There We Are Then - part 4, but episode 278946, probably.

[mummy917]

For anyone who is still offering messages of hope, wisdom and general loveliness 🥰

Doing all of that ^ while acting as if 50/50 has "opt out" clauses just for him 🙄

Well done on your straightforward refusal @mummy917

He's ridiculous. His mum will undoubtedly have to step in again. What did he say about mediation?

Also, isn't tomorrow the day that his mum is off on holiday and he expected you to cover? Or did I get the dates wrong?

Beautifully put@Holdinguphalfthesky

My concern is what his revenge will be.

Isnt tomorrow the day he want you to take the day off for childcare @mummy917

I think he’s ultimately a bit spineless and now that OP is onto him and immune to both his charm and his attempts to coerce/bully her, he’s not going to try anything. At least, that’s what I hope. . .

@Holdinguphalfthesky ’s answer is beautifully crafted but after what he’s done I wouldn’t be so articulate to explain to him.
A direct “what do you think” insultingly implies he’s not thinking and that he’s slow on the uptake, that he’s selfishly not realised the consequences of his actions or the hurt he’s caused, that he lacks the maturity to acknowledge his parental responsibilities.
OP echoing your mother indicates the strength of a united front.
Those four words will hit him like a blunderbuss, exasperate the frustration, and emphasise he’s alone which is what he truly deserves. They back him into a corner which is where he should be.
You could spend your life worrying about his acts of revenge, e.g. tomorrow but you have him on the back foot now. He wants extra time for a tattoo artist and a concert in addition to you needing each other for childcare.
If he lets you down in the morning act swiftly and decisively. You’ve warned him of the consequences.
Life isn’t about accommodating him to your own detriment.

I’m actually not worried about tomorrow. Not in a cocky way, but I have made it exceptionally clear to him what route I will be going down if he continues to try and take the piss. And I will absolutely do it. He has dictated too much of my life and my time already, he doesn’t get to do it anymore, and especially doesn’t get to do it to our children.

He didn’t say anything to mediation, I know he won’t do it. But I have everything logged that he’s done over these past 6 months in regards to the kids and it’s a bloody long list! Bless him though, he genuinely thinks he can talk and treat me like rubbish and I’ll still wipe his backside for him. Not a chance.

He has such a shock coming when the reality of being a parent finally sinks in.

He must be asking himself what happened to all that freedom he thought he was going to have when he’d got rid of the controlling wife 😂😂😂

I am sure that @mummy917 would confirm that hour for hour, he probably had more freedom before he left because he could (and probably did) just fuck off out if he wanted to.

That’s the spirit!

He used to frequently just naff off here, there and everywhere for a good few hours at a time and 9 times out of 10, it was a last minute thing too. Whether it was the gym, going to watch a football match, his friend’s for a takeaway/few drinks. But back then if I said anything about wanting to spend time together or if I felt like I could’ve done with some help, that’s when the “controlling” accusations would start. So very boring and predictable when I look back now.

I am sure that would confirm that hour for hour, he probably had more freedom before he left because he could (and probably did) just fuck off out if he wanted to.

Absolutely this. I doubt he would ever admit it, but his new reality is probably a bit of a shock (and quite disappointing)

My most charitable interpretation of the concert development would be that he's an absolute fecking eejit, if it weren't for all the numerous other ways he's taken the piss in recent months. Just continually expecting you to dig him out of holes of his own making, while doing less than the bare minimum the rest of the time. About the only saving grace is that repeatedly showing himself up like this is a regular reminder that he's no great loss, which should hopefully help soothe the occasional pangs you get about how things ended.

And how often did you get to buzz off for some fun leaving him to hold the fort? I’m guessing never, unless really well organised?

Really glad you’ve turned that corner recently! The difference is noticeable! Are you feeling better in yourself too?

And we hope drop off this morning went ok! 🤞

Saw this today, OP, and it made me think of you and how brilliantly you’re dealing with tattoo

I genuinely think that in a decades time we are going to have some many young adults reflecting on their childhoods, of having fathers insisting on 50/50 to avoid paying maintenance but not wanting to do 50/50 of the commitment, slog and cost and be so disparaging of their useless selfish fathers when they look back. Not taking them to their friend's parties, social activity or sporting clubs, leaving their mum to struggle to juggle childcare, work and money whilst missing half of their children's childhoods.

Yes in an ideal world parents would do 50/50 whether they lived together or not but lets face it this is far from an ideal world. It's a world constructed by a patriarchal society where men hold this unspoken entitlement that their time, money and social whims are more important than those of the women and children in their lives. 😡

If Dads across the land could do true 50/50 which was focused on the kid's needs all power to it, but I am yet to see that happen anywhere in real life or online. I also don't know any kids that love it.

Feeling grumpy this week as I've had to cancel an operation for a prolapse due to my therewearethen.

Hope today went smoothly OP, but if it doesn't then yes look at next steps.

Feeling grumpy this week as I've had to cancel an operation for a prolapse due to my therewearethen.
So sorry to read this @Anendlessseriesofunfortunateevents 💐

To be honest, they’ve always been this way and all that happens is guys grow up blaming the mother even though she was the one that stayed. And the cycle of bs continues.

I mean I have a fair number of pals whose dad just left, when they were young. And it shocks me. And then I had a flatmate a few years back who was dating this really full on guy and thinking of breaking up with him as he was too much, when her birth control failed and he accused HER of trying to baby trap him. She kept the baby but never heard from him again. So it’s STILL happening. Men just - leaving.

You’d think with social media etc now, they would be shamed out of being child abandoners and crap partners but alas, it seems not.

In the words of Ron Weasley, Bloody Brilliant!

I love that @MargoisanA1arseholeit really made me chuckle!

Sorry you’ve had to cancel your op @Anendlessseriesofunfortunateevents😩 the absolute audacity of him! I don’t know how they sleep at night!

I never got to just spring plans on him and could never be invited to anything impromptu because I knew the hassle it would cause and that I’d end up having to do bedtime before I went out anyway, so his night was much less stressful and by that point I could only enjoy an hour or two at a push. But that was a rarity; maybe once or twice a year. I am very much starting to enjoy having that time to myself and finding what I enjoy again because I definitely forgot!

I've lost track @mummy917 Was it today or NEXT Wednesday his Mum is away? I thought it was today, but judging by the recent posts from everyone, think I got it wrong!!

I thought it was today too.

It was today but he’d taken the day off work because he knew he had no other option although it did mean knocking him out of bed at just after 6am when I dropped the kids off before work. I’m currently still at work, hence the slow responding till I’ve came on my break 🤣

Actually, reading further back, I think I was right the first time. So I guess he didn't land @mummy917 in it this morning by not being available to take the kids while she went to work.