particular has made people think they’re entitled to act in this way towards disabled people in general. Makes it all the more surprising to hear on the news this morning that the results of a recent UK wide survey indicated that most people were against proposed cuts to disability benefits and believed that if targeted correctly, assisting people with the additional cost of living with a disability was justified.

So sorry @Tiredofbeingalowpriority . Glad he is now an ex! Definitely doesn't sound worthy of you.

The worst thing I ever heard wasn't about me, it was now ex-DP saying awful things about one of my DC. It was like a moment of absolute clarity as to who he really was. All the carefully concealed unattractive and unpleasant aspects of his personality came pouring out.

I think there’s a general greater confidence in insulting other people in public whether that’s disabled people, women or ethnic minorities. It’s got worse since lockdown because people learnt they could get a kick out of abusing strangers, initially online but now face to face.

Yes I am with a very strange guy by that has told me I have a big vagina, that I’m over weight but least I’m fit and can keep up with him, (what a delight) we’ve done the deed once but now seem to have gone back to teenage dry humping and being led on.

The worst I think He disgustingly said my chance of a baby are zero at my age his been googling oooof! - who the hell does he think he is, I go through ovulation and periods monthly.

He goes on about our grandmothers not having the opportunity to drive yet he cannot make a cup of coffee unsupervised!

good old ‘on the spectrum’ autism. Don’t think he’d ever argue just cry.

I wish I didn’t feel for him in the way I do. First relationship’ at peri stage where I feel s*x mad and have began to wonder if I can better any of this with a sperm doner. 🙈

"You'll die sad and alone, you're too disabled for anyone to put up with". Luckily, he showed his true colours with that line after only a month. Shows what he knew; went on to meet DH 4 months later.

Not to me but about me:

I have stage 4 cancer. I am living with it but there is no cure.

I have been helping my elderly in-laws with with their garden as best I can despite my limitations and a distant family member, on hearing I had been helping, said
”I thought she was supposed to be dying”

It honestly took my breath away when I heard this.

Clearly I should put more effort into my demise.

Disgusted but not surprised. It's as if some ableist people want to do anything to make people's lives harder. The funny thing is they're often anti-racist and anti-homophobia.

Gosh that takes me back to the ex who repeatedly told me that he would love to kill me but I wasn't worth doing time for.
Ah, fun times. I love the single life.

“With all the testing available now it’s a shame it wasn’t picked up and you could have had an abortion” my exh uncle talking about my then 3yo severely autistic son

I'd just discovered that someone who bullied me horribly (and was finally expelled for beating me up) was in prison for murder - he was mentioned in a newspaper article about prison education. I was really shaken up by the article, and told my then boyfriend that I didn't feel surprised he had killed someone. He said "What a shame someone had to die for you to be proved right" which was such a nasty twist on what I'd said. He made it sound as if I'd been gloating and I hadn't, it was a reflection of the genuine fear I'd had for my life for some time at school.

Mine takes some beating.

"Don't lose this baby as well."

From MIL who I'm now NC with, thank god.

I think the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me was a throwaway comment a few years after my late husband had passed away. We were married young and together for thirty years - inseparable. He’d died suddenly and I went through hell trying to cope with the loss.

On a hospital clinic visit around a year after he died I was chatting to a man in the waiting room and we both realised there was a connection. I was very reluctant to start anything as it was way too soon and seemed so random, but we agreed to exchange numbers with a view to friendship and things progressed slowly - and with a lot of soul searching - from there. Long story short he is now my DH.

About a year after we were married I bumped into a friend I’d lost contact with, and who wasn’t aware that I’d been widowed. We were catching up and she said knowing how close my late DH and I had been I must have been devastated by the loss. She asked what was happening in my life now and I explained I was now remarried and how we had met - to which she replied ‘so not that devastated then’. I made my excuses and left.

I despair of some people. That’s beyond cruel.

By EXH-
"Of course I don't ever want to have sex with you when you don't wear make up and go about dressed like you're going hillwalking", I work in the outdoors and dress appropriately for the job.

While laughing after seeing me dressed for a date after we had separated- "I'm laughing that he will see you like this and think that's what he's getting and then you'll put on weight and cut your hair short again..."

From current partner (that I am in the process of trying to leave)-

"What do you bring to the table?" after I have been forced to quit my job in order to raise his children, including those from his previous relationship.

"We're not equals since you've put on weight post-kids"

"You just sit on your arse all day"- any time I sat down to breastfeed our children

And basically years worth of constant put downs about how I'm not doing enough, generally shit at everything. Reading Why Does He Do That? right now and planning my escape.

This is a contest I always win.

A year after my DD was stillborn I was pregnant again. I told my DM who said.
“Well I’m not buying it anything. I wasted my money last time.”

My MiL - after I’d had a huge heart operation and subsequent PTSD which also stopped me eating, so I’d lost nearly two stone. When I at last began to get my appetite back after several months I told her how good it was to be fancying food again, having lost so much weight. Her response. “Well, you had it to lose”. Charming and sooooo supportive!!!

"If I looked like you, I would have given up already"
Said to me by my ex-best friend.
I had just booked a $12,000 trip to Japan for her birthday and going to Japan was always her dream.
I went to her house to talk to her and tell her about this trip, and before I could tell her, she looked at me in the eyes and said "If I looked like you, I would have given up already"
I told her about Japan, she got this look in her eye like she knew she messed up.
She tried to apologize, say she didn't mean it, but I got right up and walked out of there.
Needless to say, me and my sister had a wonderful time in Japan.

My god, how utterly cruel.